Show My Face: who am i

Showing posts with label who am i. Show all posts

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Six Word Saturday

standing up for myself is exhausting

Question: I'm aware word verification is appearing before the comments. I have it disabled. It appears that if you leave the field blank, you can still leave a comment. I tried to figure it out when it first started but had no luck. I'll try again when I have some time.

Want to play along? All that's necessary to participate is to describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here. Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. I love seeing what everyone does with their entries.

Each week (probably on Sunday or Monday), I use random.org to select a bunch of entries to visit. Or I visit everyone. Or even numbered entries. Or odd numbered entries. Or multiples of three. Depends on what's going on that week. In addition, please visit the person ahead of you on the list (or visit everyone if you like!). That way everyone receives at least one visit!

If you play along in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back (shiny code below if you like!). Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in this post as a comment.

Please be sure to link either to your main page or (preferably) directly to the 6WS post. Links to blogs that do not contain a 6WS entry will be removed (sorry, just the button in the sidebar doesn't count as participating).

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Six Word Saturday

going out in public today - overrated

Tuesday, January 07, 2014

Word of the Year 2014

It's become a tradition for me to choose a guiding word each year. It's less of a resolution and more of a quality or goal or something I want to bring into my life.

Some years the word has worked out better than others. Last year I chose "balance" and in a minute you'll see that this year's word isn't unrelated. I didn't really achieve balance last year, although I made steps in that direction. I would say the idea did guide some of my decisions as I ended a work contract that was causing a lot of stress. I filled that void with more work, but it was work I enjoyed. I suppose ideally I would've filled that void with some of the personal projects I never took time for but I'll have to work on that this year.

In 2014, my word will be refine.

Main Entry: re·fine
Pronunciation: \ri-ˈfīn\
Function: verb

1: to remove the unwanted substances in (something)
2: to improve something ( an idea, method, system, etc.) by making small changes

related words: purge, simplify

Let me explain.

My goal is to refine my life by refining my priorities, my schedule, my things.

Priorities need to be narrowed down first, and I've already made some solid progress on that front: my writing/creative outlets, my health, my relationships, my freelancing. I've refined my priorities, deciding which things are most important and need to come first.

Next, I can work on fitting those priorities into my schedule, which is where I failed miserably last year. I knew what was important in 2013 but I never quite managed to reflect that in my daily activities. I need to refine my working habits and use of time. It wasn't that I didn't have enough time last year or that I needed to do fewer things. It was that I didn't use my time wisely.

As for my things, this one is about refining through organizing, simplifying, and purging. There may be more about this in future posts (!!!) but I'm in a place right now where I'm very motivated to get rid of all of our extra stuff. I want to keep the things we value, the things we need. The extra things are just clutter, both in our home and in our mind. Eventually, in a moving truck and in a possibly smaller living space. So it's a huge priority to make regular progress in refining my things.

So 2014 is about refinement for me as I attempt to focus on the things that matter most and not get caught up in the things that aren't as important or I can't do anything about.

And before you think that sounds like all work and no play? It's precisely so I can play. I'm looking forward to writing and I have another creative project I've been trying to fit in since last Fall. I'm also hoping to get in a nice trip this year, maybe to Europe. Time nomming my nieces and nephew is a priority as well and that's always a blast for Aunt Cate as long as she doesn't break the baby (I've only broken one out of three - I think those are good odds).

What's ahead for you in 2014? It could turn into quite the year here. Wishing you happiness and health, whatever else 2014 has in store for you!

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Six Word Saturday

feeling very much at a crossroads

Saturday, July 07, 2012

Six Word Saturday

productive week behind, productive week ahead

Monday, January 02, 2012

Word of the Year: 2012

Each year, I pick a word that I want to guide me. You can see past picks in my sidebar to the right. Last year's choice, better wasn't a huge success. This year, I'm choosing mindful.

Main Entry: mind·ful
Pronunciation: \ˈmīn(d)-fəl\
Function: adjective

1: attentive, aware, or careful (usually followed by of)
2: tending toward awareness and appreciation
3: having specified facts or feelings actively impressed on the mind

Synonyms: alive, conscious, cognizant, sensible, thoughtful, vigilant
Antonyms: absent-minded, careless, unaware, insensitive, oblivious

I've cobbled together the above from several online dictionaries and thesauruses. (Thesauri?)

