Six Word Saturday

did you survive Friday the 13th?

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Want to play along? All that's necessary to participate is to describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here. Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. I love seeing what everyone does with their entries.

Each week (probably on Sunday or Monday), I use random.org to select a bunch of entries to visit.  Or I visit everyone. Or even numbered entries. Or odd numbered entries. Or multiples of three. Depends on what's going on that week.  In addition, please visit the person ahead of you on the list (or visit everyone if you like!). That way everyone receives at least one visit!

If you play along in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back (shiny code below if you like!). Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in this post as a comment.

Please be sure to link either to your main page or (preferably) directly to the 6WS post. Links to blogs that do not contain a 6WS entry will be removed (sorry, just the button in the sidebar doesn't count as participating).

<a href="http://www.showmyface.com/search/label/6WS"><img src="http://i395.photobucket.com/albums/pp35/showmyface/guts/6wsButton.jpg" ></a>

Six Week Saturday

what a week for winter weather!

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Want to play along? All that's necessary to participate is to describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here. Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. I love seeing what everyone does with their entries.

Each week (probably on Sunday or Monday), I use random.org to select a bunch of entries to visit.  Or I visit everyone. Or even numbered entries. Or odd numbered entries. Or multiples of three. Depends on what's going on that week.  In addition, please visit the person ahead of you on the list (or visit everyone if you like!). That way everyone receives at least one visit!

If you play along in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back (shiny code below if you like!). Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in this post as a comment.

Please be sure to link either to your main page or (preferably) directly to the 6WS post. Links to blogs that do not contain a 6WS entry will be removed (sorry, just the button in the sidebar doesn't count as participating).

<a href="http://www.showmyface.com/search/label/6WS"><img src="http://i395.photobucket.com/albums/pp35/showmyface/guts/6wsButton.jpg" ></a>

Death by Carpet

As promised yesterday, I'm going to tell you today about how carpet replacement in my house has caused multiple panic attacks and now I think I'm going to die.

It's not that I'm emotionally attached to the carpets. I also don't have fears that they are going to kill me in my sleep. But the carpets are low-quality and have passed their expiration date. Also, Tonya has not been kind. So in case we decide to sell the house or have company over, we decided to have the offending floor covering replaced.

I was fine until the lady came last Wednesday to measure. As we walked room to room, she would point out the things the installation crew would be willing to move. This consists of the large furniture items. She also pointed out specifically things like bookcases that needed to be emptied, the closet in Joe's office that kinda attacked her as she opened the door, etc.

That's when panic started to set in. After she left, I messaged Joe, hoping my husband could talk me down before I spiraled out of control with freaking out:

me: Your office is going to be a nightmare!
Joe: There's a lot of stuff in there but it'll be okay.
me: The one good thing about the office is that the desk is on wheels so they can wheel that right out with the computer and stuff still on it.
Joe: It's too wide to fit through the door.
me: Excuse me?
Joe: I assembled it in the room. It's too wide to fit through the door.

That's when the anxiety quit knocking on my door and set up camp in my brain. How are we going to get all of this done before they install? How will we finish it when Joe's going away the weekend before they come? And OMG THE DESK DOESN'T FIT THROUGH THE DOOR!!!

But we made great progress over the weekend. We managed to clear the spare room, master bedroom, and living room of everything that can be moved ahead of time. He even made great progress in the office!

When we finally quit for the day on Saturday, collapsing around some take-out and beer, we talked about how much we had accomplished:

me: There's not that much left, is there?
Joe: Nope, almost done! And it's a good thing because I don't know how much more the bonus room (think family room over the garage) can take. I have to figure out where to move the server to in there to distribute the weight.
me: Huh?
Joe: The server weighs around 150 pounds. I'm trying to equally distribute the weight rather than load up just one side of the room.
me: Is that something to be concerned about?
Joe: (senses my preparation to jump off the ledge again) No, not at all. I'm sure it's fine.
me: Then why did you just mention it?
Joe: No idea. I've thought about it now and it's fine!

So now I'm terrified of going into our bonus room because I've convinced myself that any extra weight is going to collapse the entire room into the garage which will crush our cars and start a fire and we will all die. I won't even go in there to watch tv now until the carpet is installed, which won't be until the 30th.

And that's how carpet replacement causes me anxiety and makes me think we're all going to die.

P.S. Is this how normal people think? I'm pretty sure it's not.

Hazards of Warm Weather

Even though it's not quite summer yet, warmer weather is here. This seems like a good time to review some of the dangers associated with the season.

First, there's swimming. Always swim with a friend. And if you see someone drowning...



