Sweat is gross, especially yours

I was recently ranting about praising the efforts of the "resolutioners" that swarm the gym each January. It's such a short-lived nuisance joy to see them join in droves and hog the equipment for a month or two.

My rant was primarily about my neckYEAST INFECTION (which I realize was more sweat-related and less gym-STD) and the way that the gym staff seems much more interested in collecting contracts and cash than actually orienting the resolutioners to gym etiquette like wiping down the machines after use.

That got me thinking. Sure, I almost always do my part and wipe down the machine after I use it. But do I really trust that the person before me did the same? How many times have I seen people hop off without taking the two minutes or less to wipe down the equipment with the provided sanitary wipes?

Plus, have you seen the movie Contagion? When I first saw it, I didn't want to touch anything or anyone. Ever. I didn't want to go out in public, I wanted rubber gloves and SARS masks and vats of liquid sanitizer to bathe in. Yikes...

I'd like to start a revolution. Rather than wiping down equipment AFTER we use it, because really, most people just don't seem to give a damn about anyone but themselves, we should wipe down equipment BEFORE we use it. And if you don't care about the sweat of the person before you, don't bother! If you do care about the sweat of the person before you, go ahead and wipe it off.

Science-y people - is there a reason that it's preferable to wipe off the sweat when it's fresh as opposed to after it's dried on? Are we really doing any good with those little wipes or are we just fooling ourselves? And, really, isn't there some better solution that could involve the gym personnel coming through regularly and spraying something on the equipment? Or maybe WE could spray something on the equipment?

Anyways, now I wipe down the equipment I use before AND after my workout. It takes a total of maybe 5 minutes extra. It's possible I look like a neurotic germaphobe to those around me, which I'm not (am I?) but whatever. I feel better about the whole deal, so it's totally worth it!

Doctor's rounds, Part 1

Recently, I went to see my gynecologist.

That sound you heard was my two male readers running away... Seriously, I'm not going to share TMI. Though I did live-tweet my visit. Complete with a photo of "completely undressed" me in the exam room. See what you miss if you don't follow me on Twitter?

Anyways, my new primary care doctor, as I mentioned before, is trying to straighten out my migraines, which involves a new medicine that decreases the effectiveness of my birth control pills so I was discussing alternate baby-preventative methods with the gynecologist. After my appointment, I had the following conversation via text with Joe, aka my husband (that tidbit of information for the benefit of anyone who might be new here and think I might have this conversation with Joe, the guy who mows my lawn or Joe, the guy who does our taxes):

me: talked to the doc about the BCP situation
Joe: what did she say?
me: she agrees they won't work as well
Joe: and?
me: she recommends I get a DUI
Joe: wtf?
me: yeah, not sure how i feel about that
Joe: she really recommended that?
me: i know. i hate the idea. my sister had one, she was miserable
long pause
Joe: i'm sure
me: she gave me a pamphlet, they recommend them after you already have a kid usually
Joe: haha, i bet they do
me: there can be a lot of complications and discomfort
Joe: uh huh
me: ???
Joe: look at what you sent me
me: huh?
Joe: look back
me: dammit!!!!
Joe: that must be some dr you're seeing!

Spellcheck can seriously bite me. My doctor did NOT recommend that I be arrested for drunk driving. She recommended an IUD as an alternate method of birth control. Which I'm not sure about. Also not sure that the migraine meds are working at this point so I'm not rushing into a 5-yr implanted birth control solution when a temporary one will do just fine until we're more sure these meds are a long-term thing.

Also, to be clear, my sister had an IUD, not a DUI. She doesn't even drink. Not that any of you know my sister or that my sister reads this blog. But, you know, I still feel the need to clarify.

P.S. Want to know how to transition into twice a week posting? Write one really long post, realize it's really long, and then just make it a two-parter. You can consider that piece of amazing advice yours for free.

Word of the Year 2013

Happy New Year! I’m a little later than anticipated with this post because blah blah blah resulted in a reconsidering of my 2013 plans. But I've cooked the books consulted my accountant/husband and now I’m back on track.

So!

