Six Word Saturday

Time for another Six Word Saturday. To learn more about the origins of this concept, please check out the link above. Short explanation: Explain your life in six words or less.

Migraine replaces anxiety? Not really fair.

The trip to Florida has been mostly great. But this nagging on-again off-again migraine, which distracts from anxiety attacks, is really getting old.

Can't wait to read what you all come up with (though I may be slower than usual to comment this time around - but I will get to you all ASAP.

Not connected

Never were truer words spoken. Or at least flashed across my screen I'm writing this in notepad because I have no internet connection.

HELP!!!

See, I was totally right to be anxious about this trip. Everyone said "relax, it's Florida, not the North Pole!". Yeah, well, there's no internet here so if the North Pole has a wireless hotspot, sign me up!

We arrived in Orlando safely around 9:30 last night after a blissfully smooth flight. Seamless transfer to the rental car and we hit the road for Auntie's at the coast. By 11pm we were sitting in her new place munching on Burger King greasiness. And all with very little anxiety from me because I was bound and gagged in the checked baggage heavily sedated more focused on dealing with the neverending migraine (which I now cautiously say has ended again). Joe was practically gleeful when I requested food - I've gone entire weekend trips without eating so no hunger strike is a good sign.

But our trip has two primary purposes - see Auntie's new condo and set up her new laptop. Which means until Sleeping Beauty Snoring Wonder Joe wakes up and hooks up that wireless router, I am "not connected".

Such an accurate phrase, "not connected". I can't access my email. I can't read my blogs or post a blog. I can't catch up on the news. I can't spy on my kitties with the webcam. I can't check the weather. I miss my Twitter.

I'm hoping he wakes up soon and saves me from this horrid state because I'm not one that desires a vacation from technology all that often. I like to be connected.

P.S. The World's Greatest Husband (ok, MY greatest husband anyways) woke up and found me some interwebz!

Vacation from myself

Ugh, this week. Why is it always that the more I have to accomplish, the more likely I am to have a migraine?

Tonight, Joe and I fly to Florida to see his Auntie. She is the most awesome woman on the face of the planet and more of a mother to Joe than his own by far. Visiting Auntie is not a stressful trip. In fact, our primary purpose is to help set up her new laptop for her which means I'll be sitting around on my own laptop or reading most of the weekend. Awesome.

Except, first I have to get there. And for me, the stress of that begins long before we head to the airport.

Our trip is just long enough that we have to call in the cat sitter one day to make sure Tonya doesn't eat Rusty. This means the house needs to be cleaned. Not spotless but definitely picked up and vacuumed. This even applies to rooms that you'd think I can just close off because she won't need to go in them but I learned that lesson the hard way when we were four hours away from home and our fire alarm went off. We had to call her to check it out which resulted in her entering every room in our house. Horrifying.

Then there's the packing. Clothes, electronics, reading material, medication. What to bring? It will be warm there, but I'm cold here. Joe made me take out the sweatpants I had packed for pajamas and replace them with a pair of shorts. He also told me it would be ok to only take one sweater for the evenings and that I might want to consider some t-shirts or tanks for daytime instead of the sweatshirts and fleece tops. Shoes? I haven't even figured those out yet. And I really want to take my slanket.

So all of that comes before we even hit the airport. I stress the whole way. Parking, security, getting to the gate, waiting for the plane, boarding, takeoff, flight, landing, deplaning, finding the rental car, driving to Auntie's...

But if we can get me there in one piece, it should be a nice quiet trip. At least until it's time to come home again on Sunday night.

I'm handling the anxiety better than our last few trips but still having moments here and there. Mostly I'm frustrated that I've had migraines all week because that meant all of the housework had to be crammed into last night. But it's done which only leaves a few last minute items to take care of before we head to the airport this evening. Yay for Joe, as always, keeping me from shutting down.

Also, tidying up some loose ends here on the blog before I leave tonight (I'll be blogging on the trip, I go nowhere without my laptop!). I recently received a couple of awards that I haven't claimed yet.

Tiffany at Poetry and Hums gifted me with the Honest Scrap award. Since I've already participated in this one once, I'm going to ask instead that you please go visit her blog. I'll admit it was the Pooh bear in her profile that first caught my eye but I really enjoy her writing.

And then Ryan Ashley Scott, who I never know if I should be calling Ryan or Ryan Ashley or RAS, gave me the Hug Award:
I wouldn't even know where to begin in choosing 10 people for this award but you all help me fill my boring days at work, which I greatly appreciate.

Ok, time to post this so I can go back to not stressing about the trip tonight. I'll find my rhythm again and starting posting at my regularly scheduled time again soon, I hope. Just bear with me a little longer! And sorry this turned out so long considering I had nothing to say!

&%*#@ Fish!

Today is Ash Wednesday, which begins the season of Lent. Or, as I like to call it, "The Season of Arguing with Joe About The Meat-Status of Fish". But more on that later.

Let me get this out up front so nobody thinks this is going to be a heavy religious post. Nope, not here. I figure I should have a clue how I really feel about those things before I attempt blogging about them. I do know that I was raised in a very conservative Christian family and some of that has stuck with me. Joe was raised Catholic. Together, we sometimes attend an Episcopal church when I'm not completely fed up with them over one thing or the other.

Anyhoo... (And boy do I hate "anyhoo")

Just like with Valentine's Day, I love having an excuse for something. Lent, I will admit, is less about religion for me and more about an opportunity to form a good habit - or give up a bad one. Maybe this involves a failed goal from New Year's or perhaps it is something new. Whatever, I believe that if you make a change for long enough, chances are it will become routine and continue.