A lot of people take advantage of the warmer weather to take a vacation. If that vacation involves children and a roadtrip, it's wise to pack some entertainment. Perhaps their favorite music?



(I love how they immediately go into meltdown mode.)

Warmer weather also means wearing shorts, tank tops, and other clothing with less coverage. For those of us with pasty skin, we might feel we look better with a bit of a tan. Whether you obtain color from the sun, a tanning booth, or spray tanning, remember that a little goes a long way:


And finally, there's summer footwear. Some prefer to go barefoot but strappy sandals and flip-flops are also popular choices. Just beware of the dangers that may ensue if you combine flip-flops with another popular summer activity - cold beverages:

>

Flip-flops really are tricky, even under the best of circumstances!

I hope that as you prepare for your summer fun, you will keep these things in mind. I'd hate to read your blog in the next few months and find that you've fallen victim to one of these warm weather afflictions.

This time, I mean it!

I think I tried once before to establish Sunday as my "day of rest" from posting. And failed.

Time to give it another try, I think. Things have been busy and I don't see that changing in the near future.

So if I post anything next Sunday, I would ask that you please stage some sort of intervention.

Also, Happy Valentine's Day. For those of you without others (significant or otherwise) or who do not celebrate, I will think of you fondly today just the same. You really can't stop me so you might as well learn to deal with it.

Stay Off the Roads

Maybe I'm a wimp, but when the governor, Dept of Transportation, and weather folks all tell me to stay off the roads because the conditions are dangerous, I tend to think that means I should, oh, I dunno, stay off the roads.

This means not running out because I'm bored. Not heading out to the gym just because I can't run in the snow (assuming the gym is even open). Not attending a play or sports event. And not going to work since I'm not emergency staff and can do my job completely from home thanks to the wonders of technology.

It really infuriates me to see people out on the roads in these conditions when they don't need to be. I don't care if you're on a moped or in your big stupid truck. There's no reason to be out, especially when it's icy.

And that goes double for the places still holding events, thus prompting people to be out on the roads. We lost $50 in tickets because there was no way we were going out Saturday night and the venue chose to hold the event and offer no refund/exchange options. Our church (I use the term our loosely here) held services this morning for anyone who was able to attend. As a result, some chick bitched out one of our priests on Facebook this morning because her husband was running the sound system and felt obligated to go out even though he felt it unsafe since services hadn't been canceled. I blame that partly on the church and partly on the guy for not using his own judgment to opt out.

Anyways, I guess what this all boils down to is that I enjoyed my weekend of being snowed in. I accomplished a lot but I also put some things off, figuring I'd also have all day Monday to clean the house and prepare some things for work. And now it's after 5pm Sunday as I write this and rather than continue to work on things, I'm now spazzing about the fact that I have to be on the road for work tomorrow when all of the powers that be except the boss who controls the City budget say travel will be unsafe.

Unless I opt out. Because unlike the church guy, I have the ability to make my own decisions. And while my bosses all think they're more powerful than Jesus the Savior Jesus the lawn guy God, they're sadly mistaken.

Your Christmas tree is a traitor

Question: What do your Christmas tree and Judas have in common?
Answer: They will both betray you!

It is my strong belief that Christmas trees are a burglar's best friend when it comes to researching when to break into a home. And believe me, I gave it a LOT of thought on Monday night when I was having trouble sleeping.

What, no lights on tonight? That sends a strong signal that the home is unoccupied this evening.

Lights on? Probably home. Oooh, the lights just went off? They're probably now asleep in their beds! Sleeping and vulnerable!

Surely I can't be the only one who thinks this.

Or at least not anymore since I've planted the idea in your mind.

Bwahahahaha...

Adventures in Caroling

We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
And a happy new year

Aww, carolers! So sweet and happy, if not a little repetitive. I mean, my hearing's fine, I got the "merry Christmas part" the first time!

Good tidings we bring
To you and your kin
Good tidings for Christmas
And a happy new year

I have no idea what you're talking about and it's cold outside. Are you almost done? Not to be rude but I'd like to close the door now, before Tonya escapes.

Oh, bring us a figgy pudding
Oh, bring us a figgy pudding
Oh, bring us a figgy pudding
And a cup of good cheer

Bring you some "piggy puddies?" Oh, "figgy pudding." Like that's any better. And, really? Didn't your mother ever teach you to say "please"? Plus, you came knocking at my door uninvited. What makes you think I have pudding of any sort? And "good cheer" doesn't come cheap these days. Also, you look underage. Do you have any id on you?

