Saturday, I was feeling better. More optimistic. More energized. I had turned a corner and was ready to take on the world again. I wrote a post stating such and scheduled it to post Monday morning.
Then Sunday night happened. I haven't written much (at all?) about our recent trip home. It was a good trip, overall, but the primary reason for it was to try to help my father-in-law. You see, he's old. He's not doing so well. In addition to physical issues (most concerning are heart problems and circulation/infection issues with his feet), he is bi-polar. This manifests in extreme ups and downs, plus a strong side of OCD.
Anyways, we came home from the trip feeling positive about some progress we had made in finding him a few solutions that would help him stay well enough to remain mostly independent. Sunday night, he called Joe and told him that he's undone everything we did for him. He told off the volunteers arranged by the County. He accused us of screwing up his medications. And so much more...
That set me back. Something I had felt really good about and suddenly I was slapped in the face. Yet another reminder, much like the event that set me off the week before, that despite my greatest efforts I had really accomplished nothing. The impact of my actions was fleeting at best, completely in vain at worst.
I realize this isn't true. I know I can only control myself and that I need to do what I can live with. I know the FIL situation is about supporting my husband and not about me. And I know I'm not a failure. The fact that I can see this and start to recover from it much more quickly than the events of last week means I'm making progress.
All of this is my long way of saying what I originally planned to say in Monday's post: Thank you. To everyone who has left a comment, sent an email, tweeted encouragement. For every shoulder, ear, and hug. Thank you all.
I'm getting there. I'm just not there yet.