This year, I am going to attempt to curb my potty mouth. It's gotten quite out of control lately so it's time to do something about it. So, no more swears. I'll allow myself "hell" and "damn" but that's it. Anyone want to take bets on how long it lasts and who/what causes my first stumble? I'm willing to bet it's work-related but we're traveling this weekend so that's a possible candidate as well.

And now, as promised, let's discuss the concept of eating fish on Fridays during Lent. The origins of this, I believe, is that fish is cheap. Only the poor folk ate fish. So by giving up more expensive meats on Friday and eating fish, that was a sacrifice. Probably you are supposed to turn the money you save over to the church.

Each Lenten season, Joe "gives up meat" on Fridays in exchange for fish. Let me explain to you the three reasons this fails.

1. Joe loves fish. He'd eat it every night if I'd agree to it so this is not a sacrifice. It would be the equivalent of me "giving up" Cabernet Sauvignon in exchange for Pinot Noir.
2. Joe doesn't often eat cheap fish so he's not saving money that can be passed along to a worthy cause.
3. Fish IS meat. So if he's giving up meat, why is he still eating fish?

And yes, I've read the explanations about why fish is not meat. That doesn't work for me. It's a living breathing creature of which we eat the flesh. This means it is meat. And since it's my blog, I'm right. (Kidding! Sort of...)

But, since it means something to Joe, even though I don't understand it, I'll humor him. Just like he humors my blogging. And just about every other thing I do. That's how we roll.

Why there's nothing to see here today

I said in yesterday's post that since it was so long I'd be phoning it in for the rest of the week. And for today, I think that's partly true. You're getting a bit of a posting potpourri this time for the following reasons:

1. I usually write my posts the night before. Last night, I had a pounding migraine.
2. I'm completely stressing about a non-stressful trip we're taking this weekend so my attention is focused there.
3. Instead of arriving to work early to write a real post, I was pulled over and screamed at by a State Trooper for kicking puppies dealing crack trying to make a right on red like I do every day by pulling into the dirt because there's no turning lane even though there should be one there.
4. All of which resulted in arriving 3 minutes late to work, at which point my boss continued the pattern of screaming. Yes, for being 3 minutes late. Did you miss the part yesterday where I said exactly 8am to exactly 5pm? Because I wasn't kidding.

So, how about some actual content...

Have you had a chance to play around with Wordle? Here's one created by an awesome person (not me) for this blog and I've circled some things I found interesting:

• Thanks anyways (I should say this more often)
  
• totally babyless (even my blog thinks I'm anti-children)
• just going home (don't I wish?)
  
• everyone legal (phew!)
• love actually (one of my favorite movies!)

Also, I'd like to point out that Joe is proportionately much larger than SomeMonkey so his accusations that I talk to her more than him are completely unfounded. Wordle speaketh the truth!

Now, to catch up, make a million lists, and find some organization. I should be back on schedule with my blogging for tomorrow if all goes as planned.

Interview with Lyndsay from I Used to be Witty

Posting a little late today but for a good reason!

I can't remember exactly how I found Lyndsay's blog (I Used to Be Witty) but it's one of the first I started following. She's a fantastic writer and I really enjoy her sense of humor. Don't let the title fool you - she's still witty and her entries always bring a smile to my face. It was also Lyndsay who first introduced me to SITS. And the rest, as they say, is history.

So when Lyndsay called for volunteers to trade interviews, I was all "pick me, pick me!!!". Today, I'm answering her questions here and you can see her answers to my questions over on her blog.

In advance, I apologize for this being a lengthy post. Lyndsay's in HR and asks horrifically difficult questions (I kid!). Not kidding though, I think I could've made each into their own post. Treat it as a bonus - you get 5 posts in one today. And I'm totally phoning it in for the rest of the week.

1) You said that you often feel misunderstood or unheard. What is one misperception about you that people often have?

Some people find me stand-offish and think I'm cold or rude. The truth is that my anxiety paralyzes me. New situations and people freak me out. Also, I've been burned by a lot of people over the years, both family and friends, and it makes me even more cautious and nervous. But truly, I enjoy people. I just can't seem to overcome myself and it gives people the wrong idea.

2) So, what is with the boring job? What exactly is it that you do? If Cate could pick her perfect, un-boring job, what would it be? On the contrary, what job would be the most terrifying to you?

After my freshman year in college, I sold my soul made the practical decision to change my major from Communications to Computer Science. The Communications program at my school was really a "fluff" major to keep the athletes eligible for their sports. A combination of boredom (interesting subjects dumbed down), the realization that I'm terrified of people/public speaking, and a practical look at what would pay the bills all factored into the decision.

Which is a long way of saying that instead of pursuing a career I enjoy, I'm now in a very stable, well-paid, boring as hell job that completely squashes creativity. I'm a webmaster for a government entity and the two most highly prized qualifications for my job are patience and attendance. Patience - don't kill the boss or coworkers. Attendance - be at my desk from exactly 8am to exactly 5pm even if I only do 10 minutes of work each day. This leaves plenty of time for blogging, surfing, reading, and trying not to fall asleep.

Dream job? It wouldn't be a big move to get into creating actual content for websites or helping drive user experience - I've done both on the side and for myself. If only the economy would cooperate and provide some opportunities. I'd also love to be in PR/marketing/advertising or (let's dream big!) to make a living somehow from writing.

Most terrifying? Something high pressure with a lot of people interaction. Being "on" completely exhausts me and overworks my anxiety.

Wow, that was kinda long. Sorry.

3) Joe sounds like a wonderful guy. What is it that makes Cate and Joe such a perfect match?

Joe is the perfect counterbalance to my craziness. He's very calm and methodical, a total rock that I know I can depend on. If Joe says he's taking care of something, I can just let it go and trust that it's going to be ok.

