Conversations with my cats

Today is "National Answer Your Cat's Questions Day". Being the fair person that I am, I told Tonya and Rusty I would answer three questions each.

Tonya's Questions:

#1: Why can't I eat Dad's salad?

That is not a salad. That is Joe's bamboo plant. It is only meant to be eaten by a panda bear, which you are not. Also not a salad - grass in the backyard. I would appreciate it if you would refrain from waiting until my back is turned tending to food on the grill and then springing out the door to eat the yard.

#2: Why do you make me eat the same thing every day?

I know you must get tired of eating the same dry pebbles every meal but these are expensive gourmet pebbles specially formulated for your fat, hairy, senior self. Sally Struthers says that what we pay for just one bag of your food would feed a small nation for six months. Deal.

#3: Why do you not appreciate my songs at 7am?

Maybe American Idol would appreciate your songs. Let me know when/where they're auditioning next and I'll drop you off.

#4: Why do you let that other cat live here?

That's four questions. Why don't you ever listen? Rusty lives here because his first home abandoned him. As the daughter of a homeless, pregnant teen-kitty, I would think you would be a lot more sympathetic to the plight of a former pimp-cat making his way on the streets. He's not going anywhere so stop smacking him around. Just remember, no matter what, that we love you best.

Rusty's Questions:

#1: I lived a year on the streets. Did you really think I'd be interested in going back out to see that "snow" stuff?

Sorry about that, I guess we weren't thinking. I thought you'd be excited to chase some snowflakes but instead you growled at the snow. We will never make that mistake again. Also, if you're interested, my wounds are healing just fine.

#2: Where do you go during the day that's so important? Can't you leave your lap here at home for me?

That's actually TWO questions, cheater! It's called "work" and we go there so we can afford your food and your vet bills when you contract cat scurvy. My lap is rather attached to the rest of me so no, sorry, I can't leave it at home. However, I'll be sure to mention it as further justification for my boss to approve additional telecommuting days in my schedule.

#3: Why did you rescue me from the shelter just to make me live with that obnoxious diva-cat?

Yeah, we thought she would've gotten over it in the past 3 years. I guess she's still sorting through her issues. Just remember, no matter what, that we love you best.

Tonya spends her days sleeping upside down on the futon, sleeping under the rocking chair, and sleeping on our bed. She enjoys pumpkin, lettuce, and whipped cream and spends her weekends serenading her sleeping humans.

Rusty loves the outdoors - but only from inside. He is often found perched in the back window, giving hell to squirrels or leaves or shadows. He enjoys his bouncy mouse, chasing lasers, and napping in his igloo.