Here's what mindful means to me for the new year:

aware of long-term goals when making short-term choices
appreciative of opportunities in the here and now
thoughtful about the effect my words and actions have on me, others, the world
able to find gratitude in current situations even if they aren't my ideal

How does that apply on a practical level? I'll think (long-term) before I act (short-term). It comes down to being conscious of my goals at all times, making them a priority over instant gratification. It also means making the most of this moment as I seek those results. I'll skip the right-now-yumminess of that cookie because I'm focused on my overall health and weight goals. I'll take ownership of my actions and attitude in my current place instead of using circumstances outside of my control as an excuse to be lazy. I'll appreciate the efforts of those around me and be aware of the attitude and effort I'm giving back to them.

A lot of this is about approach. Instead of seeing myself as unemployed while I wait for Joe's job situation to work itself out, I now consider myself a full-time freelancer. I will dedicate time each day to actively seeking new opportunities. (Know anyone that needs some writing, editing, or marketing done? Hook me up!) Instead of focusing on the overwhelming amount of weight I need to lose, I'll concentrate on the benefits of being active, drinking water, and taking vitamins every day - all of these things have immediate advantages in addition to moving me towards a lower number on the scale. I will take the small steps necessary now to make progress towards those larger goals.

I've experienced a lot of discontent and depressions and anxiety this year. My attempt to change this is in being mindful. If I'm making more deliberate decisions and being more aware of my destination, maybe that will bring me some peace of mind.

So, in 2012, I intend to move forward even though we're still in a place of flux with Joe's job. I wasted the majority of 2011 because I was waiting and putting too much responsibility on him. He has enough worries without me running amok. It's time for me to make my own way. It's time to remember where I'm going so I can actually get there. I hope that twelve months from now, I can look back and say that I was indeed mindful in my thoughts and actions.

Saturday, July 02, 2011

Six Word Saturday

I'm back - prepare for world domination

Friday, July 01, 2011

Where's Cate?

I'm here, I'm here! But I've been there. And over there. And just a bit of everywhere.

I mean all of this in terms of my mental state as opposed to physical state (though I did spend last weekend in Baltimore, which is in Maryland state). The good news is that opposed to the funk that took hold a month or so ago, I'm here and there and everywhere in a more positive manner.

It would be a lie to say I'm 100% happy happy joy joy. I'm not quite sure that's something I'll ever attain, but it's good to have goals. I'm still feeling a bit disjointed and directionless. Joe's work situation is still what it is, which means I continue in this weird limbo. My contract with ex-work ended last week so now I'm not bringing in regular cash and feeling a bit of pressure about that.

But even with all of that, I'm starting to feel a bit inspired again. I've been feeding off the creative energy of people around me. My Twitter friends are constantly posting their photography, paintings, and other projects. Our #jhbc has resulted in a great clan for discussing not only reading but also writing. I'm completely immersed in Pinterest and collecting so many amazing beautiful ideas there. The trip to Baltimore last weekend involved a family "reunion" with family I've never met on Joe's side (it's a bit complicated) and they are a gifted, eclectic, talented and diverse group of artists, musicians and people doing their own thing, often a bit off the beaten path.

They say like attracts like and that we should surround ourselves with people and things that we aspire to be/do. I feel like I've had some serious exposure to great energy lately. I've been crafting, painting, taking online drawing lessons, signing up for a sewing machine class and also signing up for two online writing courses to prepare me for a book idea (!!!) that's been starting to solidify in my mind.

Unfortunately, I'm still struggling to find my way back to blogging. I realize this isn't by any means a great post but I really felt inclined to post something today. And this is what's on my mind, so there ya go. A bit of an update to ease back in, hopefully. Nicely timed because today begins a new month.

Hoping some of you are still out there - I've been missing you guys!

Saturday, June 04, 2011

Six Word Saturday

it's getting better all the time

Wednesday, June 01, 2011

Getting There

Saturday, I was feeling better. More optimistic. More energized. I had turned a corner and was ready to take on the world again. I wrote a post stating such and scheduled it to post Monday morning.