He also pushes me outside of my comfort zone so I don't curl up in a ball and sing "Kumbaya" in the corner while life passes me by. But he's supportive when he coaxes me out of my shell and he's greatly enriched my life in this way. Without him, I'd no doubt be wasting away back in the little hole I grew up in. Instead I get to lead this fabulous life and enjoy so many things I never dreamed of, all with my bestest friend at my side.

Why I'm a good match for Joe? I couldn't answer so I sent him the question. For the first time ever, Joe speaks!

I love being with Cate and sharing all of life's experiences with her by my side.

Cate always supports me in everything I do or plan to do (no matter how crazy or overly-ambitious) and listens whenever I need to vent about random things - even if she is bored to tears. Cate is an inspiration to me...she is so incredibly creative and has some of the best ideas. Our shared background is an added bonus, since it helps us better understand the other's messed up family realities.

If I did not have to work, there is nothing I would rather do than spend all my time with Cate...my soul mate! Whether traveling the world or sharing a bottle of wine while staring into her beautiful eyes, Cate brings incredible happiness to me each day - she is who I live for.

I didn't even have to pay him (or bribe him with cookies) to write that! <3 for sure!

4) If you were restricted with internet access to only four sites, which ones would they be and why?

As someone who lives online all day for work, narrowing it down to 4 is tough! It would probably be cheating to say my Google Reader (with access to all my blogs and news).

I'll go with my blog first. Being able to post and read comments is a lot of fun and therapeutic. I could spend hours working on my blog if I had no other distractions.

Gmail - I have to have my email and the task list/calendar. Without these, I'm pretty certain I'd just sit on the edge of the bed all day with no clue what I'm supposed to do.

Hulu.com - I've just started watching Arrested Development episodes there.

Television Without Pity - I have to be able to follow discussions about my favorite tv shows.

5) If you had to pick the most significant moment/day/event of your life up to this point, what would it be?

No question - Cate Independence Day, July 22, 2004. This is the day I finally stood up for myself against my mother. Our relationship has always been bad and it had reached a major impasse. I put my foot down, set some boundaries, and things have vastly improved since then. We'll probably never be close, unfortunately, but the situation has become manageable. That day trumps so many other days that shaped me along the way by finally providing a sense of accomplishment and moving forward. This sounds sort of like a negative or bitter event but it was a very positive situation. We (me and Joe - I'm sure not so much my mother) even celebrate it each year to remember how far I've come.

And so that's your super-long response to Lyndsay's awesome questions. Check out her super-awesome answers to my probably pathetic questions over on her blog.

Also, since this was so much fun, let me know if you'd be interested in an interview swap with me.

P.S. Guess I offended SomeMonkey with my use of "bestest friend". She's just jealous because she thought SHE was my BFF, not Joe. Silly monkey.

Sunday Confession: A retraction of sorts

I have a confession to make...



Yeah, we gave in. I'm a wuss.

Some very evil gun-toting persuasive little girls accosted us outside Lowes.

"Would you yike to buy thome Girl thcout cewkies?" says knee-high pig-tailed crack dealer child. And of course she knows just who to target. Joe.

Now we have three boxes of the evil cookies in the house. Not for long though - the Thin Mints are half gone, and there's only one chocolate peanut butter cookie left.

So much for lying to children.

Six Word Saturday

Time for another Six Word Saturday. To learn more about the origins of this concept, please check out the link above. Short explanation: Explain your life in six words or less.

I was torn between two entries this week:

Relaxing weekend? Too busy for that!

and

Joe doesn't get this. At all.
aka

I'm sorry, do I bore you?

I really don't think he gets Six Word Saturday. Or my blog. Or me sometimes. I'm not complaining - he's a great guy. But really, sometimes I'm certain we're from different planets.

Can't wait to read your six words, either in the comments or on your own site through Mr. Linky below!

Can't touch this

I keep trying to post about my family, as promised. But I can't seem to do it without writing an entire novel that's boring and whiny and noone cares. Don't worry, plenty of time for me to work that out.

Instead, I pose a question. For Valentine's Day, one of the gifts I bought Joe was "Couple's Table Topics Game". It's a tiny box of cards with topics to discuss with your partner. A silly little thing but kinda fun.

The first question is "What one possession of your partner's would you most like to dispose of?". (Another question, by the way, is "What do you miss most about being single?". I'm thinking this product is sponsored by divorce lawyers.)

I didn't hesitate with my answer. The one possession of his I'd get rid of is long gone. Back before we were even married, he was working while I packed his dorm room to move from one building to another. This was the perfect opportunity for me to trash his orange, zebra-striped MC Hammer pants.

Oh, do NOT think I'm kidding about this. Also, the year was 1997. Not 1990. Also, no, he never wore them out in public during the time I knew him (1995). But I was terrified that for some reason he might, which is why they had to go. And go they did.

Joe followed suit with the clothing answer, saying he hated a pair of his blue plaid boxer shorts - that I wear for pajamas. I thought men liked it when we wear their boxers as shorts? No? He hasn't worn this particular pair in at least a decade so I guess I've been annoying him for ten years in an extra bonus way I didn't even know about? Awesome. Oh no, the horror!

So after dinner that night, I went upstairs and handed Joe the boxers in question. He didn't just toss them in the nearest trash. He actually walked them out to the dumpster in the garage.

It's amazing how this had apparently been bothering him for so many years and I was oblivious. If I'd known it would bring him such joy, I would've had him toss them long ago.

What item of your partner's, clothing or otherwise, would you like to toss? And what of yours do you think they'd like to heave?

How rude!

I've been trying hard to workout more regularly lately. Since we canceled our gym memberships to save pennies, I've been using the WiiFit. Here's what happened tonight.

WiiFit: How's Joe's posture lately?