I like to start off each year with a guiding word rather than a list of specific resolutions. Sometimes I choose the word by looking back and/or looking ahead. Sometimes it just comes to me. Last year’s word, “mindful,” wasn’t all that successful I suppose. It depends on how you define success. If you define it as having any memory of what I had chosen as my word, then notsomuch.

For 2013, I’m choosing balance.

Main Entry: bal·ance
Pronunciation: \ˈba-lən(t)s\
Function: noun

1: a means of judging or deciding
2: a counterbalancing weight, force, or influence
3: an aesthetically pleasing integration of elements
4: mental and emotional steadiness
5: habit of calm behavior, judgment

I've borrowed the above definitions from several online dictionaries

For me, this is primarily about work. If you don't know, I'm a freelancer. I work from home, mostly as an editor. Last year is the first year I took that seriously and I had an amazing year with a lot of opportunities. I exceeded the financial goals I had set.

And yet, life was out of balance. Because of blah blah blah (yes, the same blah blah blah I started the post with) , most of my freelancing income ends up going to Uncle Sam. Taxes and gainfully employed husbands and blah blah blah.  I've been directed by the husband/accountant to quit focusing on working ALL THE CONTRACTS to make ALL THE MONEY and instead to focus on doing the things I want to do.

Not a bad problem to have!

Except, what I want to do? Continue freelancing. I want to expand my freelancing. Telling people this past year that I'm a freelance editor is the first time in my life I've taken pride in what I do. And I want to do more of it, not less of it. But I do have one contract that is very out of balance, and that one is going to have to go. With it, a good chunk of reliable monthly income. Which apparently is OK, according both to the accountant/husband and to balance. Because with it, a good chunk of reliable almost daily stress.

Also part of balance this year? The things I love that I should have plenty of time to do and yet I've spent a disproportionate amount of time stressing over one stupid contract and some other items that I haven't taken time to do them - those things will be coming back. Sitting at the piano. Crafting and painting. Blogging and more importantly, writing. They aren't necessarily the same. But I've missed both. It's been forever since I blogged regularly and I haven't worked on the book I'm writing at all since November (even that was a sad effort).

So in 2012, I proved that I could do ALL THE THINGS!!! In 2013, I will show that I can be discerning about choosing which of the things merit my time and effort. I will do the ALL THE THINGS with balance!

P.S. What can you expect from the blog? No promises but I'm planning to average posting about twice a week plus 6WS. Always 6WS, people. Otherwise, I have a feeling things may get ugly.

P.P.S. Oh yeah, also, happy 1000th post to me and this here blog.

A test for you

Don't worry, this test is multiple choice. You may begin at any time.

You are a Toyota Prius. You beep and display the "low fuel" light. Fifteen miles later, having not passed a single gas station, you start to feel desperate. Do you:

a) beep again, more urgently,
b) display a warning message that "Failure to add gas immediately may result in battery damage and a visit to the dealer,"
c) keep operating normally until you actually run out of gas and stall,
or
d) light up warnings on the dashboard for: VSC (vehicle stability control), brakes, engine, service, and wheels while emitting a high-pitched alarm and flashing "PROBLEM, PROBLEM, PROBLEM!" causing your driver to pull to the side of the road immediately, proceed down the shoulder at 15 mph to the nearest travel station, fill the tank, drive 50mph the remaining 80 miles home with no a/c (because it could be battery-related), and schedule an appointment at the dealer the next day only to be officially diagnosed with having low fuel?

Yeah, I bet you all got it right.

P.S. Stupid car.
P.P.S. The important part is that we got home safely.
P.P.P.S. It's a relief that the car did not need an expensive repair.
P.P.P.P.S. Joe has the best Toyota dealer in the world - they didn't charge us for the visit.
P.P.P.P.P.S. Stupid car.

And so it begins

Today is the first at-home day of Joe's new job. I've been working from home now for quite awhile and I've become accustomed to having the place to myself during the day. And he's been accustomed to an often lousy commute to an office where he ran from meeting to meeting with some periods of time in his cubicle in the middle of a noisy space.