Then Sunday night happened. I haven't written much (at all?) about our recent trip home. It was a good trip, overall, but the primary reason for it was to try to help my father-in-law. You see, he's old. He's not doing so well. In addition to physical issues (most concerning are heart problems and circulation/infection issues with his feet), he is bi-polar. This manifests in extreme ups and downs, plus a strong side of OCD.

Anyways, we came home from the trip feeling positive about some progress we had made in finding him a few solutions that would help him stay well enough to remain mostly independent. Sunday night, he called Joe and told him that he's undone everything we did for him. He told off the volunteers arranged by the County. He accused us of screwing up his medications. And so much more...

That set me back. Something I had felt really good about and suddenly I was slapped in the face. Yet another reminder, much like the event that set me off the week before, that despite my greatest efforts I had really accomplished nothing. The impact of my actions was fleeting at best, completely in vain at worst.

I realize this isn't true. I know I can only control myself and that I need to do what I can live with. I know the FIL situation is about supporting my husband and not about me. And I know I'm not a failure. The fact that I can see this and start to recover from it much more quickly than the events of last week means I'm making progress.

All of this is my long way of saying what I originally planned to say in Monday's post: Thank you. To everyone who has left a comment, sent an email, tweeted encouragement. For every shoulder, ear, and hug. Thank you all.

I'm getting there. I'm just not there yet.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Breaking

I didn't sleep last night. The wheels wouldn't stop spinning and I did far too much thinking.

I've decided I'm taking a break because I'm feeling really out of sorts and I can sense that I'm struggling to keep my head up. I'm not sure for how long but I'm feeling like it might be a week or so away from the blog (Six Word Saturday will still happen) and a big cut back on Twitter. Unless I decide it would be more therapeutic to blog about it all, in which case probably all of you will want to take a break from me.

In a somewhat related story, May is Mental Health Month. Check out their site for information on how to help yourself and how to support the 1 in 4 adults who suffer from a diagnosable and treatable mental health condition.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Formality

We stayed with one of Joe's cousins while in Houston. His cousin's name is also Joe, because despite approximately 19 male cousins (this is not an exaggeration - think large Irish Catholic family), there are only about five acceptable names. This leads to a lot of overlap and so they must find ways to distinguish between people, especially for the kids.

Apparently in this case, Joe's cousin decided to introduce my Joe (see, it's confusing already!) by both his first and last name. The six-year-old boy caught onto that immediately. "Hi, JoeJohnston, my name's JimMurphy." And for the rest of the weekend, and forevermore, I have decided I will always call my husband JoeJohnston. It's all one word, sort of like when Phil on "Amazing Race" talks about "aracearoundtheworld." Are you leaving today, JoeJohnston? Can I sit by you, JoeJohnston? Goodbye, JoeJohnston! Listen to me count to one hundred, JoeJohnston, without even getting tired! I think JoeJohnston is at the door!

Little JimMurphy is a bit on the wild side. He's the child we will remember for singing "Crazy Train" at the top of his lungs during breakfast. He's also the child that literally set fire to their house by playing with matches. (This was before we visited - nobody was injured but there was a lot of damage.) I mean, you always hear about kids starting fires by playing with matches but have you ever actually known of a case where that happened? Because after meeting JimMurphy, suddenly it seems VERY plausible. And it was also fitting that JimMurphy became so possessive of JoeJohnston, since JoeJohnston himself has done community service at the fire station for an incident involving bottle rockets and a dry field.

But JimMurphy is a good kid. He comes with a twin sister who claimed me as HER Cate. Twins, I can't escape them. It's always reassuring to me when youngsters seem to like me. I'm just not sure if it's reassuring that I might some day be good with a kid of my own or if it's just reassuring me that I'm right in thinking most children have very bad judgment. Either way, the whole herd of kids was a blast to be around the entire weekend and a lot of our best memories from Houston will be associated with the 12 and under crowd.

And, by the way, I am CateJoeJohnston. Pleased to meet you.

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

My Big Goal: A Promise

This month, I'm participating in Chalene Johnson's 30 Day Challenge. Thanks to Sally for making me aware of it. We were actually going to participate together in March but I was too late signing up.

Starting off, I wasn't sure if I was going to like it. Chalene reminds me a bit of the pretty and perfect people that make me stabby. I realize this is due to my own insecurity and a tendency to make someone else the weirdo in order to make myself feel better.

