The End

November 30th and I am thankful for... my NaBloPoMo of gratitude.

This month has been representative of my entire year - ending up in a very different place than I had pictured when I started. At the beginning of the month, I was struggling to juggle classes with a part-time work schedule that refused to honor it's part-time agreement. I was depressed, anxious, frustrated. There were times when my NaBloPoMo of Gratitude seemed like a completely ridiculous idea. Now, I find myself home, unemployed by choice, concentrating full-time on my classes for the next week until finals are over. Then I'll finish up that last self-paced course and be done.

I have no idea what's next, in my life and therefor in my blog. There are so many options that I'm not quite sure where to start. But I'm excited. Also still a bit anxious. But no longer depressed or frustrated.

I'm considering participation in another month-long blog project, #reverb10. "Reflect on this year and manifest what's next". December will be spent doing exactly that, whether or not I formally participate in that project.

I want to say thank you to all of you who help hold me together, encouraging me, supporting me, distracting me... A special thank you to T for being a great inspiration to me and introducing me to a new way of approaching life that's brought me much peace and hope.

So even though things are far from where they started 30 days ago, I'm grateful for my husband, my friends, and my future.

Destination: Resignation Achieved!

I'm thankful for... walking out of the office this morning, officially done.

Afterwards, I celebrated with a trip to the gynecologist for my annual exam, including checking on a lump I thought I had found. Turns out, no lump to worry about. And even though they had no record of my appointment, the doctor fit me in. Good thing - I didn't want to go home with my nicely shaved legs and nothing to show for them!

Next, I'm back to my classwork. Right after a victory lap nap!

Chillin'

I'm thankful for... this opportunity to take a bit of a break from classwork before throwing myself into finals.

My final projects are due beginning next Saturday and I've barely started them at this point. But because my last day at work is Monday, and just for a couple of hours, I feel good about the time I have available. Giving myself a break for a few days was exactly what I think I needed to be ready to dive in for that final push.

I plan to finish up NaBloPoMo but then expect posting to be a bit sparse until classes are over. After that? You won't be able to get rid of me. I bet you can barely wait.

Six Word Saturday

Describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here. Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. I love seeing what everyone does each week with their entries.

Happily Lost in a Good Book

Each week (probably on Sunday or Monday), I use random.org to select a bunch of entries to visit. That way, everyone has equal chance. In addition, please visit the person ahead of you on the list (or visit everyone if you like!). That way everyone receives at least one visit!

All that's necessary to participate is to post your own six words. You can post an explanation if you wish but it's certainly not required. If you play along in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back (shiny code below if you like!). Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in this post as a comment.

Please be sure to link either to your main page or (preferably) directly to the 6WS post. Links to blogs that do not contain a 6WS entry will be removed (sorry, just the button in the sidebar doesn't count as participating).

<a href="http://www.showmyface.com/search/label/6WS"><img src="http://i395.photobucket.com/albums/pp35/showmyface/guts/6wsButton.jpg" /></a>

Interwebz

I am thankful for... the ability to participate in Black Friday from the comfort of my own home. Complete series of Lost for $99. New bathroom rugs for 75% off. And books for my SIL for Christmas. All while in my pjs.

I refuse to go out on Black Friday. It's safer for everyone because I am NOT a morning person and I also do poorly in crowds. I hate people in my personal space. Add to that how pushy and greedy and violent people become over saving $10 on a video game and it's all a bad combination.

We'll go out in a couple of hours - to a run-down movie theatre that plays foreign and independent films. I may even change out of my jammies for the excursion.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Since I've spent the entire month (and have a few days remaining) focusing on gratitude, I'm going to skip a long post. I don't want to spend the time writing it and I don't want you to spend the time reading it.

I'm thankful for... so many things. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, whatever it is you're doing today.

And for those of you not celebrating Thanksgiving for whatever reason, have a good Thursday!

Options

I am thankful for... opportunities.