This is going to be a big change for both of us. But I'm excited for it to be a good change. This is one of those examples of a time when our attitude and approach can make a big difference.

We are fortunate that our home is large enough to provide us with separate work spaces. An upstairs bedroom serves as his office and he can close the door. We also have a bonus room over the garage where my craft desk and work desk are located. And then there's the downstairs where I sometimes go to escape the heat (the bonus room is poorly insulated).

He actually started the new job on Monday. He traveled to meet his boss and his boss's boss for two days of orientation. It's already clear that this job is going to require a lot of flexibility and ability to roll with the circumstances (something I'm not exactly known for). Monday night, he told me he'd be working from home all next week. Tuesday at noon, we found out they're putting him on a project that will involve travel the first part of the week. This is apparently typical.


I think the biggest key to making this work for both of us will involve respect. We both need to respect boundaries and space. We need to not interrupt. We need to be aware that we have different working styles. We need to both kind of go about our day individually while being aware that we aren't the only ones working in this space. And we're both going to need to locate our headphones. 


Communication will be important too. Yay for living in a digital age - we have a shared online space that we use to communicate a lot of those little things that come up during the day. You don't want to forget them, but you also don't want to interrupt to share them RIGHT NOW! They don't usually require immediate attention so on the list they go for whenever the other person has the time to look them over. We use similar tools to keep track of things that need to be done to the house, items to pick up at the grocery store, etc. It's worked for us in the past so I'm hoping it keeps working.

It's going to be a very all-or-nothing situation with this job. Forget going into the office in the morning and coming home at some point in the evening. He's either going to be here all day or he's going to be gone all day. Good times...

Anyone out there who works from home or has a spouse working from home or you're both home during the day or he travels? Any tips for making this a productive experience? 

New Posting Schedule

Yesterday officially began my new year and it wasn't a bad start. I didn't get everything on my list done because some things took longer than others. And that's okay. What I'm hoping is that the list will become the normal - I didn't expect it to necessarily happen on the first day. It takes awhile to find that new routine, especially when you're busy playing catch-up.

One of the things I'm carving out specific time (one hour) for each day is blogging. It's hard to keep up with multiple blogs and even though I gave myself permission not to post every day, there was no set schedule and so every day I was still feeling that anxiety about whether or not I should post something. Now, I have a nice schedule I'll be trying out - this blog is scheduled for Tuesday, Thursday, and of course (Six Word) Saturday. I've set similar schedules for my other blogs.

I've also dedicated a certain amount of time to other priorities - freelancing/professional activities, reading, writing. Exercise I tackled a bit differently - a minimum amount of time per week. The latest suggestions are at least 30 minutes a day so my weekly goal is no less than 210 minutes (excepting legit interruptions like sickness or travel). More is obviously better but I feel good about that as a minimum requirement.

There are other things I'm trying to incorporate into my routine as well. Quick daily activities that keep the house from raging out of control. Tasks that keep me organized. All of it with the goal of moving towards goals this year instead of just treading water.

Not every post is going to be rocket science but within a few weeks, I hope they will at least be appearing regularly and the goodness will come with time. I like writing and storytelling - and I want this blog to get back to that.

I hope 2012 is behaving for everyone so far!

I Should Brush My Teeth More Often

When do you have your best ideas? Mine are undoubtedly when I brush my teeth. I've had more ideas for blog posts, stories, photos, decorations, and general mayhem when brushing my teeth than at any other time.

This morning while brushing my teeth, I was overcome with sudden inspiration for an entire approach to the book I've decided to write. Actually, it's slightly different than the book I was going to write originally so I'll save that for my second release. As soon as I finished flossing, I went downstairs and wrote the entire introduction, the start of the first chapter, and an outline for the rest of the book.

And with that, I'm off to brush my teeth again so I can start on chapter two!

Formality

We stayed with one of Joe's cousins while in Houston. His cousin's name is also Joe, because despite approximately 19 male cousins (this is not an exaggeration - think large Irish Catholic family), there are only about five acceptable names. This leads to a lot of overlap and so they must find ways to distinguish between people, especially for the kids.

