Show My Face: tell me it will all be ok

Showing posts with label tell me it will all be ok. Show all posts

Saturday, November 05, 2016

Six Word Saturday #404

finishing tasks ahead of pending apocalypse

Want to play along? All that's necessary to participate is to describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here. Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. I love seeing what everyone does with their entries.

Each week (probably on Sunday or Monday), I use random.org to select a bunch of entries to visit. Or I visit everyone. Or even numbered entries. Or odd numbered entries. Or multiples of three. Depends on what's going on that week. In addition, please visit the person ahead of you on the list (or visit everyone if you like!). That way everyone receives at least one visit!

If you play along in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back. Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in this post as a comment.

Please be sure to link either to your main page or (preferably) directly to the 6WS post. Links to blogs that do not contain a 6WS entry will be removed (sorry, just the button in the sidebar doesn't count as participating).

Saturday, April 16, 2016

Six Word Saturday

The roller coaster's name: atypical depression.

If you play along in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back (shiny code below if you like!). Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in this post as a comment.

Please be sure to link either to your main page or (preferably) directly to the 6WS post. Links to blogs that do not contain a 6WS entry will be removed (sorry, just the button in the sidebar doesn't count as participating).

Saturday, December 05, 2015

Six Word Saturday

surviving, one nap at a time

I haven't figured out how to sleep yet in my new home. I don't know if the ambient noise machine is better or worse than the street noise and the cats won't stop rattling the blinds to see what's going on outside.

Saturday, November 14, 2015

Six Word Saturday

it is nearly time to leave

Saturday, October 17, 2015

Six Word Saturday

why hello, anxiety, my old friend...

Saturday, May 23, 2015

Six Word Saturday

caught in trap of own making

Note: I'm aware word verification is appearing before the comments. I have it disabled. It appears that if you leave the field blank, you can still enter a comment. I tried to figure it out when it first started but had no luck. I'll try again when I have some time.

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Six Word Saturday

standing up for myself is exhausting

Question: I'm aware word verification is appearing before the comments. I have it disabled. It appears that if you leave the field blank, you can still leave a comment. I tried to figure it out when it first started but had no luck. I'll try again when I have some time.

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Six Word Saturday

this week, perhaps, some forward motion

Saturday, January 11, 2014

Six Word Saturday

I don't deal well with uncertainty

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

A few thoughts on Boston from the wife of a runner

The details emerging from Boston are still jumbled today. They continue to be a mix of horrifying, confusing, and sometimes incorrect. Like the photo of the little girl who was reportedly killed. Or the misreporting of the JFK library fire being connected. I’m glad sorting those details is up to someone else – and I hope they do an amazing job of reaching the proper conclusions, finding the responsible party, and keeping them from doing further harm.

But some things do stand out for me.

The main detail that caught my attention as I read the reports yesterday was this: “The explosions occurred approximately an hour after the first runners crossed the finish line.”

When you’re married to a runner, here’s what you learn from attending race after race after race – elite runners fly like the wind. They finish far ahead of the crowd. Indeed, the winner of the 2013 Boston Marathon finished in 2 hours and 10 minutes. The first female crossed shortly after (2 hours, 26 minutes). These are the people who run for a living. They do this competitively. Running IS their life.

And then there are the “regular” folks. The ones with day jobs. The ones who run as stress relief to survive those day jobs. They run a few miles several times a week or maybe even every day before or after work or on their lunch breaks. They do longer runs on the weekends. Don’t misunderstand me - they’re dedicated, serious runners to be able to run 26.2 miles. I certainly can’t do it. But these are regular people like you and me. Like my husband. A very common goal among this crowd is to finish a marathon in under 4 hours.

As I looked at photos of the finish line, post-explosion, the race clock displayed 4:09:44. At that time, a very steady stream of runners would've been coming through the crowded space. The timing of the explosions probably could not have been much worse.

The second detail sticking in my mind is a quote I read last night summarizing injuries. Apparently because of the nature and placement of the explosive device used, most damages sustained were low to the ground. There were a lot of amputated and severely injured lower limbs on that list.

