Appeasing the masses

Seems you're all interested in the story behind my banishment from my hometown Sears. I'll share but consider yourselves warned - if you're a big fan of Joe, his halo may slip a bit here... (Or, maybe it will make you a bigger fan, in which case don't tell him because his ego is big enough already.)

Back in the olden days (circa 1996), I bought a stereo at Sears with some of my graduation money. It was what my dad still refers to as a "ghetto blaster". Way to be a white man, Dad. I would like to refer to it more as a boombox. For some reason, after a couple of weeks, I decided I did not want a boombox - I wanted a shelf stereo.

Joe drove me to the mall, stereo and receipt in hand, and dropped me off at Sears. They refused to take the unit back. Defeated but too timid to put up much of an argument, I left.

When I returned to Joe, still lugging the offending stereo, he decided he was going to get my money back for me. It's important to note that Joe still refuses to take no for an answer but his methods have matured greatly. Also, he's a little more reasonable about the demands he makes. But that's now and we're talking about the Stone Age of 1996.

Joe carts my stereo back into the store and again asks for a refund. The lady says no. Joe asks for a manager. She IS the manager (aren't they all?). Joe then tells her she WILL refund the money. He didn't threaten her and I can't even remember his exact words. Except that by this time, I was doing my best to make a stealthy retreat into the neighboring shoe department.

She finally offered to give him 80% back but of course this wasn't good enough. She told him that it was the best she could do according to policy.

And this is when it all went so very wrong. Joe raised his voice. "Listen here, you black-haired bitch. It says right over the door there 'satisfaction guaranteed or your effing money back'."

That's when she called security. We were escorted from the store by two fat guys wearing shirts three sizes too small and told to never return. And even though that was thirteen years ago and I'm sure none of those people are still there, I've always been afraid to go back.

Honestly, it's not even that big of a loss. I was never a Sears fan and then since they got all wrapped up with evil duty-shirking KMart I've gone out of my way to avoid them. But KMart is a rant for another day.

P.S. - Just remember, Joe would NEVER do something like that now. First, he wouldn't return (slightly) used merchandise unless it was defective. Second, he'd never speak that inconsiderately to anyone. Third, he doesn't shop at Sears either.

P.P.S. - Except for all of our kitchen appliances are from there but that's because we wanted to keep them all the same brand but we just order those online. And we don't call the delivery guys "black-haired bitches" ever.

P.P.P.S. - Mostly because they have those crazy muscles. And they aren't really Sears employees anyways. And they aren't bitches cuz they're dudes.