Apparently in this case, Joe's cousin decided to introduce my Joe (see, it's confusing already!) by both his first and last name. The six-year-old boy caught onto that immediately. "Hi, JoeJohnston, my name's JimMurphy." And for the rest of the weekend, and forevermore, I have decided I will always call my husband JoeJohnston. It's all one word, sort of like when Phil on "Amazing Race" talks about "aracearoundtheworld." Are you leaving today, JoeJohnston? Can I sit by you, JoeJohnston? Goodbye, JoeJohnston! Listen to me count to one hundred, JoeJohnston, without even getting tired! I think JoeJohnston is at the door!

Little JimMurphy is a bit on the wild side. He's the child we will remember for singing "Crazy Train" at the top of his lungs during breakfast. He's also the child that literally set fire to their house by playing with matches. (This was before we visited - nobody was injured but there was a lot of damage.) I mean, you always hear about kids starting fires by playing with matches but have you ever actually known of a case where that happened? Because after meeting JimMurphy, suddenly it seems VERY plausible. And it was also fitting that JimMurphy became so possessive of JoeJohnston, since JoeJohnston himself has done community service at the fire station for an incident involving bottle rockets and a dry field.

But JimMurphy is a good kid. He comes with a twin sister who claimed me as HER Cate. Twins, I can't escape them. It's always reassuring to me when youngsters seem to like me. I'm just not sure if it's reassuring that I might some day be good with a kid of my own or if it's just reassuring me that I'm right in thinking most children have very bad judgment. Either way, the whole herd of kids was a blast to be around the entire weekend and a lot of our best memories from Houston will be associated with the 12 and under crowd.

And, by the way, I am CateJoeJohnston. Pleased to meet you.

Semi-Super 8

For Joe, TripAdvisor.com is his travel bible. Hotel? Restaurant? Things to do? We make no moves until we consult with TA. So when booking our room for the Austin part of our trip, we booked at the #2 hotel in Austin, the Super 8 Austin Airport, South.

It had been years since we last stayed at a Super 8 and it's not usually high on our list of preferred accommodations but considering the reviews and the price ($220 all-inclusive for 3 nights), we decided to go for it. After a quick search, I even found a coupon for a free upgrade that landed us in the "Business Suite."

The location was fine. It wasn't right in the thick of the action, but it wasn't too far away. It was near a major highway so downtown was very accessible. The rooms weren't necessarily luxurious but they were clean, functioning, and safe. Every morning, a nice little breakfast buffet (as long as someone doesn't eat all the bacon before you wander downstairs) and each evening, chocolate chip (coconut-free) cookies!

But on the first morning, the bedside alarm went off at 6am. I'm not sure if this was an alarm the previous guest had set and house keeping did not UNset, or if this was an unadvertised "amenity" in the business suite. Either way, I managed to throw the clock across the room silence the alarm and go back to sleep for a bit.

Due to the low rates, it's possible that the hotel did not pay their electric bill. Or maybe there was a murderer on the loose. One dark and stormy quiet evening as we prepared to watch a little tv on the laptop before bed, the power went out. At Motel 6, they'll leave the light on for you. At Super 8? Not guaranteed. "No worries," said the front desk. Also, no ETA on power restoration. I brushed my teeth by the glow of candlelight iPad and called it a night.

The only other odd thing I noticed about the hotel was that they located the "business suite" right next door to the "family suite" - in what world does that make any sense? Also, don't those children EVER sleep? And are there about forty of them over there, judging by the noise?  Or maybe a herd of obese hyenas?

Overall, it wasn't a bad hotel. I don't know if we'd stay there on a return trip, but nobody stabbed me to death in the shower so I consider it a win.

Joys of Married Life, Episode #827

Today's post goes out to my single readers who think they'd like to be married some day. I'm going to lift the curtain and give you a peek at married life. You'll thank me later.

This is typical, though not a transcript of a specific morning. I'm sound asleep. Joe is awake, getting ready for work. He "accidentally" clears his throat next to my side of the bed, waking me up.

Joe: Oh, you awake? Mind shaving the back of my neck for me?"