Two days ago, my department at work hosted a "wake" for me. You know - a celebration of my accomplishments and wishing me well. Everyone was all somber like I was dying when really I feel like I'm just starting to live. They were all so sorry to see me go (then why were you such a PITA to work with for the last almost-decade?) and countless times I was asked the same question - what's next?

It's a good question, really. I'm sure many of them expected me to say I had accepted another position elsewhere. I think my boss put it out there that I was going to be in school full-time, which is a nice face-saving strategy on his part, except they all know he's a nightmare to work for, lying right up to the end.

So, what IS next? I'll finish classes in just under two weeks. I'll put the house and my life back in order - things aren't bad but I've rarely felt this out of control. I'll do some reading and some relaxing. Enjoy the holidays. And then after the first of the year...

I have no idea, really. I just know that it will be something new. Maybe I'll consult. Maybe I'll head back to the corporate world. Maybe I can find a great non-profit that needs my skills.

Whatever is next, it will be something new. It's a little scary and a lot exciting. And much needed. I'm really grateful to have the ability to take this step back, regroup, and figure out what works for me.

Fruit

I am thankful for.. apple slices. Yum.

Sorry, you know it's been a crazy day when it's after 2pm and the best I can come up with is fruit.

Milestone

I am thankful for... 700 posts! Yep, this is the big 700. I'd like to celebrate with a nap.

If only I had more time, I'd write a little retrospective and link to some of my favorites. Instead, go read my post from yesterday if you haven't already. Please. Because it's more interesting than this.

Unconditional Love and Acceptance

I'm thankful for... a husband that loves me unconditionally and accepts me for who I am.

Or, at least I think I'm thankful for that. Sometimes, it concerns me a bit that he really thinks I'm that crazy.

For example, we had this conversation yesterday:

me: Here's a link to that watercolor I bought.
Joe: Watercolor? You bought a watercolor!
me: Yeah, I told you about it. I told you I had two glasses of wine and got all excited and begged someone to let me buy their watercolor. And you even acknowledged me and said that was fine.
Joe: I thought you said you bought a water cooler.
me: What the...?
Joe: I thought you were going to miss the one at work so you bought one for the house.
me: But I told you it was only $25.
Joe: I just thought you found a really awesome deal!

So, yay that Joe was totally okay with me purchasing a water cooler, to the point that he didn't even question it. Just, okay, woohoo, you bought a water cooler!

Acceptance of my crazy is grand, though I really wonder if he thinks I'm more screwed up than I actually am. Or maybe he just has a more accurate reading of my crazy and I think I'm not all that bad but in reality I'm some freakshow who goes around excitedly buying water coolers on the internet.

Or maybe I'm reading far too much into this and Joe just needs to have his hearing checked.

Six Word Saturday

Describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here. Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. I love seeing what everyone does each week with their entries.

Excited to see what comes next

Each week (probably on Sunday or Monday), I use random.org to select a bunch of entries to visit. That way, everyone has equal chance. In addition, please visit the person ahead of you on the list (or visit everyone if you like!). That way everyone receives at least one visit!

All that's necessary to participate is to post your own six words. You can post an explanation if you wish but it's certainly not required. If you play along in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back (shiny code below if you like!). Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in this post as a comment.

Please be sure to link either to your main page or (preferably) directly to the 6WS post. Links to blogs that do not contain a 6WS entry will be removed (sorry, just the button in the sidebar doesn't count as participating).

<a href="http://www.showmyface.com/search/label/6WS"><img src="http://i395.photobucket.com/albums/pp35/showmyface/guts/6wsButton.jpg" /></a>

My Dearest Gwen

I'm thankful for... Gwen, my Blackberry.

Recently, I sent Joe a text that was supposed to say: highway bad both dirs. Gwen so helpfully corrected it to highway bad both firs.

Why am I thankful? Because Gwen is not a total skankwhore like iPhones. I've seen what their autocorrect does. Frankly, it's disgusting and juvenile and I laughed so hard I scared the cat I was NOT amused.

