Migraine mumbles

Wow, I'm glad I thought twice about that. Last night, at the height of my migraine (and doctor-prescribed narcotics) I wrote a blog that I was going to set up to publish at the wee hours of the morning. Instead, I saved the draft, which I have just now reviewed.

Eek.

My judgment and filter both seem to switch to the off position when I'm in that state. I'll see if I can save any of it to give you an idea how bad my brain misfires. I like to refer to this as my migraine mumbles. Pretty much you can't hold me accountable for anything I may or may not say in this condition.

(This is directly from last night so you can see me in action)

For example, I stopped at the store on the way home, even though my head was throbbing and I couldn't see and it was raining and I just didn't want to, because I need to make a second batch of Fat Ass Soup because Joe ate through the first batch like he was starving or something. Except this wasn't my usual grocery store so I couldn't find the celery I wanted. I sought help, which went something like this:

me: I need help.
Grocery store dude: What can I help you find, ma'am? (urgh, "ma'am")
me: I need, umm, the stuff I get with chicken wings.
dude: Ranch dressing? (stupid Southerners with their Ranch dressing. Blue cheese!!!)
me: No, the green veggies I get with my chicken wings. You know... (I make hand gestures indicating the basic dimensions of celery)
dude: Celery? Celery is right over here.
He takes me to the bags of celery, which is not what I want.
me: No, I need them, you know, like with my wings. Chunky. (more hand gestures)
dude: Huh? Do you mean cut up?
me: Yeah.
dude: We don't have any pre-cut.
me: I guess I'll have to go somewhere else.
dude: You know you can buy it in the bag and cut it yourself?

And, honestly, the idea had not occurred to me, such was my mental state. Maybe he shouldn't have suggested me handling sharp objects. It's possible that he was considering calling the cops as well because I'm pretty sure he followed me around until I left to make sure I didn't do something I shouldn't. Like squeeze the Charmin.

Also, driving home tonight I almost got pushed out of my lane dented killed by a child molester van. You know, the big boxy ones, usually with the weird circular windows on the side? Sometimes they have curtains to hide the bad things they do. This is what my mother told me growing up so I wouldn't go anywhere with strangers. Anyways, it was in the turning lane and I was in the go straight lane and it decided to go straight too. So I got to use my horn, which is awesome. Other than the almost dying. Driving after dark (night blindness) in the rain with a migraine is pretty much the worst possible conditions for me and everyone nearby.

I'd like to grab an ice pack and go to sleep except I'm waiting on some chick to come pick up our hockey tickets for tonight which I had to give away for free because nobody was willing to pay for them and we can't go due to Joe's work stuff. Which I'd be mad about except that a crowded arena seems like a dumb idea with a migraine anyways. It just occurred to me that I give lousy directions under the best of conditions. This chick is never going to find our house. Hope I didn't also wrong-number her. :(

(End of migraine mumbles)

I really shouldn't be allowed to interact with others in that state. I then came home and Tweeted: "Better than my experience in the grocery store later. I was afraid they were going to have me escorted out for being high. :(" I tend to do that. Hot when I mean cold, later when I mean earlier.

This morning I woke up feeling better but not completely over it. The good news is that I'm working from home which means much less people and environmental stress. Let's hope (for everyone's sake) that this goes away soon.

P.S. To my amazement, the lady DID find our house to pick up the tickets. And our team won so I hope she had a good time.