Really? I mean, A) you just woke me up so I'm not quite coherent, and B) you just woke me up and so I am quite pissed.

Sure, hand me a razor. I'd love to have a go at your face/throat/neck. Brilliant idea.

My Big Goal: A Promise

This month, I'm participating in Chalene Johnson's 30 Day Challenge. Thanks to Sally for making me aware of it. We were actually going to participate together in March but I was too late signing up.

Starting off, I wasn't sure if I was going to like it. Chalene reminds me a bit of the pretty and perfect people that make me stabby. I realize this is due to my own insecurity and a tendency to make someone else the weirdo in order to make myself feel better.

Anyways, the past few days have been about recognizing our values and defining our goals. We made a list of ten life goals, which seemed kind of huge at first, especially only a few days into the program. Still, it was interesting to look at my list. The first five or six came easily. The last few, I struggled to define. We're actually supposed to write a new list of goals each week, without looking back, to see what consistencies emerge.

Once that list is together, we are supposed to define a "push" goal. That's the one goal on the list that makes all the others possible. It was interesting, because rather than be overwhelmed by focusing on all ten (well, I was really only going to focus on the first five or six), it allows you to focus on just the one goal that will help the others fall into place.

She suggested that we make a promise not just to ourselves but to others that we would make that goal. She then recommended posting it very publicly, using Twitter, Facebook, blogs, whatever was at our disposal. And while I realize this isn't the most fascinating post in the world, I haven't been coming up with much of ANY posts lately so I might as well.

My promise to myself and everyone around me is to improve my health. Primarily, this is about my weight. For me, anxiety meant medication meant weight gain meant depression. Suddenly I find myself feeling miserable about my body and it's destroying all of my self-confidence, which is really keeping me from all of those other goals.

It was suggested by a friend that I could focus on building self-confidence and accepting myself as I am now. I'm working on that too, but I also feel like regardless of my body image issues, my health is at stake. Maybe I can kill two birds with one stone, focusing on the problem rather than placating the symptoms, which is what it feels like to me if I convince myself that it's okay to be so overweight.

So there's my promise. How am I going to get there? Since I'm not working an 8-5, I'm trying to turn myself into a bit of a gym rat. My goal is four hours of elliptical per week (which equates to four GOOD days on the elliptical). On days I don't make it to the gym, I try to spend about an hour on my recumbent bike. One day off per week. I'm also drinking a lot more water, taking my vitamins each day, and being more mindful of my calorie intake.

Not rocket science. Just doing the things we all know we should do anyways. And committing to making a difference. Encouragement welcome! Anyone out there looking for an accountability partner, let me know!

Playing Doctor

My final physical therapy appointment was this morning. It was supposed to be a re-evaluation and discussion about my options going forward. Should I continue PT? Should we try something else? Should I just workout on my own? Unfortunately, the therapist didn't get the memo so it was just a regular appointment of walking me through the different weight machines. I thought maybe that was her way of assessing me, but at the end it was clear that she thought I still had a bunch of appointments scheduled and she'd see me next time.

I did my own re-evaluation at that point, because I'm super-qualified. I think the first month of appointments was great - they spent a lot of time doing trigger point therapy and giving me exercises to do at home. The second month has been almost all working on the machines, which was okay, but not as helpful. So in my expert opinion, I'm done with PT. There's no point in continuing to pay them $20 per appointment in addition to my gym membership fee, which gives me access to all of the same machines.

I also used my expertise to decided I'm not going back to the doctor that originally prescribed the PT. This is mostly because my last appointment lasted only ten minutes, in which I never saw the doctor but the nurse gave me two shots in my lower back. The shots made a nice difference. But not a $940 difference, which is what they billed my insurance for the visit. This included $800 in charges for "surgery". When I questioned the billing department about it, they told me not to worry about it because I wouldn't have to pay all that, that's just what they were billing the insurance. Oh, ok, that makes it totally ethical and acceptable then!

In place of this medical care, I prescribe myself four days a week at the gym and twice daily continued pt exercises. I also prescribe cardio by way of cleaning this pigsty we call a house. In addition, caution shall continue to be exercised with my back. And some weight loss certainly wouldn't hurt.