We won't go until we get some
We won't go until we get some
We won't go until we get some
So bring some out here

Kids these days! Now you're threatening me? I'm totally going to call the cops. Or your parents! You can't show up on my porch making demands and threats and making such a racket! Go away now!

We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
And a happy new year!

Pretty sure Christmas came and went while you were out here babbling about pudding. Thanks for nothing. Hey, looks like my neighbor's home. I hear she makes a fantastic figgy pudding!

SLAM

Blog Action Day 2009

Blog Action Day is an annual event that unites the world's bloggers in posting about the same issue on the same day. Our aim is to raise awareness and trigger a global discussion.

The theme this year is Climate Change.

Climate change affects us all and it threatens more than the environment. It threatens to cause famine, flooding, war, and millions of refugees.

Given the urgency of the issue of climate change and the upcoming international climate negotiations in Copenhagen this December, we think the blogosphere has the unique opportunity to mobilize millions of people around expressing support for finding a sustainable solution to the climate crisis.

I struggled with what to write about today. I'm not a scientist. Nobody's ever going to give me a Nobel Prize for anything (except I'm also not George Bush so I guess if it's good enough for Obama, it's good enough for me). I don't have anything shockingly original or world-changing to say. So what could I say that's even on target?

And then I saw it. Some moron rocket scientist on Facebook groaning about how global warming is a total farce because it was snowing last weekend in St. Louis. When someone replied and said that "it's not global warming - it's climate change", the buffoon misinformed neurosurgeon replied that climate change is just the politically correct term because everyone has caught on to global warming being a ruse.

No, climate change is NOT the politically correct term. It's the term we use now because industrial engineers such as yourself are too stupid to understand that GLOBAL warming means the globe is warming, which results in some bizarre weather in your LOCAL area. Your narcissistic self can't understand that global warming is not all about you! It's not St. Louis Warming. So since you're too dense to realize that yes, global warming may result in excessive heat for some and snow for others, we refer to it as climate change so as not to confuse your simple brain.

Ignorance makes me nuts. Just because you don't understand, just because you don't want to make changes, don't show your ignorance by proclaiming it doesn't exist. I don't understand electricity but I don't refuse to pay the bill because I deny its existence. I don't understand gravity but I don't glue my stapler to my desk because I doubt it's occurring. I've never seen the Easter bunny but I'm not gonna argue. And you know me, my reaction to my "friend" on Facebook was a strong desire to punch him in the face.

I'm sure this isn't at all what the Blog Action Day people were after. I'll probably be banned from BAD10. It won't be the first time I've been banned for life.

P.S. If this green stuff isn't your kind of thing, go on over to my pal Sass's blog for "Things I Want Thursday". I didn't participate this week because of BAD09 but I plan to play along next week. So many things I want... But for today, the only thing I want is for you to go see Sass. And also, maybe a mocha.

11/28/09: I had to turn off comments on this post because spammers kept replying to it. Only THIS post. Very annoying.

But I'm scared!

October 13th is National Face Your Fears Day. You're supposed to pick a fear and conquer it.

I have a lot of fears ranging from bugs to car flags to recliners. There's no shortage of issues for me to choose from today.

I think I'll go with my Metathesiophobia (fear of changes). I allowed myself to wimp out on the gym yesterday, conveniently blaming Joe because he pointed out that it was raining heavy and would be unpleasant to drive in. But really, it was the fear of establishing that new routine.

So today, I go to the gym. Where I will also work on my Verminophobia (fear of germs). I'm not over-the-top on this one but with piggy flu, I'm a little more aware than usual.

What fear will you conquer today?

Wanted: One BFF

Ever consider placing an ad on Craigslist for friends? I've thought about it from time to time and it freaks me out. How pathetic must a person be to go online begging for real-life friends? I guess as pathetic as me.

I moved to my current undisclosed location about nine years ago and I really have no friends here. This is at least in part due to my history - I always feel like I'm the one in the relationship making all of the effort so I just say screw it because maybe they just aren't interested. So I haven't exactly retained a lot of long-term real-life friendships and it seems like a lot of effort with probably no payoff to form new ones.

Consider me the champ of online friendships though. Sisterfriend, for example, has been my online bud since 1999 at least. And our plans to run away and join a convent are coming along quite nicely.

Somehow despite my social phobia I also do reasonably well with friends due to proximity. More acquaintances really, but I make it work. You are on a committee with me? Ok, I get along with you. Oh, you are my husband's classmate's wife? Sure, let's hang when the guys get together. But it ends there.

I've tried Meetup.com and found it very frustrating. We had no luck with the local couples groups. Either they all have kids and want to go to Chuck E Cheese or they're baby-haters. We don't have kids at the moment but might want to eventually. Why bother making friends only to be shunned if we reproduce?