My husband hasn't been able to run for the past six weeks due to a simple stress fracture. It’s healing well but he’s facing another four weeks without running. I’m not sure anything is more torturous to a runner than not being able to run. Permanent loss of a limb? I can’t imagine.

And the other details emerging from Boston and elsewhere since yesterday’s senseless incident are of another sort – the kind that actually give some feeling of hope. Stories of people helping, whether it’s medical assistance at the scene, offering local help in the form of a place to stay or a warm meal, strangers arranging donations for flight changes, or simple displays of support in the form of tweets or wearing race shirts today.

Those are the details I’m choosing to focus on.

Because I’m the wife of a runner. I've stood at the finish line. I've felt pride for my husband but I've also felt pride for complete strangers. I've also felt concern for other racers I don’t know as they've struggled over the finish line. I've cheered them on. I've cried for them. I've bonded with people I don’t know as we've waited for our racers and cheered for people none of us know. I've offered my phone and water and whatever other help I can in-person at the finish line and my heart is going out to those at the finish line in Boston yesterday.

The running community is tight. They won’t stand for this and they won’t be beaten by it. Joe’s in DC right now and even though he can’t run, he went for a walk on the Mall. There were a lot of runners out. There was a real atmosphere of respect and camaraderie. There were many around the Reflecting Pool. Reflecting. Praying. Talking. Angry. Sad. Hopeful.

I may only be the wife of a runner, but I’m glad to have a place in the community as a supporter. Sometimes it’s a fun role, sometimes it’s not. This is one of those times when it’s not a particularly happy time. But it’s also a time when I witness that spirit that keeps them going as individuals through each run, one foot in front of the other, and as a group, each person supporting the rest as they keep going to reach the finish line.

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Six Word Saturday

hanging onto sanity by a thread

Friday, March 22, 2013

I should...

tell you my return trip from Canada went much smoother than the trip there, thanks for the good thoughts
practice my word of the year
post more regularly
floss daily
order the part to fix my vacuum cleaner (not a euphemism)
meditate
write my book
develop super-powers that will enable me to fix my husband's job issues
leave more comments
share the story of creepy twin-kitty
go to the gym
manage my time more efficiently
find my ~~balls~~ backbone and Destination Resignation this soul-sucking contract

...take better care of myself.

image from PINTEREST where it says source A Girl Gone Mad

Saturday, February 09, 2013

Joe's Six Word Saturday

Why must people be so difficult?

Yes, as the title says, those are actually Joe's words. He's had a rough week at work. Everybody pat Joe on the head and tell him it will all be ok. For extra fun, he'll be on a 5:30 am flight Monday to go see the difficult client in person. He's so excited!!!

Monday, January 28, 2013

Sweat is gross, especially yours

I was recently ~~ranting about~~ praising the efforts of the "resolutioners" that swarm the gym each January. It's such a ~~short-lived nuisance~~ joy to see them join in droves and hog the equipment for a month or two.

My rant was primarily about my neckYEAST INFECTION (which I realize was more sweat-related and less gym-STD) and the way that the gym staff seems much more interested in collecting contracts and cash than actually orienting the resolutioners to gym etiquette like wiping down the machines after use.

That got me thinking. Sure, I almost always do my part and wipe down the machine after I use it. But do I really trust that the person before me did the same? How many times have I seen people hop off without taking the two minutes or less to wipe down the equipment with the provided sanitary wipes?

Plus, have you seen the movie Contagion? When I first saw it, I didn't want to touch anything or anyone. Ever. I didn't want to go out in public, I wanted rubber gloves and SARS masks and vats of liquid sanitizer to bathe in. Yikes...

I'd like to start a revolution. Rather than wiping down equipment AFTER we use it, because really, most people just don't seem to give a damn about anyone but themselves, we should wipe down equipment BEFORE we use it. And if you don't care about the sweat of the person before you, don't bother! If you do care about the sweat of the person before you, go ahead and wipe it off.