I'm taking charge now. It's a whole lot cheaper. And hopefully a whole lot more beneficial.

Punch in the Pain-Related Awards

Screw the flowery opening - let's just get to it, shall we?

Dear Medco,

If you don't soon figure things out and send me my no-baby pills yesterday, I am going to send you my first born when I get knocked up because you won't provide my birth control. I have been fighting with you for MONTHS now on the timing, which has put us into this horrible cycle of you won't send them in time so I have to refill them locally (which costs me more) and therefore you move the fill date out even further. And I'm sick of it. SICK SICK SICK.

Perhaps you don't understand how birth control works. Let me explain it to you. I need the new pills on March 6th. Mailing them on March 10th? That doesn't work. That just gets me pregnant. Having your automated male voice call to tell me you aren't sending my pills on time just REALLY cheeses me off. I'm not one to generalize and hate on all men, but you are really pushing my buttons.

You fail at math, you fail at prescriptions, you fail at customer service, and you fail at life.

Hope you have access to pain meds for when you receive this award,


Dear Thing Outside That Sounds Like a Dying Animal,

Judging from that noise, you must be a very large beasty, perhaps the lovechild of a rhinoceros and a donkey. Or perhaps you are some sort of construction equipment. Whatever the case may be, I feel bad but I must admit that I wish you would just hurry up and die already so I don't have to listen to it anymore.

I have a headache,

Limbo

I keep thinking I should write a little something here. Actually, I keep thinking I should do a lot of things. The problem is not lack of time but lack of inspiration.

See, I like to have a general idea of where life is heading. And since I left my job in late November, it seems that life is more and more in a state of limbo.

I'm unemployed but I can't start making plans for my professional future until Joe finds a new job, which might be out of the area. He's on the trail of an opportunity that 10 days ago seemed like a sure thing and now we're just waiting. We can't really plan any trips to take advantage of my free time because a) I'm unemployed so spending money freaks me out and b) I'm still undergoing physical therapy for my back and until that issue is cleared up, it's not that exciting to go on a trip that involves any amount of walking or exploring because that causes ridiculous amounts of pain.

And so I'm wandering a bit aimlessly. I'm frustrated that I don't know about the future and even more aggravated that I can't do certain things I want in the short-term because of my back. I can't even clean the house because the therapist said vacuuming was a horrible idea. (I tested this theory, by the way, and vacuumed downstairs last Friday. Guess what? She was right.)

With the lack of direction, I find myself wanting to nap all of the time. I don't think it takes a rocket scientist to realize that I need to grab control and make some changes before I allow myself to slip into a depression. Which, thanks to gloomy days and historic events in my life, I very often do this time of year even without all of the very special things happening right now.

So! Starting tomorrow (or, as you read this, today), I'm going to try finding a bit of a routine. At the very least, I'm going to start working from my desk instead of the sofa and instead of giving into the urge to nap, I'll try to get up and distract myself by doing something else.

In the meantime, yeah, I just don't have much to blog about. When I do, you'll be the first to know.

You haven't lived...

...until you've eaten tater tots with chopsticks.

Every so often, Joe and I run away from the cats spend a night in a city a few hours away just for a change of scenery. We find the time in the car is great for conversations (and BOY do we ever have a lot to be conversating about lately) and it's nice to be away from home. The hotel is dirt cheap, especially this time of year, and it has all of the necessary amenities, like free wi-fi and a party elevator. As an added bonus, there is a Wegmans nearby so we can stock up on our beloved Upstate New York noms.

Part of our routine includes spending an evening people-watching at the hotel bar. Or sometimes, we end up being the people who are watched. Usually me more than Joe. We've been there just enough that the bartender now greets us by name, which is a sign of a really good bartender. Especially since we're only in there once every few months.

This past Saturday, we settled in with our beverages of choice and decided to order a snack of some sort. Oooh, tater tots! It's not every day that you see tater tots on the menu so we decided to go for it.

When they arrived, they came with chopsticks. Chopsticks for tater tots? I had always thought of them as finger food but I've been trying to master chopsticks so it seemed the universe was presenting me with an opportunity to practice.