And then there's the girls groups I've checked into. Even the ones that say they're open to both married and single women, kids/no kids seem to be all single chicks. Single unemployed chicks. How else are they meeting regularly on Tuesday nights starting at 10pm for karaoke or trivia night at a bar. Oh, and the 30-something guys group will be there too, by the way.

So if you don't have kids or you aren't a whore (despite your foot herpes), how do you make friends?

Every so often I read the "strictly platonic" section on Craigslist, w4w. How do you determine your new BFF from such a short description? It feels very judgey.

Then I consider maybe leaving it up to fate. Posting my own ad, seeing who contacts me. But what if nobody does? What if they're all stalkers? What if someone contacts me and I hate them? Or I'm too spazzed to meet them?

Besides, what would I even say?

Married woman who hates job, has no direction in life and has lots of free time but is terrified to leave her house and meet people seeks BFF for hanging out and chatting with but only sometimes. Don't currently have kids but might want to so added bonus if you'd coordinate a pregnancy with me so we can share the experience.

C'mon, you know you'd respond right away. Right?

Mr. Rogers didn't live in my 'hood

This post was inspired in part by the amazing and fantabulous Princess Andy. It's entirely possible her posts aren't for the prudish or faint of heart but they sure as hell are for me.

Anyways, she posted a couple of days ago about a nightmare involving stuff gushing from her bathroom ceiling. This reminded me of a story involving the bathroom in our first apartment after Joe and I were married. Which then reminded me of another story involving that same apartment. I allowed Andy to pick which of the two she'd prefer me to share first and so of course you shall first be blessed with the story involving my nakedness. Just a warning that this post may have a "squeamish" quotient that has nothing to do with aforementioned exposure of my body.

Here goes...

It was May of 1999. Joe and I had lived in this craptastic awful little apartment since our wedding in August of the year before. After almost a year of obnoxious neighbors, fire alarms, attacks by killer bees, kids peering in our bedroom windows, seepage from the ceiling and almost being electrocuted by our stove, we were thrilled to be moving soon to a newer, nicer apartment.

A week or so before the move, our "home" an obstacle course of boxes, Joe was at the sink shaving when I stepped into the shower. I turned on the water and reached up to adjust the shower head. This is because Joe is much taller than I am and just like he never puts the toilet seat down, he also never readjusts the shower head. Anyways, I reached up and the shower head felt... fuzzy. Wait, what? Fuzzy?

As I pulled my hand away from the offending fixture, I realized there was a millimonster on my hand. I don't know what other people call them but I call them millimonsters. They are furry and have eleventy bajillion legs and they run like Olympic sprinters.

I did what anyone would do in my situation. I screamed like the girl I am, flicked that beasty off my hand, stepped in the toilet on my way out of the shower, grabbing my towel mid-stride and demanded that Joe take care of the situation IMMEDIATELY. He gallantly killed the savage predator and then scooped it onto a fly swatter to dispose of it outside. I, of course, followed him, still ranting and raving like a lunatic someone whose very life had been threatened by a ferocious foe.

"OMG I hate it here. I am so glad we are moving out of this HOLE of an apartment!!! This place SUCKS!!!" I screamed at him as he tossed my assailant into the yard across the parking lot.

It was at this point that I happened to realize I was outside, in my towel. Also outside? A small U-Haul, a young girl, and what appeared to be her mother. The girl sort of waved. "Hi, I'm moving into 3a".

What other response was there? "I'm sure you'll love it here."

P.S. My most heartfelt apologies to Andy for making her think she had missed something serious and throwing her into a tizzy. And I totally mean that because I have been in exactly that situation before and it is not fun.

Elevator of Death - an update

I can't believe it. They've disabled the sad pathetic bell in the Elevator of Death.

Still, it's creepy. And hermetically sealed like a coffin.



And since we're only one floor up? I've been totally taking the stairs.

Six Word Saturday

Here's how it works: describe your life (or something) in just six words. For more information, try clicking here.

Not back by Monday? Send help!

You may remember my trip last December that included the Elevator of Death. No? You can read about it here! I'm out of town this weekend, staying in the hotel with the most depressed elevator in the world. This means responses are going to be quite delayed but I'll be looking forward to your Six Word Saturday entries!

And if I don't respond by Monday at the latest? Please see my six words above and assume the elevator's got me.

Please share your six words either in the comments or on your blog - be sure to use Mr. Linky below so we can all visit! And here's the code to link back with the shiny button if you like:

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