Six Word Saturday #424

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Six Word Saturday is now being hosted by the lovely Debbie at Travel With Intent. If you aren't already following Debbie, please visit her blog for Six Word Saturday and her beautiful photos.

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 So, it's been awhile. Life updates in six words.

Tonya passed. My soul is broken.

It's been awhile since I'd mentioned my kitties here. Tonya was diabetic and also 17 years old. Toward the end of June, her kidneys failed very suddenly and we had to let her go. It's been a month and a half and I'm still completely broken over it. In another month or so, we'll adopt a new kitty because Rusty is very lonely.

A whole lot of family illness

My dad, my FIL, my grandmother have all been unwell this year. Lots of emergency trips, including one next week. So far, they're all still kicking but things could be better.

Prague and Amsterdam are amazing places!

I'll end on a high note. I traveled recently to Prague and Amsterdam. Both are lovely, but Prague really captured my heart. I highly recommend it and hope to return there some day soon.

I know this post is kind of crap without photos but, well, apparently the site I was using for hosting (Photobucket) has changed their plans and all of the images have disappeared from my blog. I refuse to pay for hosting, so whatever. My entire blog now looks like poo, which I should probably do something about. Grr.

Six Word Saturday #417

Unexpected travel - not the good kind

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Want to play along? All that's necessary to participate is to describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here. Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. I love seeing what everyone does with their entries.

Each week (probably on Sunday or Monday), I use random.org to select a bunch of entries to visit.  Or I visit everyone. Or even numbered entries. Or odd numbered entries. Or multiples of three. Depends on what's going on that week.  In addition, please visit the person ahead of you on the list (or visit everyone if you like!). That way everyone receives at least one visit!

If you play along in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back. Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in this post as a comment.

Please be sure to link either to your main page or (preferably) directly to the 6WS post. Links to blogs that do not contain a 6WS entry will be removed (sorry, just the button in the sidebar doesn't count as participating).

Six Word Saturday #416

Seems 2017's theme is "emotional struggle"

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Want to play along? All that's necessary to participate is to describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here. Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. I love seeing what everyone does with their entries.

Each week (probably on Sunday or Monday), I use random.org to select a bunch of entries to visit.  Or I visit everyone. Or even numbered entries. Or odd numbered entries. Or multiples of three. Depends on what's going on that week.  In addition, please visit the person ahead of you on the list (or visit everyone if you like!). That way everyone receives at least one visit!

If you play along in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back. Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in this post as a comment.

Please be sure to link either to your main page or (preferably) directly to the 6WS post. Links to blogs that do not contain a 6WS entry will be removed (sorry, just the button in the sidebar doesn't count as participating).

Six Word Saturday #412

Bad family health news this week.

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Want to play along? All that's necessary to participate is to describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here. Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. I love seeing what everyone does with their entries.

Each week (probably on Sunday or Monday), I use random.org to select a bunch of entries to visit.  Or I visit everyone. Or even numbered entries. Or odd numbered entries. Or multiples of three. Depends on what's going on that week.  In addition, please visit the person ahead of you on the list (or visit everyone if you like!). That way everyone receives at least one visit!

If you play along in your blog, pleaase add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back. Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in this post as a comment.

Please be sure to link either to your main page or (preferably) directly to the 6WS post. Links to blogs that do not contain a 6WS entry will be removed (sorry, just the button in the sidebar doesn't count as participating).

Six Word Saturday #402

not enough creepiness in my October

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Want to play along? All that's necessary to participate is to describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here. Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. I love seeing what everyone does with their entries.

Each week (probably on Sunday or Monday), I use random.org to select a bunch of entries to visit.  Or I visit everyone. Or even numbered entries. Or odd numbered entries. Or multiples of three. Depends on what's going on that week.  In addition, please visit the person ahead of you on the list (or visit everyone if you like!). That way everyone receives at least one visit!

If you play along in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back. Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in this post as a comment.

Please be sure to link either to your main page or (preferably) directly to the 6WS post. Links to blogs that do not contain a 6WS entry will be removed (sorry, just the button in the sidebar doesn't count as participating).

Six Word Saturday #401

Great Friday followed by lousy evening

Remember Tonya-cat? Not doing so great. :( 
Also, just published this early. Oops. I'm not going to unpublish it at this point. Consider it an offset to the times I post late.

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Want to play along? All that's necessary to participate is to describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here. Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. I love seeing what everyone does with their entries.

Each week (probably on Sunday or Monday), I use random.org to select a bunch of entries to visit.  Or I visit everyone. Or even numbered entries. Or odd numbered entries. Or multiples of three. Depends on what's going on that week.  In addition, please visit the person ahead of you on the list (or visit everyone if you like!). That way everyone receives at least one visit!