Science-y people - is there a reason that it's preferable to wipe off the sweat when it's fresh as opposed to after it's dried on? Are we really doing any good with those little wipes or are we just fooling ourselves? And, really, isn't there some better solution that could involve the gym personnel coming through regularly and spraying something on the equipment? Or maybe WE could spray something on the equipment?

Anyways, now I wipe down the equipment I use before AND after my workout. It takes a total of maybe 5 minutes extra. It's possible I look like a neurotic germaphobe to those around me, which I'm not (am I?) but whatever. I feel better about the whole deal, so it's totally worth it!

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Six Word Saturday

Finally, a resolution! I'm so excited!

More details next week.

Tuesday, May 01, 2012

I'm Tired

Today, a little stream of consciousness post because I need to clear my head. Or at least try.

Tired. I'm tired of being inside my head. I'm tired of the chaos in there.

Things are generally good right now! I'm happier than I've ever been. And that's the problem! How can "good" be a problem? Because stability has a lot to do with a steady base that can withstand the movement it experiences. And so if your base isn't strong, the best chances of staying level are if there isn't a lot of movement. So the more "good" I experience, the more movement to my weak base. I go UP and then my messed up brain thinks that rather than reset normal to UP, it's better to just swing way far to DOWN to kind of even things out.

Why can't we quit zigging and zagging and just walk a new straight line?

And so it goes that the more I experience happy, the more unsettled I feel. Why can't I just be happy and have that be a good thing?

My poor husband. There's no winning with me. I AM happy, dammit. I'm finding my way. Largely because of the freedom he provides to me. And I'm sure that to his well-functioning logical brain, I make no sense. That must be frustrating to him.

And to everyone. Probably you're tired of hearing about the insides of my head, whether you read it here, or on twitter, or in email, or I babble at you in person. You may think I have it made. "She quit her job. She doesn't work. She screws around all day and goes on a lot of trips and shops and is living the life." I try to hide a lot of of my imbalance. It either comes out in really short bursts or in big storms. I'm storming today. I don't know if I'll publish this or not but I just need to write it out.

I'm taking on new things. It's good. It's scary. It's an adjustment because it's different and there I go again all wobbly in my head. It's a choice (or a bunch of choices) I'm making to deliberately put myself off-balance. I need to keep pushing. I need to get stronger. I need to make progress. I need to KEEP making progress - I don't know when I'll be done or fixed - but the more I struggle, the more it's a sign that I'm making forward movement. I hope when my husband is frustrated with me that he can remember a time not THAT long when I couldn't leave the house without getting sick. When I wouldn't go out to do anything. When I wouldn't drive myself anywhere.

The fact that I keep struggling indicates that I've made progress.

I just wish it didn't make me want to crawl back into bed or self-medicate in unhealthy ways or shut off my mind.

It all makes me really tired.

P.S. I decided to publish this because I know I'm not the only one facing this kind of chaos. If you go through this too, you're not alone. If you know someone who suffers, maybe this will give you a little insight. Be gentle.

P.P.S. Also, I need you to know that I'm alright. Really.

Monday, January 02, 2012

Word of the Year: 2012

Each year, I pick a word that I want to guide me. You can see past picks in my sidebar to the right. Last year's choice, better wasn't a huge success. This year, I'm choosing mindful.

Main Entry: mind·ful
Pronunciation: \ˈmīn(d)-fəl\
Function: adjective

1: attentive, aware, or careful (usually followed by of)
2: tending toward awareness and appreciation
3: having specified facts or feelings actively impressed on the mind

Synonyms: alive, conscious, cognizant, sensible, thoughtful, vigilant
Antonyms: absent-minded, careless, unaware, insensitive, oblivious

I've cobbled together the above from several online dictionaries and thesauruses. (Thesauri?)

Here's what mindful means to me for the new year:

aware of long-term goals when making short-term choices
appreciative of opportunities in the here and now
thoughtful about the effect my words and actions have on me, others, the world
able to find gratitude in current situations even if they aren't my ideal

How does that apply on a practical level? I'll think (long-term) before I act (short-term). It comes down to being conscious of my goals at all times, making them a priority over instant gratification. It also means making the most of this moment as I seek those results. I'll skip the right-now-yumminess of that cookie because I'm focused on my overall health and weight goals. I'll take ownership of my actions and attitude in my current place instead of using circumstances outside of my control as an excuse to be lazy. I'll appreciate the efforts of those around me and be aware of the attitude and effort I'm giving back to them.