Or at least I thought so, until our friendly bartender told us later that he just likes to serve the tater tots with chopsticks because it amuses him to watch the inebriated struggle with them.

Someday, maybe I'll learn the difference between messages from the universe and entertainment for bored bartenders. Until then, I'll be right here serving as a sideshow for the rest of you.

Death by Carpet

As promised yesterday, I'm going to tell you today about how carpet replacement in my house has caused multiple panic attacks and now I think I'm going to die.

It's not that I'm emotionally attached to the carpets. I also don't have fears that they are going to kill me in my sleep. But the carpets are low-quality and have passed their expiration date. Also, Tonya has not been kind. So in case we decide to sell the house or have company over, we decided to have the offending floor covering replaced.

I was fine until the lady came last Wednesday to measure. As we walked room to room, she would point out the things the installation crew would be willing to move. This consists of the large furniture items. She also pointed out specifically things like bookcases that needed to be emptied, the closet in Joe's office that kinda attacked her as she opened the door, etc.

That's when panic started to set in. After she left, I messaged Joe, hoping my husband could talk me down before I spiraled out of control with freaking out:

me: Your office is going to be a nightmare!
Joe: There's a lot of stuff in there but it'll be okay.
me: The one good thing about the office is that the desk is on wheels so they can wheel that right out with the computer and stuff still on it.
Joe: It's too wide to fit through the door.
me: Excuse me?
Joe: I assembled it in the room. It's too wide to fit through the door.

That's when the anxiety quit knocking on my door and set up camp in my brain. How are we going to get all of this done before they install? How will we finish it when Joe's going away the weekend before they come? And OMG THE DESK DOESN'T FIT THROUGH THE DOOR!!!

But we made great progress over the weekend. We managed to clear the spare room, master bedroom, and living room of everything that can be moved ahead of time. He even made great progress in the office!

When we finally quit for the day on Saturday, collapsing around some take-out and beer, we talked about how much we had accomplished:

me: There's not that much left, is there?
Joe: Nope, almost done! And it's a good thing because I don't know how much more the bonus room (think family room over the garage) can take. I have to figure out where to move the server to in there to distribute the weight.
me: Huh?
Joe: The server weighs around 150 pounds. I'm trying to equally distribute the weight rather than load up just one side of the room.
me: Is that something to be concerned about?
Joe: (senses my preparation to jump off the ledge again) No, not at all. I'm sure it's fine.
me: Then why did you just mention it?
Joe: No idea. I've thought about it now and it's fine!

So now I'm terrified of going into our bonus room because I've convinced myself that any extra weight is going to collapse the entire room into the garage which will crush our cars and start a fire and we will all die. I won't even go in there to watch tv now until the carpet is installed, which won't be until the 30th.

And that's how carpet replacement causes me anxiety and makes me think we're all going to die.

P.S. Is this how normal people think? I'm pretty sure it's not.

Advertising Stupidity

Lately I've been struggling a bit with my Intro to Advertising course. It's self-paced and I'll probably be done this week. Except for the final exam which is FREAKING ME OUT.

A few times, I've had no idea what the professor was looking for and turned in work that I was very unsure of - but she loved it. "You've displayed a clear grasp of the concepts in this chapter."

Then this past week, I turned in an essay worth a big chunk of my final grade. I was very sure of my work. In fact, I might go as far as to say I was proud of the analysis I had written, including the clarity with which I supported my assessment. Result? B-. "While you make some good points, I feel you have completely misidentified the approach used for this commercial."

Say WHAT?!?!?

Now my confidence is shaken. I debated writing back to her saying I disagreed with her critique. I'm finding myself afraid to turn in some of my other work. And the final exam which was FREAKING ME OUT? It's now FREAKING ME OUT ZOMG WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!

Uh huh.

In my usual fashion, I respond to criticism by taking it to heart, learning from it, making adjustments and moving forward criticizing back. No, not the professor. But I've found our textbook to be so poorly edited that it makes me want to scream. Besides the constant issues with "of" where it should say "or" or singular when the word should be plural, I've recently come upon these two glaring examples of stupidity:

"broadcast media: media, such as radium television, and interactive media, which transmit sounds or images electronically"

"Senior executives could care less about which shipping method is used..."