P.S. Also not amusing? When I wrote this post, last night, the Damn You Autocorrect site wasn't working. So, another fail.

Countdown

Walking into the office, knowing my time here is almost over, has become excruciating. My resignation has set off a chain reaction of drama and panic and demands and complete crazy.

I am thankful for... 32 hours left to work.

Warmth

I'm thankful for... the lovely mild weather. A few dreary days, some strong storms overnight, and now it's warm and sunny and lovely outside.

Stayin' Alive

I am thankful for... The BeeGees. Perked me right up on a rainy drive into work this morning.

Do NOT judge me. I don't judge YOU out loud to your face about your love of Harry Potter and Twilight.

Destination: Resignation

A NaBloPoMo of Gratitude that has been LONG in the making... This is the Ambiguous Gratitude I mentioned last week.

After a weekend alone, I've been able to wrap my head around things enough to blog about it, at least a little bit.

As I write this, at home on a class day, my boss is telling the rest of my department at work that I turned in my resignation on Friday. He will then email all of the other department directors, and by the time I go into the office tomorrow, I expect it will be widely known.

It wasn't an easy decision. I've been at that job for almost ten years. During that time, I've taken my position from small and narrow to large and in-charge. But due to politics and selfish agendas, my duties have narrowed once more and I'm no longer in control. All of this while I'm taking my classes and growing excited about all of the possibilities out there that I want so much to explore. That's the professional side of my resignation.

I was gearing up to leave anyways, eventually. Emotional abuse, unnecessary stress, the drama llama... The mental and physical toll it has all taken on my well-being is ridiculous. And it all came to a head two weeks ago with a completely avoidable incident that resulted in the head honcho (CEO-equivalent, my boss's boss's boss) forcing me to work on a class day. To sum it up, he knew he had promised something on a certain date, but he didn't bother communicating that to me or anyone else, and when he was told I wasn't working that day, he said he didn't care and it had to be done RIGHT THEN regardless.

Maybe it doesn't sound like much. But it is the second major interruption I've had of my classwork. And after years and years, it was my breaking point.

So on Friday, I turned in my resignation. My last day will be November 29th. It wasn't an easy decision but after talking with Joe and considering all of our options, it seemed like the only decision.

I'm sharing it here, but I won't be sharing it with my family. I don't have it in me to deal with their questions and concerns and judging right now. What matters is that I am confident in my decision, my husband supports me, and financially, we can afford to do give me this break before I breakdown any more.

For all this, I am thankful. And (because it can't be said enough) to all of you who have supported me through the craziness of work over the years and especially my Twitter-freaking over the past few months, I appreciate that you support me in ways that my family never has and never will. The last couple of weeks have been an especially trying time to find myself committed to a month of thankfulness on my blog, but I'll be able to end the month on a high note.

What's next for me? Stay tuned...

P.S. Just a reminder to those of you on Facebook - please don't mention it there. I *really* don't want the family reading it.

Me me me

NaBloPoMo of Gratitude:

I am thankful for...

• a healthy husband who decides "eh, let's run a 10k in 2 days" and does so at an 8 minute pace
• personal growth over the years that allows me to appreciate a weekend alone rather than spazzing that my husband is out of town
• diva-cats that occasionally crave affection.

Happy Sunday!

Six Word Saturday

Describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here. Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. I love seeing what everyone does each week with their entries.

Joe running 10k. Cate running amok.

Each week (probably on Sunday or Monday), I use random.org to select a bunch of entries to visit. That way, everyone has equal chance. In addition, please visit the person ahead of you on the list (or visit everyone if you like!). That way everyone receives at least one visit!

All that's necessary to participate is to post your own six words. You can post an explanation if you wish but it's certainly not required. If you play along in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back (shiny code below if you like!). Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in this post as a comment.

