Over the weekend, a guy I babysat a few times decided to drink and drive. He wrapped his car around a tree and at only 18, ended it all.
And it makes me angry. Angry that he's gone so young. Angry that he threw it all away. Angry that he could've also killed someone else. Angry that the obituary says "automobile accident" instead of telling the truth.
But then, obituaries seldom tell the truth. They're full of "sudden illnesses" and "died at home" and "was taken too soon". Nobody ever dies from alcohol poisoning or drug overdoses or suicide. It always has to be prettied up and made acceptable. SomeMonkey pointed out that obituaries are for families, not for information, which is a good point.
Keep it simple, don't tell too much. Son of these people, grandson of those people, predeceased by that one. Member of the debate team, dedicated runner. Planned to attend this school in the Fall. Missed by friends and family. Smith Funeral Home Sunday at 1pm.
Anger's one of the 12 stages, right? Or is it only 7 stages? Not being one to process traditionally, I have no idea. I wouldn't even say I'm grieving. We weren't close and I haven't even seen him in 14 years. But I'm still human and a needless loss of life like this brings on the angry.
P.S. Sorry if this post is a bit confusing or raw or whatever. I tried not to post it but I felt like I had to for whatever reason. And it's my blog.
Friday, July 09, 2010
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9 comments:
People you know doing stupid stuff always makes you angry- it's just what happens. Because you know that they knew better, and still they did it. I'm very sorry that this happened, and hope that others can learn from it at least.
I think this type of thing can just really HIT you for one reason or another. Even though you weren't close to him anymore, it's such a stupid, needless tragedy.
Part of me wishes obits were more honest too. I understand why they aren't, but sometimes I think there could be a gracious way to tell the whole truth.
First of all, I am sorry for your loss. He might not have been someone you are close to but still the loss is felt.
It is always so upsetting when someone does something you know that they know better than to have done...especially when it has such grave consequences. As Shirley said, hopefully it will be a lesson all who knew of him will learn and take to heart.
I'm sorry for your loss. Close or not, I'm sure you are sad about his loss.
It is a sad thing. Not only that he died, but also how. And it is a shame that people have a tendancy to gloss over the truth. I understand why, but it's still a shame. Let's just hope those who know what really happened learn from it and don't make the same mistake.
I think you make lots of good points in this post. The most important being WTF does someone drink and drive and also how horrendous it is to know someone who drives when drunk and kills himself. I like the way you think, why isn't it just being said like it really is when this kind of thing happens.
Oh this is definitely worth the post, if for no other reason than person someone who has driven drunk or someone who has thought of it may second guess themselves when they read this.
Even though you haven't seen him in 14 years, you did know him, it's hard not to have a reaction. It's natural.
You're points are all good, and it bugs me sometimes too when obits are sugar coated. My only thought on that, aside from them being for the family, is the fact they are written in grief and shock and yes, sometimes to cover what really happened.
There is a blessing in all of this, and I hope it doesn't sound too weird or callous...he only too his life. Not that it will be easy for the family to accept, but I cannot imagine how much harder it would have been if there was someone else involved!
Anger is perfectly understandable in this situation. I'm sorry for your loss. I think it is a loss even if you weren't in close contact; he touched your life in some way, and you touched his.
feel for his parents......so sad..I think there are 5 stages, but I'm not 100% sure.
I'm with you about obituaries. They go on and on and on and on and on sometimes, several columns in the newspaper. I just want a very simple one.
so sorry for your loss; it is someone you had a connection with, albeit perhaps a short one, but still one that you came to know.
Hopefully kids/adults will learn not to drink and drive from this (although I doubt that, always seems to be someone who thinks it won't happen to them)
betty
Wow, that is so sad.
Anger is a definite emotion to go through. 18! So young!
You're right to express yourself on your blog, this is a very real and way too common incident.
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