If you play along in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back. Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in this post as a comment.

Please be sure to link either to your main page or (preferably) directly to the 6WS post. Links to blogs that do not contain a 6WS entry will be removed (sorry, just the button in the sidebar doesn't count as participating).

Six Word Saturday

The roller coaster's name: atypical depression.

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Want to play along? All that's necessary to participate is to describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here. Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. I love seeing what everyone does with their entries.

Each week (probably on Sunday or Monday), I use random.org to select a bunch of entries to visit.  Or I visit everyone. Or even numbered entries. Or odd numbered entries. Or multiples of three. Depends on what's going on that week.  In addition, please visit the person ahead of you on the list (or visit everyone if you like!). That way everyone receives at least one visit!

If you play along in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back (shiny code below if you like!). Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in this post as a comment.

Please be sure to link either to your main page or (preferably) directly to the 6WS post. Links to blogs that do not contain a 6WS entry will be removed (sorry, just the button in the sidebar doesn't count as participating).

Six Word Saturday

huge difference from a week ago

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Want to play along? All that's necessary to participate is to describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here. Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. I love seeing what everyone does with their entries.

Each week (probably on Sunday or Monday), I use random.org to select a bunch of entries to visit.  Or I visit everyone. Or even numbered entries. Or odd numbered entries. Or multiples of three. Depends on what's going on that week.  In addition, please visit the person ahead of you on the list (or visit everyone if you like!). That way everyone receives at least one visit!

If you play along in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back (shiny code below if you like!). Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in this post as a comment.

Please be sure to link either to your main page or (preferably) directly to the 6WS post. Links to blogs that do not contain a 6WS entry will be removed (sorry, just the button in the sidebar doesn't count as participating).

Six Word Saturday

it is nearly time to leave

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Want to play along? All that's necessary to participate is to describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here. Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. I love seeing what everyone does with their entries.

Each week (probably on Sunday or Monday), I use random.org to select a bunch of entries to visit.  Or I visit everyone. Or even numbered entries. Or odd numbered entries. Or multiples of three. Depends on what's going on that week.  In addition, please visit the person ahead of you on the list (or visit everyone if you like!). That way everyone receives at least one visit!

If you play along in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back (shiny code below if you like!). Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in this post as a comment.

Please be sure to link either to your main page or (preferably) directly to the 6WS post. Links to blogs that do not contain a 6WS entry will be removed (sorry, just the button in the sidebar doesn't count as participating).

Six Word Saturday

caught in trap of own making

Note: I'm aware word verification is appearing before the comments. I have it disabled. It appears that if you leave the field blank, you can still enter a comment. I tried to figure it out when it first started but had no luck. I'll try again when I have some time.

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Want to play along? All that's necessary to participate is to describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here. Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. I love seeing what everyone does with their entries.

Each week (probably on Sunday or Monday), I use random.org to select a bunch of entries to visit.  Or I visit everyone. Or even numbered entries. Or odd numbered entries. Or multiples of three. Depends on what's going on that week.  In addition, please visit the person ahead of you on the list (or visit everyone if you like!). That way everyone receives at least one visit!

If you play along in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back (shiny code below if you like!). Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in this post as a comment.

Please be sure to link either to your main page or (preferably) directly to the 6WS post. Links to blogs that do not contain a 6WS entry will be removed (sorry, just the button in the sidebar doesn't count as participating).

Six Word Saturday

want to sleep for a week

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Want to play along? All that's necessary to participate is to describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here. Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. I love seeing what everyone does with their entries.

Each week (probably on Sunday or Monday), I use random.org to select a bunch of entries to visit.  Or I visit everyone. Or even numbered entries. Or odd numbered entries. Or multiples of three. Depends on what's going on that week.  In addition, please visit the person ahead of you on the list (or visit everyone if you like!). That way everyone receives at least one visit!

If you play along in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back (shiny code below if you like!). Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in this post as a comment.

Please be sure to link either to your main page or (preferably) directly to the 6WS post. Links to blogs that do not contain a 6WS entry will be removed (sorry, just the button in the sidebar doesn't count as participating).

<a href="http://www.showmyface.com/search/label/6WS"><img src="http://i395.photobucket.com/albums/pp35/showmyface/guts/6wsButton.jpg" ></a>

Choosing a path when at a crossroads: A sort of goodbye

This past Saturday's Six Words were about feeling that I'm at a crossroads. As most six word entries tend to be (unless you include further explanation), it's a bit cryptic. But I'm always amazed when one of the comments manages to say something that really resonates without having the slightest idea what's going on in my brain. Especially since I so seldom have any clue what's going on in my brain.