My choices were something like better, worse, the same.

me: The same.
WiiFit: Change is good, don't you think? Maybe you aren't paying enough attention to Joe.
me: Really, you're critiquing my marriage? I happen to think my marriage is just fine, thankyouverymuch.
WiiFit: Did you know eye contact is good for establishing a positive dog-human relationship?

Say WHAT?!?!?! Did that WiiFit call my husband a dog? Or was it calling me a dog? And yet we paid to bring this machine into our home. So much for being grateful.

Reality show star

As I was watching Solitary (one of my favorite shows), I was noticing the "titles" under the contestants names. They represent quite the range.

• marathon runner
• hates old people
• nursing home attendant

With the titles in mind, I watched the premiere of one of my other favorite shows, The Amazing Race, just waiting to see the crazy labels.

• dating
• married
• dating
• father/son
• sisters

The most interesting one I saw was "former NFL cheerleaders". How dull! I've seen much more interesting descriptors in the past:

• rodeo clowns
• lives with parents
• rocket scientist
• air traffic controllers
  
• retired beekeepers
• hippies

It makes me wonder what my own title would be on a show like that. What role would I fill? I'd want it to be something really off-the-wall, not something boring like my job title.

• runs with scissors
• obsessed with chips & dip
• hates Jack Black
• bit her dentist
• designs custom greeting cards
• black sheep of the family
• picks things up with her feet
• punches people in the face

How about you? If you were ever on a reality show, how would the sum yourself up in just a few catchy words under your name?

P.S. The fantabulously amazing Snarky A is hosting a Bloghosphere Oscar Party! Be sure to fill out your ballot and send it in before Saturday even though I'm totally going to win.

Free money? No thanks!

Anyone out there that couldn't put a $250 Target gift card to use? Yeah, didn't think so. (If you are some kind of weirdo a cult member someone who has no use for this, feel free to sign up, win, and share your burden with me.) I'm sure I could find something creative to spend that kind of money on. I'd even promise to blog about it. Which is why I'm participating in Barking Mad's "Show off Your Favorites" giveaway!

This also gives me a chance to share some of my favorite "older posts". And by "older" I mean "a lot of you found me about a month ago when I was listed as a Saucy Blog on SITS so older than that".

• Apparently we have a hot neighbor
  
• On (not) writing
• Separate checks?
• SWYMM: Baby edition
• One is the loneliest number
• John "Doom & Gloom" Tesh
• If the shoe fits
• So many kids and none of them mine (yay!)
• Confession: I have no team spirit
• Migraine mumbles

I hope you enjoy reading some of my older posts and don't you dare decrease my chances by participating make sure you sign-up for the giveaway if you haven't already!

SWYMM: Therapist Edition

Say What You Mean Mondays - actual quotes from actual people. People who often have at least one foot in their mouth.

Today, I share with you the words and wisdom of my (ex)therapist.

"Those shoes are so cute!" - We once discussed my shoes for 10 minutes. $100/hr means I paid her $16.67 $100/50 minutes means I paid her $20 to discuss a pair of tattered white sandals that I bought for $7 six years ago. Somehow I don't think this is helping.

"Do you drink? I think you should try a drink next time you fly to calm yourself down."

"This is a picture of my cat, Moonbeam, wearing a sparkly red bow for Christmas. And here she is again chasing her tail. And eating a piece of cheese." - I'm not sure what she was trying to accomplish here.

"Isn't that fountain just lovely? I got it at TJMaxx." - That fountain was the reason I had to limit water intake before our sessions. It always made me need to pee.

"I think it's possible your mother caused you a bit of stress." - No, ya think?

"It could be really good for you to have a glass of wine at night."

"Oh, your doctor put you on Lexapro? I don't know anything about it." - Yes, she's a counselor, not a doctor, but shouldn't she be somewhat familiar with these types of drugs?

"Know what book you should read? 'Engulfed in Flames' by David Sedaris. It would help you a lot." - I had no idea this was a book club.

"Have you ever tried having a drink or two when you feel anxious?" - What is the obsession with turning me into an alcoholic? Job security?

I've never felt more sane than when I broke up with my therapist. I think she probably needed help more than me.

P.S. SomeMonkey pointed out that my math was wrong when she read my post last night. And it took me until this morning to realize what she was talking about. Because she's smarter than me. So I fixed it.

Sunday non-confessions

So, no confession today. Well, sorta. I want to blog in a more boring way. More of a "day to day" sorta post. Sorry if you're bored by it or offended by warm fuzziness, though it's not so warm fuzzy. I want to tell you about my Valentine's Day.

However, I want to share my REAL Valentine's Day. I was typing up my Valetine's Day for the blog the family has access to - the G-rated, boring, menu-centered version - and felt more inclined to share some of the things I can't share there.

Joe made us a dinner reservation at 6:30, destination unknown to me. Given my anxiety issues, I figured this meant he intended to kill me. Despite his fabulous intentions, I don't do well with surprises. And the last fancy place we went out to was for my birthday last March, during which I spent the entire meal in the bathroom. What a waste of money and shaving my legs.

Last night, I kept myself distracted until we left for our reservation. We went to an upscale steakhouse, were seated promptly in the far end of the far dining room, and even though I was fine until that point, I promptly started to freak out. Yay claustrophobia! I felt trapped and it seemed hot in there (Joe says no, it was actually sorta cool). My mind was fine but my tummy said otherwise. I ignored it for as long as possible and finally told Joe to order whatever appetizer he wanted while I hit the ladies' room (I'm totally not confident about that apostrophe, btw).

A quick emptying of the tummy later, I returned to find our appetizer and wine delivered. I sat down, Joe put a scallop on my plate, and I promptly began coughing. No, not coughing. Hacking. Gagging. Dying. So I left and went outside for a few minutes. Came back to the table, ate a tasty scallop. Told Joe to eat the rest of them, went back outside.