Anyways, the past few days have been about recognizing our values and defining our goals. We made a list of ten life goals, which seemed kind of huge at first, especially only a few days into the program. Still, it was interesting to look at my list. The first five or six came easily. The last few, I struggled to define. We're actually supposed to write a new list of goals each week, without looking back, to see what consistencies emerge.

Once that list is together, we are supposed to define a "push" goal. That's the one goal on the list that makes all the others possible. It was interesting, because rather than be overwhelmed by focusing on all ten (well, I was really only going to focus on the first five or six), it allows you to focus on just the one goal that will help the others fall into place.

She suggested that we make a promise not just to ourselves but to others that we would make that goal. She then recommended posting it very publicly, using Twitter, Facebook, blogs, whatever was at our disposal. And while I realize this isn't the most fascinating post in the world, I haven't been coming up with much of ANY posts lately so I might as well.

My promise to myself and everyone around me is to improve my health. Primarily, this is about my weight. For me, anxiety meant medication meant weight gain meant depression. Suddenly I find myself feeling miserable about my body and it's destroying all of my self-confidence, which is really keeping me from all of those other goals.

It was suggested by a friend that I could focus on building self-confidence and accepting myself as I am now. I'm working on that too, but I also feel like regardless of my body image issues, my health is at stake. Maybe I can kill two birds with one stone, focusing on the problem rather than placating the symptoms, which is what it feels like to me if I convince myself that it's okay to be so overweight.

So there's my promise. How am I going to get there? Since I'm not working an 8-5, I'm trying to turn myself into a bit of a gym rat. My goal is four hours of elliptical per week (which equates to four GOOD days on the elliptical). On days I don't make it to the gym, I try to spend about an hour on my recumbent bike. One day off per week. I'm also drinking a lot more water, taking my vitamins each day, and being more mindful of my calorie intake.

Not rocket science. Just doing the things we all know we should do anyways. And committing to making a difference. Encouragement welcome! Anyone out there looking for an accountability partner, let me know!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Who Am I?

Yesterday, I had an appointment for the lower back pain I've been experiencing. The good news is that the nurse called me "fixable". The bad news? Meds and physical therapy. I'm sure the insurance company will want to cover all of that...

That's not the whole identity crisis part of the story though. That came as a result of giving my details to the patient registration lady. She asked where I'm employed and I had to say "I'm not currently working". Which I sorta choked on because, I don't know, I was embarrassed?

And THAT's not the identity crisis part of the story either. Nope, that part came after she printed out my paperwork and asked me to fill out one last form while I waited. And on that form, for occupation, it said "housewife".

Housewife? HOUSEWIFE!?!? I mean, there's absolutely nothing wrong with being a housewife. Except, that's not who I am. Am I? At least, it's not how I see myself. I wanted to yell - no! I was a webmaster for over 9 years! I just finished a grad program for marketing! I'm only on a break because the Drama Llama wasn't going to let me finish classes!!!

The extent to which so many of us define ourselves based on our careers is amazing. Amazing - and really sad. But that's really another post for another day. Today, I need to vacuum and do laundry and put a pork roast in the crockpot. But, you know, I'm not a housewife!

P.S. I mainly dealt with the doctor's nurse, who is made of awesome. The doctor didn't seem all that interested when he spoke to me for less than two minutes (no exaggeration there). She believes my issues are "mechanical". So I just need a tune-up of physical therapy, anti-inflammatories, and muscle relaxers for a month, then we re-evaluate.

P.P.S. This is my first time on muscle relaxers. Twelve hours after taking the first pill, I'm still half-zonked.

Show My Face

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Six Word Saturday

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Six Word Saturday

Tuesday, January 07, 2014

Word of the Year 2014

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Six Word Saturday

Saturday, July 07, 2012

Six Word Saturday

Monday, January 02, 2012

Word of the Year: 2012

Saturday, July 02, 2011

Six Word Saturday

Friday, July 01, 2011

Where's Cate?

Saturday, June 04, 2011

Six Word Saturday

Wednesday, June 01, 2011

Getting There

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Breaking

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Formality

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

My Big Goal: A Promise

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Who Am I?

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