Though many sincerely wished me luck or peace or wisdom, Tonya said "Cate when I am in this kind of a situation I try to remember that even if I take the wrong road, I am moving forward. Good luck!"

I've had a real issue with moving forward. Moreso, I've had an issue with letting go. I have some fabulous new projects I want to work on but it's hard for me to let go of the obligations I feel to old projects. Even if I'm no longer passionate about them. 

Like this blog at the moment. Look how long it's been since I blogged regularly here. But there was a time when this blog was my main outlet, my main saving grace. A lot has changed since that first post back in 2008. I still deal with anxiety and insecurity and family crap that I can't spout off about under my real name. But I've made some amazing friends over the past five years and I've also come up with some amazing coping mechanisms in that time. I've accepted who I am and found others who accept me for that as well.

In short, I've grown. I'm not the same person I was when I started this blog. Which is a very good thing. This blog is an action I took back then when I was at a crossroads. 

Now I'm at another crossroads. Where will the next action take me? I don't know but it's time to find out. It's time, as Tonya said, to move forward. 

This isn't "goodbye" - it's "indefinite pause" on weekday posts. No different from how it has been but more formal so I can take it off my to-do list and quit beating myself up about not writing here. I'm officially letting myself off the hook. I've paused before but this feels different somehow. A little bit like leaving your childhood home and heading out for college. Like I might be back, but I don't think it will feel the same.

I'm going to leave the light on, just in case.

P.S. Six Word Saturday, of course, will continue each week. 

A few thoughts on Boston from the wife of a runner

The details emerging from Boston are still jumbled today. They continue to be a mix of horrifying, confusing, and sometimes incorrect. Like the photo of the little girl who was reportedly killed. Or the misreporting of the JFK library fire being connected. I’m glad sorting those details is up to someone else – and I hope they do an amazing job of reaching the proper conclusions, finding the responsible party, and keeping them from doing further harm.

But some things do stand out for me.

The main detail that caught my attention as I read the reports yesterday was this: “The explosions occurred approximately an hour after the first runners crossed the finish line.”

When you’re married to a runner, here’s what you learn from attending race after race after race – elite runners fly like the wind. They finish far ahead of the crowd. Indeed, the winner of the 2013 Boston Marathon finished in 2 hours and 10 minutes. The first female crossed shortly after (2 hours, 26 minutes). These are the people who run for a living. They do this competitively. Running IS their life.

And then there are the “regular” folks. The ones with day jobs. The ones who run as stress relief to survive those day jobs. They run a few miles several times a week or maybe even every day before or after work or on their lunch breaks. They do longer runs on the weekends. Don’t misunderstand me - they’re dedicated, serious runners to be able to run 26.2 miles. I certainly can’t do it. But these are regular people like you and me. Like my husband. A very common goal among this crowd is to finish a marathon in under 4 hours.

As I looked at photos of the finish line, post-explosion, the race clock displayed 4:09:44. At that time, a very steady stream of runners would've been coming through the crowded space. The timing of the explosions probably could not have been much worse.

The second detail sticking in my mind is a quote I read last night summarizing injuries. Apparently because of the nature and placement of the explosive device used, most damages sustained were low to the ground. There were a lot of amputated and severely injured lower limbs on that list.

My husband hasn't been able to run for the past six weeks due to a simple stress fracture. It’s healing well but he’s facing another four weeks without running. I’m not sure anything is more torturous to a runner than not being able to run. Permanent loss of a limb? I can’t imagine.

And the other details emerging from Boston and elsewhere since yesterday’s senseless incident are of another sort – the kind that actually give some feeling of hope. Stories of people helping, whether it’s medical assistance at the scene, offering local help in the form of a place to stay or a warm meal, strangers arranging donations for flight changes, or simple displays of support in the form of tweets or wearing race shirts today.

Those are the details I’m choosing to focus on.

Because I’m the wife of a runner. I've stood at the finish line. I've felt pride for my husband but I've also felt pride for complete strangers. I've also felt concern for other racers I don’t know as they've struggled over the finish line. I've cheered them on. I've cried for them. I've bonded with people I don’t know as we've waited for our racers and cheered for people none of us know. I've offered my phone and water and whatever other help I can in-person at the finish line and my heart is going out to those at the finish line in Boston yesterday.