Finally I was able to regain control and enjoy the rest of the meal. Salad, entree (petite filet mignon), and dessert with no problems.

Then we came home and went to sleep before 10pm. My plague is still kicking my ass, obviously.

I hope you all felt some love yesterday. While I did far better than the last time we went out for a fancy meal, I still experienced a few freakout moments. I'm just grateful I was able to finally settle down enough to enjoy the evening. That's progress for me, which makes me warm and fuzzy.

So sorry for no Sunday confession but sometimes I just want to blog about my day and it's my blog so I can. Or I'll punch you in the face.

UPDATED: Six Word Saturday

Time for another Six Word Saturday. To learn more about the origins of this concept, please check out the link above.

UPDATED: And because I was a dumbass hopped up on magic cough syrup blogging while working on world peace forgetful, I meant to mention that there is a Valentine-y version of the original six word book. It's called Six-Word Memoirs on Love and Heartbreak: by Writers Famous and Obscure. I should've mentioned it last week because it would make a cute little gifty for today. I guess if you're really stuck, you could check the bookstore for it.

My man is a good one.

Happy Valentine's Day to all of my readers. I hope you all feel loved today, even if it's just knowing that little ole me really appreciates your visits and your comments.

I made you all a card:





Please play along - it only takes a minute! Leave your six words in the comments below or post them to your own site and use Mr. Linky.

No birthday for you

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day so I thought I'd share my thoughts on people who complain about the occasion, not that anyone asked. See, I share free of charge. I'm cool like that. But then no matter what I wrote, it sounded obnoxious. So I deleted it all and started over. Several times. Instead, you get this, whatever this is.

Also, I'm just going to own up right now to the fact that my head is throbbing and I'm a little mumbly.

I neither love nor hate 2/14. I'm a believer in "you shouldn't need a special day to tell someone you care" but I'm also of the thought that "a little extra love in the world sure ain't a bad idea". We have holidays to remember all sorts of occasions, why not one to celebrate love? And have you seen Joaquin Phoenix's career my 401k the news lately? The world is not a happy place. We could use a little more warm and fuzzy!

So to those of you who hate Valentine's Day, I say we'll cancel it when you give up your birthday. I mean, why should we only treat people as special on that one day a year commemorating their birth? Why pay extra attention just once annually?

To all of those who have fought for our freedom, sorry, but no Veterans Day for you.

To those overworked admins? No Secretary's Day.

And dare I mention Mother's Day or Father's Day? What an unnecessary load of hooey!

Apparently, we should all just remember everyone for every reason everyday and not single out one day to remember these various honors. I know I'm really great at remembering things so not a problem!

Realizing how ridiculous those scenarios are, I give the same argument for Valentine's Day. We shouldn't ignore our "significant other" (which, really, how bizarre is that phrase? I totally want to be an insignificant other!) only to pay attention and treat them well on that one day. How silly!

And yet all of these situations are valid to me. We should take time out to appreciate each other on a much more regular basis. But if we need a little reminder from time to time under the guise of a Hallmark-created holiday, so be it.

Just because maybe you personally aren't so inclined to participate in this specific occasion, it doesn't mean the rest of the world should not. In a few months, I'll be sharing my thoughts on Mother's Day but the summation goes like this - I'm not close to my mother, I don't even think she WAS much of a mother, and I'm sure not up for celebrating that she's my mother. But I also appreciate that there are a lot of fabulous mothers out there so I celebrate them and would not begrudge them their day.

I guess in the end this was still sorta about the people who dislike Valentine's Day but it's a lot different approach than when I began. Yay for wandering minds. I'm just so exhausted by the hurt and pain in the world (and in my head) right now and I'd much rather have everyone feel a bit of love instead of running into so much bitterness over something like Valentine's Day.

And if you don't like it? I'm totally taking your birthday away. Deal with it. Or I'll punch you in the face.

P.S. In the interest of not getting older, I'd be willing to give my birthday away. Who's with me?

A PSA, for me as much as you

I want to take this opportunity to bring attention to a very serious issue causing anger and turmoil in the world today. No, not really, it's a grammar pet peeve. No good getting high and mighty about it, I'm just going to allow myself to rant for a few minutes.

"I could care less about Angelina Jolie."

Really? You could? Because that means you care at least somewhat right now. Otherwise, it wouldn't be possible for you to care any less than you currently do.

Perhaps what you meant to say was:

"I couldn't care less about the price of beans in Denmark."

This means you care so little that it's not even possible for you to care less about it. You don't care at all, not one iota.

Oh, how this phrase pains me! It pains me almost as much as seeing the wrong form of they're/their/there. Or apostrophes on a plural non-possessive word.

Please, make the world a better place. The phrase is "couldn't care less". And if you use it wrong, I'm going to send angry neighbor's dog to eat your face. (See how I use apostrophes and your correctly there? I'm sure you couldn't care less.)

What am I wearing?

(No, Andy, it's not the stilettos)

Help a girl out! As part of my preparation for the upcoming trip to hell Jack Bauer-style day camp family vacation, I am going to order a shirt to wear in their presence. I am currently torn between two I found on CafePress:

Option #1:


Option #2:


I'm also open to other suggestions if you've seen a great shirt to keep my family on their toes. Leave a comment and let me know what you think. And no, they do NOT have the address of this blog. That's part of the reason I started this blog. They just have a link to the boring one that says things like "Cate ate dinner at Pizza Hut."

I'm not big on wearing message shirts out and about, by the way, so this will be for pjs or for when hanging out with the entire family (including a baby, did I mention a BABY?!?!?) under one roof while plotting how many times I can excuse myself to go to the bathroom before it looks suspicious when really I'm chugging bourbon out of my suitcase.