Radium television? Oh, and do NOT get me started about "could care less". And if you don't understand why "could care less" is wrong, please go read this post and save yourself a punch in the face.

Anyways, since the book is poorly edited, I'm sure that must mean it is not credible. And since the instructor chose the textbook, that also means she is not in a position to criticize me. So I win.

But I still have to pass that stupid exam.

Psycho

Remember how I was all freaked out that my gym was changing locations because the idea of change horrifies me?

Somehow I survived the first few visits. I changed into my gym clothes at work, drove to the gym, worked out, drove home, showered in the safety and privacy of my own bathroom.

This was fine for a couple of weeks until Joe and I went to the gym together on a Saturday morning. We were on a tight schedule trying to fit in workouts and still make my eye appointment so he suggested showering at the gym instead of taking time to come home.

Umm, excuse me? Get naked in the public shower? What is this, high school?

But my practical side won out so I went along with his brilliant idea. All was well at first. The locker room was actually empty so I didn't have to bear the shame of people looking at my nekkidness as I bundled in a hand-towel-they-pretend-is-a-shower-towel and tip-toed over to the shower.

The shower itself was fine. I would've preferred a locking stall door but it was plenty private with a shower curtain, changing area, another shower curtain, and then the shower itself. Plus, they provide soap and shampoo. Awesome.

Just as I was calming down at the ok-ness of this, the lights went off. As in pitch-black. I mean, it's a shower - there aren't windows in there. My mind immediately went to the shower scene from Psycho and every cliche horror movie scene since then where the killer is IN THE HOUSE, turns out the lights, and then ATTACKS the woman in the shower where she is naked and most vulnerable.

I quickly rinsed off in silence (because, you know, they wouldn't hear the water running), grabbed my towel, and slowly stepped out of the shower curtain. Immediately, the lights came back on.

Yeah, the lights were hooked to a motion sensor to save the gym electricity. I had noticed this in other rooms but what moron thought that was a good idea in the shower area? Of course the sensor can't see activity once you've left the main hall and moved into one of the shower stalls!

I wonder if that stupid motion sensor has freaked anyone else out or if I'm just special.

Shortcuts

Lately, with so much going on, I find myself constantly saying things and then following them with "in my free time".

And then I laugh, because who am I kidding? Free time?

So I've come up with a great scheme to help free up some of my time and because I'm such a giver, I'm going to share my secret with all of you. Ready?

It's brilliant!

You'll wonder why nobody has thought of it sooner!

Okay, here's the plan. From now on, every time I find myself wanting to say "in my free time", I'm instead going to abbreviate it as "IMFT". It will be so efficient that it will eventually free up enough time that I might be able to get to some of those projects I've had to put on the backburner.

Yeah, too bad you didn't come up with it first. I'm totally filing for a patent. IMFT.

Pre-Coffee

The list of tasks I should not perform before coffee is growing ridiculously long.

• tweet
• edit webpages
• send email
• answer the phone
• write blog posts
• comment on blog posts
• interact with humans
• place my lunch in the work fridge

Wait, what? What's up with that last one?

Friday morning, I grabbed my lunch out of my bag (a frozen dinner and a shredded mozzarella stick) and started to head for the work refrigerator in our break area. At the time, my boss and three (male) coworkers were there, grabbing their morning coffee.

I was halfway down the hall before I realized that that was NOT a shredded mozzarella stick I was carrying on top of my frozen lunch. It was a tampon.

I'm all for feminine hygiene products being discreet but I really shouldn't be able to confuse them with a cheese stick! What moron (was it a dude?) decided light yellow was an appropriate color for the cover of such a thing?

Lucky for me, I caught my error in time to go back to my desk and correct the situation. But can you just imagine, ladies, sitting at your desk when your coworker opens the work fridge to grab his lunch and there's a tampon in there? I'm the only chick in the office so it's not like I can dodge the blame.

Now, someone get me some coffee.