Emotions

I was able to speak to Tina (my sister) last night. She and the baby are doing fine. Baby is a girl, fairly average in weight and length. She's already going bald and giving into the influence of super-thin models by not wanting to eat a whole lot. Dainty already.

The doctors ran a hearing test and she's not responding well out of her left ear. My sister says she's doomed if the baby's already not listening to her. I suggested she probably inherited that trait from her daddy.

I'm not sure there isn't an emotion I didn't cover at one point yesterday. I was worried when I hadn't heard anything. Relieved and happy when I finally did hear. Angry that it took so long to hear. Lonely for my sister. Frustrated that my family is so screwed up. Sad that I'm not closer to my sister. Upset that I'm so undecided about my own future when it comes to family. Doubtful I could handle it. Resentful that while my friends are encouraging, the one person whose encouragement might make a difference doesn't seem to realize it.

When my sister had Collin, I didn't envy her the little boy. But there is something about that precious pink little girl that made me feel very empty. And unworthy. And depressed. And jealous. And confused.

I wish that range of emotions had skewed a bit more towards the positive side. I wish I knew more who I am and what I want. But I guess that's what this year is about.

P.S. Happier Cate is in here somewhere. She'll be posting tomorrow.

Birth Day

I'm a mess of emotions right now so forgive this post.

First, thank you to everyone for your concern about my abdominal pain yesterday. I had decided if it wasn't greatly improved this morning I would go to the doctor. However, I woke up feeling about 85% better so it seems to be going away. If it comes back, I'll make an appointment.

Second, my father called around 10:45 last night to tell me my sister was on the way to the hospital to have the baby. Two of the things that most set my mind spinning are family and babies.

My family is so dysfunctional. Dad debated calling us last night because it was so late. The only reason he decided to call was that he had talked to us at 9pm (called with a computer question) so he thought we might still be up. And then said he'd call again in the morning to let us know what was going on. Now, I don't generally like calls in the middle of the night but I definitely could handle a 3am call saying "baby is here, all is well!". Instead, I spent the entire night dreaming, waking, worrying, crying, overthinking, freaking.

And now, this morning, it's now 8:30 and I haven't heard a single word. I've tried calling but no answer there either at my parents' house, my sister's house (where Dad was supposed to go to take care of the nephew), or my parents' craptastic cellphone.

So I wait. And come up with a million worst-case scenarios. Or a million best-case scenarios which then make me remember how screwed up my family is because good or bad, it reminds me that we're not close and I'm out of the loop.

We won't even address the matter of baby sister having her second child when I still can't wrap my head around having one. Or all of the delightful nurturing things my mother had to say during the first call. Or so much more.

Sorry, not a happy-go-lucky post but until I hear something, I'm just not a happy-go-lucky Cate. Hopefully I'll have good news for tomorrow. Thanks to all of you for allowing me to sometimes have these posts because I don't have anywhere else to go with it. You all rock.

P.S. Isn't that just the way? I was just ready to hit publish when the phone rang. Baby was born at 3:20am, everyone's fine. Phew!

Punch for Breakfast

Award time. Because I've got nothing else and I'm cranky. I figure since I'm cranky, better to get it out in the form of a couple "Punch in the Face" awards than to just dwell all day.

Dear Sunday Night,

I really don't know what your problem is but no matter what I do over the weekend, you have to be a punk. If I'm lucky, this just means a bit of trouble falling asleep. Or perhaps waking up several times in the night.

More likely, I'm disturbed by vivid dreams. Like the one where a project I'm working on had taken off and we raised $300k at a charity dinner and then there were demon monkeys chasing us into the plane but the plane took off and then it crashed and Tonya was totally asleep upside down between the front seats. Also, the water didn't work and my brother decided he'd rather just jump out the back than stay there with no running water.

And in the case of last night, after tossing and turning for an hour with awful heartburn, you gifted me with horrendous stomach pain. Doubled over, sick to my stomach, cold sweats, stabbing constant stomach pain. After almost two hours, I was able to crawl back to bed.

No doubt you have it coming and this award is the least of what you deserve.

Maybe Mondays wouldn't be so bad if you wouldn't suck so much,



Dear Monday Morning,

I'd like to start by thanking you for bringing reduced pain this morning. And also for not letting the boss notice that I wandered in a couple of minutes late. We both know those two minutes mean nothing to anyone but him.

However, if you could possibly be a bit warmer, I would appreciate it. Also, maybe you could greet me with coffee and a side of patience. And a sprinkle of focus? Because I have a lot to do today.

Either way, I believe you to be a likely recipient of this award.

Chance in hell you'll cooperate,


P.S. Seriously, folks. Beware the demon monkeys. That was one freaky dream.
P.P.S. Feel free to make your own nominations.

Messy messy

Joe's better than me at pretty much everything. Including penmanship.

He had me endorse a couple of checks to deposit last week, one of my least favorite things to do because paper checks are stupid and also because he won't just let me sign my name. He wants me to sign my name and then FOR DEPOSIT ONLY and the account number. And since another skill he possesses that I do not is the ability to remember completely worthless important chains of numbers, I don't have account numbers memorized.

So anyways, I'm annoyed at endorsing all of these stupid little checks and they're becoming increasingly messy until the last one looks sort of like this:

(Note: this is a recreation)

I'm pretty sure that instead of "FOR DEPOSIT ONLY" this looks like "FOR DEPOSIT OMG". Sloppy penmanship or passive aggressive rebellion? You decide...

Six Word Saturday

Describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here. Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. I love seeing what everyone does each week with their entries.

So much cold - where's the snow?

All that's necessary to participate is to post your own six words. You can post an explanation if you wish but it's certainly not required. If you play along in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back (shiny code below if you like!) but I'm not going to delete your entry or punch you in the face if you don't. Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in this post as a comment.

<a href="http://www.showmyface.com/search/label/6WS"><img src="http://i395.photobucket.com/albums/pp35/showmyface/guts/6wsButton.jpg" /></a>

Note: Please be careful to make sure you've linked to the right post. I've had a lot of links to non-Six Word Saturday blogs lately. Just trying to cut down on the confusion. Also, if you want to link directly to the 6WS post, that's super-helpful as well. Thanks!