P.S. This has nothing to do with anything but my coworker's daughter fell and broke her arm yesterday afternoon. She may need surgery because it has something to do with her elbow. Anyways, the message he left the boss was that he wouldn't be in because they had to take the 3yo to the obstetrician for her broken bones. How... very wrong.

Dun dun dun (pause), another one bites the dust

SomeMonkey and I generally chat through Gmail/GoogleTalk. We often use very timely descriptive accurate bizarre status messages. Bonus points if the status message causes confusion for one of our husbands.

On Friday, my status message read "dun dun dun dun another one bites the dust". It was in reference to my ability to bring another person to the dark side to use crack tired cliches Twitter.

SomeMonkey: you have an extra dun
it's been bothering me
me: no i don't
SomeMonkey: we're gonna have to agree to disagree
has that ever happened?
me: i agree to nothing
i'm sure it has, but not sure about what
SomeMonkey: i'm considering sending you the song
me: i have my ipod
whoever is wrong has to... write a blog post
subject determined by the winner
SomeMonkey: k

Pause pause pause...

me: oops, look at that, gotta run!!!
haha, just kidding
ok, i admit
you are correct
been awhile since i listened to Queen
they are the worst band EVER for not backing me up on this
SomeMonkey: lol
me: i can admit when i'm wrong because it happens so infrequently
so what's my punishment?
SomeMonkey: ok, i've got it
you have to do a post on why pandas suck
and not "they suck because they're so awesome"
me: wow, cruel
SomeMonkey: i go for the gut

Now you know the rest of the story. I don't really believe that pandas are blood-thirsty communists. And I would totally let one eat my face, if only it will let me pet him for a minute first. But Queen... Queen is dead to me now.

Why pandas suck

Know what really sucks? Pandas. You may "ooh" and "aah" over their cuteness but if you think about it, they're really stupid animals.

First, there's the diet. 99% of what they eat is bamboo, which is so nutritionally inefficient that they have to eat 40 pounds of that stuff per day. Oh, also, the dumb bears are really lousy at actually digesting it, resulting in a whole lot of bamboopoo. Not so smart.

Next, let's talk about that adorable black and white fur. Pandas live in the mountains of China, not the pre-house dropping Kansas from Wizard of Oz. Maybe the fur makes them cute, but it's horrible camouflage. In addition, they're fat and slow so you'd think disguises would be a higher priority.

Also, they have violent hidden agendas. They lure you in with their adorableness and then THEY EAT YOUR FACE!!! One bear in China has attacked tourists three times. It's not the humans' fault, of course. They're helpless against the powers of the blood-thirsty bear.

And finally, let's talk about reproduction. Pandas are notoriously bad at sex. They're even worse than that guy from your freshman history class. Yeah, that bad. Captive pandas just have no interest in sex, leaving researchers showing them videos of panda-porn and sneaking Viagra in the males' bamboo.

As if all of that isn't enough, they live in China so you know they must be communist polluters plotting to take over the world and ruin life as we now know it.

So there you go. All the reasons that pandas totally suck. Come back tomorrow when I share all of the reasons that Queen is the worst rock band EVER.

Confession: I lie

I have a confession to make... I lie to small children. Specifically, I lie to Girl Scouts.

I also think they totally deserve it so I don't feel guilty. They're a tribe of mini manipulators, positioning themselves outside the supermarket with their scrumptious evil cookies. Last week, I saw a group that thought they were being brilliant, setting up their table between Staples and Trader Joes. Only, they set themselves up for failure because it was possible to go to the other side of the parking lot and avoid them. So what if it was raining and took me an extra 5 minutes to walk around them.

But what about those circumstances when you can't avoid them? My grocery store has two entrances - and those little devils monsters entrepreneurs divide and conquer, splitting the troop between the dual doors. Cute teensy dimpled faces, pigtails blowing in the wind, singing in unison "Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?"

I pause, think of the cookies, the mint ones, right there in those two single-serve sleeves just begging to be devoured my drive home.

And I do what I've learned in the past is the most acceptable solution yielding optimal results - I lie. "Sorry, I already bought a ton from my niece. Good luck!"

Maybe I'm going to hell for lying to the young'uns, but at least my diet will remain intact!

P.S.: Boy Scouts? With your unpopped popcorn? What are you thinking? No way I'm buying that, there's no "now" factor! Just proves yet again that girls are smarter than boys.

Six Word Saturday

Time for Six Word Saturday!

Sleep makes me feel human again.

I dare say I'm over the plague, woohoo!

As always, please share your own six words. You can post in the comments or at your blog - just make sure you let Mr. Linky know so we can check it out!

100th Post

This is officially my 100th post. I started on October 4th, meaning it took me just about 4 months to hit 100 because I wasn't blogging every day at the start.

Also, at the start, nobody was reading. Looks like it was around the first of December when I discovered SITS and traffic started to trickle in. Most of my traffic has come from SITS (and if you don't participate, you need to get yourself over there pronto!), especially after being a "Saucy Blog", but I've also received a lot of visitors from the sites of people who comment here. I love seeing those visitors even more because it's so cool to see my blog mentioned on sites that I read and adore.

Blogger, Twitter and Google have also sent a lot of traffic my way. Here are some Google search terms that caught my eye:

• cat scurvy - aren't we all glad Tonya and Rusty survived?
• history of confession - don't cite me on your term papers, kids
• make a note not to miss it - why thank you, I'm glad you hold me in such high regard!
• when mama meets jesus - that damn song won't go away!
• angry neighbor - more people than I thought have this problem
• festivus ribbons - I'm an equal-opportunity celebrator
• funny cat barf - there's nothing funny about it if you have to clean it up
• how can i put my face in the inauguration event - good question, too bad I have no answers
• how contagious is scurvy? - very, you've probably got it now that you've been to my blog
• i am ugly have accent - there's someone out there for everyone, keep looking
• it's good to have goals - it's better to meet goals
• just once a day i show my face - even once a day is a good amount
• me topless - me not
• show me a fatass - there's no shortage out there, try the mall

I'm sure some of those folks were disappointed by what they found. And I'm kinda scared to think about how some of them ended up here. Very frightening.