Please be sure to link either to your main page or (preferably) directly to the 6WS post. Links to blogs that do not contain a 6WS entry will be removed (sorry, just the button in the sidebar doesn't count as participating).

<a href="http://www.showmyface.com/search/label/6WS"><img src="http://i395.photobucket.com/albums/pp35/showmyface/guts/6wsButton.jpg" /></a>

TGIF

NaBloPoMo of Gratitude, Captain Obvious-style.

I'm thankful for... Friday!!!!

We've reached the end of what has been a very stressful ten days for me. Classes and work have been non-stop deadlines, demands, and drama.

Now it's Friday. Joe's meeting me for lunch at a park nearby. At 5pm, I start a three-day weekend. And I even have some time to myself since Joe will be on the road for a 10k.

So TGIF, people! Hope your weekend is made of awesome!

Friends

Quick gratitude today.

I am thankful for... friends. I have several friends I want to devote longer posts to but in the meantime, just thank you to those of you who provide me with reasons to smile, shoulders to cry on, and my very own cheering section.

You all kick the llama's ass. (Eleventy bajillion cat hairs to the first person to get that reference - and no, it has nothing to do with my drama llama boss)

Ambiguous Gratitude

NaBloPoMo of Gratitude, day #8264. Or something.

Today, I am thankful for... something I don't quite dare blog about yet. There are big changes coming in my life and I feel like if I blog about things before they are official, I'll jinx it somehow.

Don't worry though - you will all know in due time. Which brings me to my second gratitude of the day (I KNOW! Total over-achiever!): I am thankful for... this blog. I won't be sharing any of this with anyone "for realz" except Joe. Which means this blog is about to become my only outlet for a significant bit of my life.

P.S. No, I'm not pregnant.

Attention! The NaBloPoMo of Gratitude...

...is not feeling very grateful today.

I'm thankful for... days that last only 24 hours so we can start fresh tomorrow.

Though that makes me wonder - what's so special about a "new day" as opposed to a "new hour" or a "new minute"? Why do we waste so much time waiting for a new day or a new week or a new month?

Maybe it has to do with sleep.

Monday? Where's My Coffee?

Day 8 of my NaBloPoMo of Gratitude and I am thankful for... coffee.

Especially on a Monday morning. The lyrics to this video are awesome. And bonus because if you don't care about coffee, you can just enjoy the awesome dog doing amazing tricks. Everyone wins!



The song is "Coffee", by Josh Woodward, and I kinda love it.

With enough coffee, anything is possible

Extra Hour

NaBloPoMo of Gratitude Day #7.

I am thankful for... an extra hour today.

Bet this is the only blog in the whole time-changing world that even mentions that today, huh?

I plan to use half of it towards classwork and the other half towards a movie.

Six Word Saturday

Describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here. Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. I love seeing what everyone does each week with their entries.

Thankful for sleeping in on Saturdays

Each week (probably on Sunday or Monday), I use random.org to select a bunch of entries to visit. That way, everyone has equal chance. In addition, please visit the person ahead of you on the list (or visit everyone if you like!). That way everyone receives at least one visit!

All that's necessary to participate is to post your own six words. You can post an explanation if you wish but it's certainly not required. If you play along in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back (shiny code below if you like!). Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in this post as a comment.

Please be sure to link either to your main page or (preferably) directly to the 6WS post. Links to blogs that do not contain a 6WS entry will be removed (sorry, just the button in the sidebar doesn't count as participating).

<a href="http://www.showmyface.com/search/label/6WS"><img src="http://i395.photobucket.com/albums/pp35/showmyface/guts/6wsButton.jpg" /></a>

Presence of Mind

I am thankful for... the presence of mind to try to be thankful, even though it's a challenge right now.

I have a whole long post I want to write about this but today is not the day. I want to approach it on a more upbeat day so I can share the joy it's bringing on most days. But this has been a bad week. Work has sucked the life out of me, I'm behind on classwork, and I haven't been able to spend any time on a personal project that's very important to me.