A lot of this is about approach. Instead of seeing myself as unemployed while I wait for Joe's job situation to work itself out, I now consider myself a full-time freelancer. I will dedicate time each day to actively seeking new opportunities. (Know anyone that needs some writing, editing, or marketing done? Hook me up!) Instead of focusing on the overwhelming amount of weight I need to lose, I'll concentrate on the benefits of being active, drinking water, and taking vitamins every day - all of these things have immediate advantages in addition to moving me towards a lower number on the scale. I will take the small steps necessary now to make progress towards those larger goals.

I've experienced a lot of discontent and depressions and anxiety this year. My attempt to change this is in being mindful. If I'm making more deliberate decisions and being more aware of my destination, maybe that will bring me some peace of mind.

So, in 2012, I intend to move forward even though we're still in a place of flux with Joe's job. I wasted the majority of 2011 because I was waiting and putting too much responsibility on him. He has enough worries without me running amok. It's time for me to make my own way. It's time to remember where I'm going so I can actually get there. I hope that twelve months from now, I can look back and say that I was indeed mindful in my thoughts and actions.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Perspective

Today, I am grateful for Gabby Giffords. Did anyone catch the Diane Sawyer interview last night with Congresswoman Giffords and her astronaut husband, Mark Kelly? What I loved most about the show was that it wasn't so much about the congresswoman and astronaut part. They are two amazing people with strong spirits and deep love for each other.

It occurred to me that so much of getting through the tough times in life involves who you have by your side. Mark knew that Gabby loved having goals and deadlines so he put her sneakers in a chair next to her bed and told her that she had two weeks to get them on. He bargained with God that if Gabby would just talk, he didn't care if she never walked another step.

Gabby's progress has been astounding. She DOES walk, though slowly. She DOES talk, though her vocabulary is still very limited. But the important thing is that she's working hard and still making progress.

There were a few examples during the hour of times when you could tell Gabby was cognitively aware and just unable to find the proper words to express herself. On a much smaller scale, I've experienced that with my migraines. I know what I mean and I just can't retrieve the words I need to convey it to anyone around me. I agree with Mark's sentiment - I'd rather than be immobile than unable to communicate.

Watching Gabby and Mark last night made me think a lot about perspective. I lose my words sometimes. Gabby has been working to recover hers for months and still has a long path ahead. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed at the things going on in my life - but I can walk to the mailbox without giving it any thought at all. Seeing Gabby's determination and Mark's support gave me an overwhelming feeling of if they can do that, I can certainly do this.

Starting today, I'm going to try doing a lot more of this with a much better attitude. Thank you, Gabby and Mark for the important lesson. I hope she will continue to defy the odds and find those words she's so desperately seeking.

Wednesday, July 06, 2011

Poor Planning

Some background on the voices in my head: (Feel free to skip ahead if you already know me well.)

One of my most effective tools for decreasing my anxiety involves lists. Copious amounts of lists. I use Google tasks and the lists sync to my new phone beautifully, which allows me to take my list-neurosis to a whole new level. I'm currently keeping 17 lists (one for each day of the week, a weekly list of cleaning tasks, a monthly cleaning list, my rx meds, a shopping list, house projects, blog ideas...).

So yes, I'm a bit of a planner. I don't need a minute by minute agenda but I worry much less when I can look at the next week and figure out what day I need to take care of certain things. This works great in reducing my anxiety, though it does mean it throws me for a bit of a loop when something unexpected comes up. But, who am I kidding - surprises ALWAYS bring on a certain amount of anxiety for me. At least this way I'm organized.

The issue:

All of which is the background necessary to understand why my brother-in-law causes me so much stress. He is NOT a planner. Our trip "home" in May involved much pulling of teeth in order to get him to commit to a weekend he would be available so we could book the trip. And then nailing down a time to get together?!?! It would be easier to negotiate world peace.