But regardless of how visitors came, Google says there have been a total of 958 unique visitors. Since I only know one of these people offline (Joe, who mostly reads to see if I'm talking about him) and a teensy number I knew online pre-blog, plus me, that means about 950 awesome new friends! And yet only 53 of these awesome new friends are following me so that means almost 900 of you need to push the little follow button! I kid - I was really excited to reach 50 followers by post #100, just ask SomeMonkey if she ever comes around.

According to Technorati, all of this adds up to my blog having a rank of (drumroll please!!!)............................ 481,816.

Really, that's it? How disappointing. My goal is to be above the 450,000 mark by post #150. I can't imagine there are really that many blogs out there better than this one. Plus, I'm not afraid of people. I can punch 30k people in the face in one afternoon if necessary. ;)

Coming up, I'm going to continue Six Word Saturday (tomorrow!) because you all seem to like that a lot. And it gives me an easy out for posting once a week. I'll also be sharing more about my family and introducing a monthly feature called First Fursday - Tonya and Rusty are looking for blogging buddies.

So thanks to everyone out there for helping me reach my 100th post. Here's to 100 more!

P.S. Reading this back, I sound violent and completely full of myself. I have to imagine most of you realize it's mostly a front. I'm really too lazy for that just completely insane a total sweetheart.

Bits and pieces

First, I want to take a minute to thank the people who expressed concern for my health/well-being in yesterday's comments. Sometime soon I'll delve into why I think I can handle a family vacation this time around, as well as my escape plans. In the meantime, just know that I do have better coping mechanisms in place now and the situation will be much better than the trip that caused me so much stress last May.

Today is just a day of tidbits.

• Work is killing me. The company that hosts our website is doing updates to our database server during business hours. Absolutely brilliant inspired ridiculous. This means our website is mostly down so my phone is ringing off the hook and my Inbox is filling up with error messages. I thought the issue was resolved 2 hours ago but it's back, sorta like that chili I had for dinner last night.

• It is so cold outside that the air decided to eat my face when I walked into the office. My cheeks (not THOSE cheeks!) were aching because they were so frozen.

• I'm finally recovering from my plague. I think magic cough syrup is more the champion than the antibiotics. It's nice to be able to sleep again!

• Why can't Simon Baker ever be in any good movies? I've rented three now and they were all horrible. So hot but such awful films. I guess I should stick to The Mentalist.
  

• My boss is more full of drama than usual today. And I'm not so much in the mood to put up with the manufactured dilemmas.
  

• I'm more excited about new episodes of Last Restaurant Standing, Hell's Kitchen and Solitary than I am Lost and 24 at the moment (though I'm still watching Lost and 24 faithfully and enjoying them).
  

• My hair is very poofy.

• I'm tired of people mocking the Slanket. I'm even more tired of people talking about the inferior Snuggie. It's cheaper for a reason, people!
  

• I have many items to complete today and I've already wasted over two hours due to my superb procrastination skills.

• Two people gave me awards that I never collected. One had something to do with a butterfly. And it's been so long now that I can't find them. But thank you just the same!

Tomorrow is my 100th post. Quite the milestone. I'm going to celebrate by calling in sick, drinking margaritas for lunch, and punching my neighbor in the face. Who's with me?

Reason #5736 I'm crazy: Family Vacation

I haven't talked a whole lot about my family, even though part of the reason I started this blog was to allow myself that freedom. But now that we're all BFFs, I can share a bit.

If you want to completely understate the situation, you could say I'm not close to my family. My mother is a total narcissist and the reason for a lot of my anxiety issues. My father is a great guy but has no spine. He's all about keeping the peace, therefore enabling my mother. I'm the oldest child and a five-year gap separates me from baby brother (Rob), another two years to baby sister (Tina). Rob is the most laid back guy in the world. And my sister is the golden child. The unplanned "gift from God" with the golden curls who can do no wrong.

Anyways, back to Reason #5736 I'm crazy. My parents have suggested renting a house on the beach for a week and all of us getting together for a family vacation. And I'm actually considering it.

This is the same family that we visited last May, resulting in a total mental breakdown for me. I didn't eat for 5 days and spent the entire trip shaking uncontrollably and crying. All of this when I was only seeing them for a couple of hours at a time, escaping at night to our hotel room. But somehow I think I can handle an entire week living under the same roof with them? And we're going to call it a "vacation"?

Maybe it's me testing myself and my chill pills. Maybe I have a death wish. The drama has already started because golden sister can't afford the trip so it's up to the rest of it to eat her share of the cost. If nothing else, family vacation should equate to a ton of blog fodder.

The one thing I'm certain of is that I could fill this whole blog every day with stories of the family nuttiness. Some of it is funny, some is insanely depressing, some is almost unbelievable. It all goes far in explaining why I am the way I am.

Yeah, this is totally not the post it set out to be. When I started this post, it was going to be funny but I guess it serves more as an introduction, setting up future posts.

Joy to the world!

I am tired of being sick. I am tired of bad news. I am tired of feeling like the world is falling apart around me. So this is me being over it. I'm showing my happy face, dammit, and the world will cooperate. Or else I'll have to make it one of my nice cards. And we don't want that now, do we?

