Which neighbor are you?

I've mentioned angry neighbor, hot shirtless running neighbor, Canadian neighbor, tree hugger neighbor. But now I'm wondering - which neighbors are we?

Hermit neighbors: We have a fabulous screened porch and deck on the back of our house so we don't hang out in the front. Ever. Also, I tend to keep all the blinds shut on the front windows because people are nosy bitches I hate cleaning it keeps the house cooler. To add to this theory, we never manage to make it to the neighborhood parties - but that's always because of scheduling issues.

Neighbors who don't mow their lawn: I am morally opposed too lazy allergic to an entire list of grasses, pollens, trees, molds, mildews and dust. This makes it impossible for me to mow the yard, leaving the task to Joe. When the man doesn't arrive home until 7pm most nights, this means the lawn often has to wait for the weekend. If it's raining? Too bad, not gonna happen! If we're out of town? If he's just completely spent from the week and doesn't feel like it? Yep, we're the house on the corner in front growing patches of weeds.

Neighbors with the stupid pear tree that looks awful and spews fruit that draws bees and overhangs the sidewalk so nobody can get by: It's all true. I can say only two things in our defense - we didn't plant it (you can thank the previous owners) and we hate it as much as you do. Since I drafted this post three weeks ago, we've actually had it removed.

I guess we're not very interesting neighbors. We try not to be loud very often and never at odd hours. We try not to poke into other neighbors' business. And I'd still rather be any of these things than angry neighbor. At least people don't run away when they see me coming.

The neighbors next to us, "Fake Flowers in the Yard and Neon Mailbox Neighbors", are moving out. They've always been a bit odd but very quiet. I won't be greedy and hope for really hot replacements. Maybe new BFFs? Nuns? Celebrity chefs?

P.S. By the way, hot shirtless running neighbor hasn't been around lately. I'm wondering how to lure him back. Maybe if I set up a water station in my yard?