But I'm thankful that even though there's a lot of negative going on right now, I'm at least trying not to let it get me down. I'm attempting not to focus on it, not to let it leave me unable to function. I'm still looking for the good, hoping for the best, and moving in the general direction of "forward". Even if I'm not moving as quickly as I'd like and whistling a happy tune.

A shorty

Today, I am thankful for... being inside, snuggled up in my blanket, drinking coffee. No need to be out in the rain dealing with the world.

Small Children

Day 3 of NaNoFoSho NoShoMoFo gratitude month. I wasn't sure what I wanted to be grateful for today. Not that I'm grumpy or lacking in options, but nothing felt quite right.

Then I got an email from my sister's photo account, alerting me to new photos of the niece and nephew. Yay, Halloween! Except, Collin? Not so much yay. More like there is no way I am going to pull up the hood on this suit to make me look like a monkey and I hate you for even making me put on the rest of it. Ahh, 2.5 year olds.

Caley, on the other hand? She was dressed as a pea pod. An outfit so overdone for small children that I'm sure you've all seen it. For reference, see photo at right. (Note: that is some random baby, not my niece) Only Caley is an active little critter and 10 months old, standing and trying to walk, so her feet were freer.

Anyways, the first photo of Caley only had the hat part on her head. And her grin just screamed OMG, do you see this thing on my head? It's like the best thing in the ENTIRE WORLD!!! Every picture of this kid is like that. The biggest most maniacal grin. Pure joy. Even the photo where she's eating a sock, she's smiling like it's her birthday, she just won the lottery, AND she has found the answer to world peace.

And so today, I am thankful for... the absolute glee on my niece's face, like every day is a gift and every moment an adventure. I wish we didn't lose that joy as we grow into adults. And I wish that little munchkin lived closer because I miss the hell out of her.

Easily Amused

Day two of "NaBloPoMo of Gratitude". I'm wondering how many days in before typing "NaBloPoMo" comes a bit more naturally...

I am thankful for... my ability to be easily amused.

Now, before you think to yourself, "Self, it's only the second day and already she's not taking this seriously!", I need to clarify that I am 100% for realz about being grateful for this ability. Even if some people may see it less as a skill and more as a hindrance.

For example, I have this amazing ability to misread things in ways that make them far more interesting. A few days ago, I read a headline about "Weather Hamsters Search for Plane". Whoa, weather hamsters! I was excited to read this article because my husband is a total weather geek and yet he's never mentioned weather hamsters. Propelled by a need to one up my husband help make Joe's weather knowledge more complete, I clicked the article only to be let down. "Weather HAMPERS search for plane." Pfft. How boring!

I do that kind of thing all the time. And rather than be disappointed about the non-existence of weather hamsters, I choose to laugh. I find the funny where I can. And some days, I really need it.

So yes, I am thankful for my ability to be easily amused.

NaBloPoMo of Gratitude

Tis November. In years past, I may have been tempted to join in the NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) madness. Alas, this year finds me neck-deep in classwork and uninspired to write fiction.

Instead, in solidarity with the every-day-writers, I thought I'd commit to NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month). But to avoid commitment of another type (the kind that involves men in white jackets), I needed a way to post every day without losing that last half a shred of sanity. That's when I received an email from Cheryl at The B'z House that Love Built. She's running a "2010 I'm thankful for..." challenge. Perfect!

Every day this month, I will be posting something I'm thankful for - some will no doubt be longer than others. Some days will include actual posts that relate to the gratitude and some days it might be a challenge just to get out a sentence. But my emotions have been a bit up and down recently and my attitude could definitely benefit from focusing on some warm fuzzies.

So best of luck to my friends participating in NaNoWriMo. Same to my pals doing NaBloPoMo. And my hat is off to those of you crazy dedicated enough to do both.

I am thankful for... cozy scarves that protect my neck from the cold.

P.S. I don't actually wear hats but it's the thought that counts, right?