In the spirit of being cheery and light-hearted, I share this, for no particular reason:

SomeMonkey: what does HE know?
me: NOTHING, he's a man
SomeMonkey: zacly
me: when i have a kid/dog/goldfish, i'm gonna name it Zach Lee
zacly!
bwahahaha
SomeMonkey: he's gonna change his name
and be "i'm EX-zach lee!"
me: ooooooooh
you win that one
that was smooth, congrats
SomeMonkey: i'm wikud proud
me: SMRT!
SomeMonkey: omg you spelled that wrong
me: ok!

Doesn't matter anyways. Joe will never let me be in charge of something like naming babies. He wasn't even thrilled with the name I picked for Tonya and named Rusty himself.

So, cheers, everybody! If we can't be happy and healthy, let's at least pretend we are!

Remembering resolutions

Today, I'm going to take a few minutes to reflect on how those resolutions are holding up. Mostly because I'm still sick and unimaginative and what I really want to do is punch that groundhog in the face for predicting more winter.

• Be 17% nicer.
• Be 22% tougher when it comes to standing up for myself.

I've been about 170% nicer (if by nicer you mean "doormat") and -220% tougher. So many urges to punch people (or groundhogs) in the face but I haven't done it yet!

• Continue making progress on anxiety issues.
  

There weren't too many tests this month. I did experience some panic attacks but they were brief and I managed to regain control. We're booking a trip for February or March that should give me plenty of reason to spaz.

• Work towards better health.

Being sick is hell on a workout routine. Also, I canceled my gym membership yesterday. Not sure how that fits in exactly.

• Support Joe as he supports me.

Think I'm doing ok there. I'm certainly trying!

• Consistent writing/blogging.

I actually think I had a really good month for writing and blogging. I'm finding a routine for the most part and feeling good about it.

Word for 2009: FOCUS

• Focus my energies throughout my unstructured day in order to improve efficiency. So much time to accomplish things and somehow I never do.
• Focus on following through on ideas. All the ideas in the world do me no good without putting them to action.
• Focus on the what is important and what is within my control. Then, in the words of the wise Wife O Riley, Recognize, Embrace, and Release the others.

Some days are certainly better than others with this. I'm finding that on an average day, I do well. But I've been sick quite a bit - headaches for a week, then a cold - and on THOSE days it's impossible for me to find focus. I've been staying very organized though, making tons of lists and using the calendar.

Overall, things are going well so far.

This is the most boring post ever. I'm ashamed. Come back tomorrow when I'll post something I write while high on my narcotics-laced prescription cough syrup!

4am ramblings

I have a confession to make... Nope, I don't. You're not getting a confession this Sunday. Instead you get the rambling recap of my Saturday from my sick (as in ill, not dirty) mind which is angry for being awake at such an unreasonable hour. Thanks to Wife of Riley for the idea.

Saturday started with two panic attacks. See, other than being sick (and not sleeping Friday night), I haven't had much to worry about the past few days so I decided to start spazzing over taxes. Panic attack #1 = talking about taxes at breakfast. I knew we would owe but no idea how much. I hate the unknown. Also, Joe mentioned the possibility of a penalty? He decided the best way to settle me down was to start plugging numbers into TurboTax. Panic attack #2 = the horrendous amount we owed after entering our W-2s. Thanks, Joe, not so helpful so far! HALP!!! But then we started putting in our deductions and even playing it safe with our estimates, we were able to reach a point where the payment to the feds is about equal to the refund from the state so we should be ok.

On to shopping. We needed to buy floodlights, a door, and a ceiling fan for our porch. The first Lowes was a complete loss. The door we wanted was a special order for $150. No fans we liked. All the lights had stupid motion sensors on them. I don't want to light up the neighbor's bathroom at 2am because a cow-colored cat is in the backyard. (Yeah, cow-colored. I should explain but I don't feel like it right now.)

On to Home Depot. Still no luck with fans but we did manage to find the floodlights and magic bulbs that cost only $1.26 to operate for the next 500 years. Even better, we found the same door, in stock, for $75. Win! Except, ever try to fit a 36x80 inch door in a Prius? Fail! It was actually a lot closer than we first thought. Literally one inch kept the hatch from closing. Joe used some little cables to sorta keep the hatch shut and left me at Target (no room in the car for the woman!) while he took the door home. So panic attack #3 = the loading of the door into the car and subsequent wait at Target for him to confirm he had gotten home safely. How's a girl supposed to shop and waste money when she's picturing her porch door falling out on the highway and her husband driving the car off the road in a fireball?

On to Lowes #2. They had exactly ONE ceiling fan (in two colors!!!) that was outdoor rated and Energy Star certified. Are we asking too much? An outdoor fan that's energy efficient and not vomit-inducing amounts of ugly? And where do you buy ceiling fans besides Home Depot and Lowes? All of the local lighting places seem to be closed on Sundays so now we're screwed because we're supposed to have the fan by Monday even though there's no ceiling in place and now we're going to be stuck with an ugly cheap looking fan in our really nice porch or we'll have to get one that's not energy efficient and the devil will own our souls and polar bears will drown and hey is it hot in here and no I am NOT being bitchy to you, if you think this is bitchy then you are sadly mistaken because you ain't seen nothing yet and fine then let's just go home for the night because I HATE EVERYBODY!!! Guess that would qualify as panic attack #4. And my apologies to Joe (and everyone else within earshot which probably means the entire county).

Panic attack #5 was a given - we stopped at Trader Joes. I <3 Trader Joes but it's always very crowded and my claustrophobia is the boss of me there.

It didn't help that I'm still the walking dead with this plague meth withdrawal cold. I took a 12-hour dose of cough medicine that lasted all of 4 hours before I started coughing again. Let's see, I took it at 10:30, went to bed at 11:30, and woke up coughing at 2:30. Three hours of sleep, fabulous. And now I can't take anything again for another 6.5 hours.

So welcome to a day in the life of a girl called Cate. I wonder if I can sleep now... Or not.