But that was then, and this is now. I noticed on his Facebook status last Saturday that BIL and his family had driven 15 hours from their home, passing within 30 miles of us, to spend 4th of July with his wife's family in a somewhat beachier city south of my undisclosed location. At first, I was a bit miffed on behalf of my husband that they weren't stopping to see us. And then I realized - it would be SO like my BIL to decide he was stopping in on the way back with very little advance notice.

Ding ding ding!!! Sure enough, on Monday night BIL sent Joe a text that he wanted to stop in to see us later this week before arriving back in NY on Saturday. When would we be available? Let's see - no advance notice, the week of a holiday. Joe's team of six at work is down to three because half the team is on vacation. So not only can he not take unannounced time off but he's working even more than usual (if that's possible) to cover for everyone else being out.

There was much back and forth. The only time Joe could really be available was either for dinners or on Friday afternoon (his company typically closes shop during the summer at noon, which just means they turn off the air conditioning so you have to go home to work). Friday was too late in the week for them so BIL committed to Wednesday night. Or Thursday night. One of those. Probably Thursday. Unless they decide to leave earlier.

And that's where we're at now. They may be here tonight. Or tomorrow night. They may or may not stay over. It's possible he may or may not have brought his two poorly-behaved black labs with him. No, he won't likely give us the courtesy of letting us know before he gets on the road. I wouldn't be surprised at all to hear from him at 5:30 tonight asking what exit to take because he's just hit our city limits and can't remember.

Yay, family. Yay free spirits. Yay aimless wanderers.

Screw that. Yay for lists! Yay for common courtesy! Yay for advance notice!

I'll be the frantic girl trying to get the house completely ready in case they do show up tonight. On the plus side, my house will be clean and I should be able to spend the next couple of days doing less work and more enjoyable things.

Like optimizing my lists.

P.S. I've been working hard at this whole "positive attitude" thing lately. And it's going well. But I think I still need to be able to cut loose in my blog. Otherwise, my head may explode. It's a proven scientific fact.

P.S. I almost failed the last science class I took. True story.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Discipline & Happiness

Way back in the day, I was following C. Beth's lead and blogging with discipline. The idea was that by blogging every day, it keeps your ~~brain~~ writing skills from growing rusty. The consistent practice was often very rewarding.

Then, life grew super busy. I decided to let myself off the hook and instead embrace "blogging without obligation". A tremendous amount of pressure lifted as I gave myself Sunday off. And then I scaled back to a few days a week. Lately? I'm struggling to puke up even one post a week.

In part, it's because I'm going through a bit of depression. Part of this is seasonal. Part of it is related to a sad anniversary (not a wedding anniversary). This year, it's compounded by physical pain (though my back is improving), lack of direction, and stress related to my husband's job search.

Recently, I've come to believe that a lot of my ability to be happy comes from my decision to BE happy. That's been a struggle lately. Also, I believe that our attitude can very much influence the attitudes of those around us. Ever notice how you may wake up in a bad mood but you find yourself surrounded by happy people in the office and suddenly you don't feel so glum anymore? The opposite also seems to hold true. I don't want to be the person that brings others down.

All of which is a long rambling way of saying two things:

I am going to double my efforts to choose positivity
I am going to blog with discipline for a bit to get past this creative slump

I expect I'll post some entries that aren't very good but blogging has brought me great pleasure in the past and I'm hoping that by committing myself to it, blogging can help bring me some happiness in the (very near) future.

Cheers, mates. Let's bring back the awesome!

Saturday, November 05, 2016

Saturday, April 16, 2016

Saturday, December 05, 2015

Saturday, November 14, 2015

Saturday, October 17, 2015

Saturday, May 23, 2015

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Saturday, January 11, 2014

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Friday, March 22, 2013

Saturday, February 09, 2013

Monday, January 28, 2013

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Tuesday, May 01, 2012

Monday, January 02, 2012

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Wednesday, July 06, 2011

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

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