The running community is tight. They won’t stand for this and they won’t be beaten by it. Joe’s in DC right now and even though he can’t run, he went for a walk on the Mall. There were a lot of runners out. There was a real atmosphere of respect and camaraderie. There were many around the Reflecting Pool. Reflecting. Praying. Talking. Angry. Sad. Hopeful.

I may only be the wife of a runner, but I’m glad to have a place in the community as a supporter. Sometimes it’s a fun role, sometimes it’s not. This is one of those times when it’s not a particularly happy time. But it’s also a time when I witness that spirit that keeps them going as individuals through each run, one foot in front of the other, and as a group, each person supporting the rest as they keep going to reach the finish line.

Six Word Saturday

all i want is to write

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Want to play along? All that's necessary to participate is to describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here. Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. I love seeing what everyone does with their entries.

Each week (probably on Sunday or Monday), I use random.org to select a bunch of entries to visit.  Or I visit everyone. Or even numbered entries. Or odd numbered entries. Or multiples of three. Depends on what's going on that week.  In addition, please visit the person ahead of you on the list (or visit everyone if you like!). That way everyone receives at least one visit!

If you play along in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back (shiny code below if you like!). Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in this post as a comment.

Please be sure to link either to your main page or (preferably) directly to the 6WS post. Links to blogs that do not contain a 6WS entry will be removed (sorry, just the button in the sidebar doesn't count as participating).

<a href="http://www.showmyface.com/search/label/6WS"><img src="http://i395.photobucket.com/albums/pp35/showmyface/guts/6wsButton.jpg" ></a>

Six World Saturday

something wrong with the world today
i don't know what it is

Today's six words x2 brought to you by the esteemed philosophers otherwise known as Aerosmith. I'm writing my 6WS post, as usual, on Friday so it can be ready for all of you late-nighters/early-risers. And the news this morning is heartbreaking. As it often is, which is why I'm often guilty of ignoring the news as much as possible. Which is why it's kind of bizarre that I'm working a contract that involves me spending 40+ hours a week monitoring the news.

Anyways, please be kind to each other. Which is six words. I probably should've just gone with that...

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Want to play along? All that's necessary to participate is to describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here. Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. I love seeing what everyone does with their entries.

Each week (probably on Sunday or Monday), I use random.org to select a bunch of entries to visit.  Or I visit everyone. Or even numbered entries. Or odd numbered entries. Or multiples of three. Depends on what's going on that week.  In addition, please visit the person ahead of you on the list (or visit everyone if you like!). That way everyone receives at least one visit!

If you play along in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back (shiny code below if you like!). Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in this post as a comment.

Please be sure to link either to your main page or (preferably) directly to the 6WS post. Links to blogs that do not contain a 6WS entry will be removed (sorry, just the button in the sidebar doesn't count as participating).

<a href="http://www.showmyface.com/search/label/6WS"><img src="http://i395.photobucket.com/albums/pp35/showmyface/guts/6wsButton.jpg" /></a>

How To Tell Cate Is Out Of Sorts

Today, a top ten list (because I promised you and more importantly I promised myself that I would blog this week so here goes).

Top Ten Reasons To Tell That Cate Is Out Of Sorts

1. One tweet is uber-happy, the next involves punching people or things in the face.
2. She doesn't return emails.
3. She doesn't comment on your blog.
4. She doesn't make the rounds for 6ws.
5. She doesn't post on her own blog.
6. She has a lot of headaches.
7. She takes a lot of naps.
8. She resurrects the Walrussian. Because she can. 
9. She doesn't care if this list makes it to 10.

I'm working on it. Resolution is coming. I think. I hope. But mostly, I'm ok. Even if I'm not dealing well with life right now, I'm dealing with it. I'm getting out of bed each morning and finding joy here and there, even if my actions and words are all over the place. Yeah, "stable" isn't a word I would apply to myself at the moment. 

Thanks for standing by me. And special thanks to awesome friends who encourage me, listen to me, distract me, and call me out on my negative actions (or, rather lack of action).

P.S. Confused? Try here. And here.

Where's Cate?

I haven't been blogging much lately and while I don't really feel like I owe an explanation (it's MY blog!), I'm going to give one. Mostly because I need to reflect a bit.

The week before Thanksgiving, we were all wrapped up in Joe's possible job offer. Which he ended up turning down.

The week of Thanksgiving, Joe had an emergency appendectomy.

The week after Thanksgiving, Joe was still recuperating and we were slowly returning to normal.

Last week, I got a nasty stomach virus, which put me in the hospital with dehydration, and then afterwards I was (and still sorta am) dealing with the remnants of the stomach virus.

Which brings us to this week.

I'm still having some virus-related issues and I'm exhausted.

I'm completely behind on my holiday plans, which involved making a lot of gifts because that's more thoughtful than placing Amazon orders off wish lists. Not that there's anything wrong with that, just that it's not what I wanted to do this year. Only, since I lost the better part of 4 weeks, I'm running out of time. So last night we went shopping at Ten Thousand Villages and took care of most of the gifts we needed to buy. It seemed like a great compromise between buying plastic crap and just making charitable donations in our families' names since they are selfish bitches who want presents, dammit will not get a gift and we've supported fair trade and people in developing countries.

But mostly what I'm dealing with right now is a ridiculous amount of anxiety relating to medical bills. I'm glad we have access to healthcare. I'm glad we have insurance. I'm glad Joe and I are both recovering from our unrelated ailments. I'm glad he's made smart financial decisions that mean we'll be able to set up a payment plan and be okay. Still, realizing how much we might end up owing with both of us being sick within 2 weeks of each other is causing a big huge mental funk. Add to that the usual depression I feel around the holidays and my mind is a bit of a mess.

So where's Cate? I'm here, but I'm struggling. I'm getting through each day the only way I know how - a mix of working furiously through my to-do lists and hiding under the blankets. I haven't been blogging. I didn't visit any 6WS posts this week. I'm having trouble finding the joy of the season.

That's where Cate is right now. On the edge but hanging on with all her might. And talking about herself in the third person.

Why did I share this? It's not that I want a million comments full of pats on the head and sympathy. I just want to serve as a gentle reminder that there are people out there right now who are fighting. Depression this time of year - between the weather, lack of daylight, and holiday expectations - is a big deal. If you're suffering from it, know you are not alone and we WILL get through it. If you're fortunate enough to not be suffering a down time, you can do two things for me: be grateful for your blessings and be kind to those around you because we may not all be feeling so blessed.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Last weekend, my parents came for a visit. I've been trying to recover from process it since then.

First, The Good:

It was nice that they made it a point to visit. This is Dad's busy time of year for his business so for him to let someone else run the shop over the weekend because it was a priority to visit was a nice thing. I think it was "one last visit" before we potentially move, not that there's any progress to report on the job situation.

The Bad:

Dad started feeling sick not long after they started to long drive to our place. His throat was bothering him so he could barely talk, which makes it hard to visit. Also, I could tell he just wasn't feeling well.

And, finally, The Ugly:

The close-mindedness and paranoia exhibited by my family makes me sad. No, sick to my stomach. No, it makes me angry.

My mother asked if my FIL is stuck doing a lot of yardwork at the house he rents. I explained that his neighbors help him a lot and that he had me take them a gift basket he had won to say thank you. I said I felt kinda weird taking it to them when it had been obviously opened, but he had wanted to take out the wine because "they're good Christian people."

me: I just thought that was odd. Not all Christians have an issue with alcohol. Plus, FIL is a Catholic and Catholics definitely aren't -"
my mother: Christians.
me: I was going to go with "aren't strictly anti-alcohol."
my mother: Oh. That too.

Because, as my mother has told me for years, she believes that Catholics aren't really Christians. In her opinion esteemed fact-based all-knowingness, ALL Catholics are only about tradition and going through the motions. And yes, she believes that all Catholics are going to hell because they're doing it wrong.

Seriously.

The Uglier:

my mother: I'd like to get the spare room cleaned up and a bed in there so you can stay with us when your grandmother dies.

Reasons this is ugly? Let me count the ways.

1. It's my father's mother, and she said this in front of him.
2. My mother hates my father's mother and has forbidden him from having any contact with her.
3. My grandmother is 81 but she is not sick in some way that indicates her death will be any time soon.

The Ugliest:

my mother: Homosexuals and pedophiles are the same thing. They both choose amoral alternative lifestyles.
me: You don't see a difference between two consenting adults and an adult preying on a minor?
my mother: Same thing. Both going to hell.
me: I see a huge difference.

Jaw dropped. No words. Part of me feels like it's good to remember that this kind of attitude exists in the world and that we need to keep fighting against it. Part of me wants to cry to see it displayed by my own parents. I've tried so hard to overcome the ignorance I grew up with but it's so jarring to be reminded that it's still happening.

And so, with all of that, I now report that (long story omitted and this is already too long) we will likely be leaving next Friday, the 28th, for a visit home. Mostly so Joe can see help his Dad prepare for winter. I'm not even recovered from their visit here and now we're going to go visit there.

I plan to focus on my sister, niece, and nephew. I plan to focus on staying with a couple of dear friends.

I plan to refill my xanax prescription.