That's how much I would pay for a dvr to control my dreams.
The first thing I'd do is set a global control for no repeats of certain episodes. I don't need to replay fighting with my parents or freakouts by the drama llama. Seriously, I resign from the position in part because I don't want to deal with his spazzing anymore and now I have to dream about it instead? The clear answer is the dream dvr.
__________________________________________________________________________
Okay, know what? I started writing this post a few days ago. Since then, I've lost my ability to try to make it into a cute blog entry. I no longer have a sense of humor about it. I'm so disgusted and frustrated by the contents of my dreams that I just want to cry. Some elements of my dreams are recurring and some of it is just completely out of nowhere and disturbing. They aren't nightmares in a traditional sense of monsters and disasters but it's more a visualization of me doing things that I would never EVER do.
I really think this has a lot to do with why I'm so sleepy all day - I wake up completely emotionally drained from the crap I'm dreaming about all night. It doesn't matter if I sleep 4 hours or 12. Beyond feeling tired, today I woke up aggravated and completely cranky about everything.
I've always had vivid dreams but it seems a lot worse lately. I haven't started any new medications with dreams as a side effect. Life is certainly a bit out of the ordinary since I'm not working but the only change that's made to my sleeping habits is the removal of a too-early alarm. That should be a good thing, right?
So how do I make it stop? This isn't something I can put a band-aid on or change my attitude about. Is it? How do you change your unconscious mind? I'm open to any and all suggestions. Even if they sound silly, because I'm just that desperate at this point. Please, how can I make it go away?
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Saturday, January 08, 2011
Six Word Saturday
Learning not to procrastinate. Starting tomorrow.
Want to play along? All that's necessary to participate is to describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here. Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. I love seeing what everyone does with their entries.
Each week (probably on Sunday or Monday), I use random.org to select a bunch of entries to visit. In addition, please visit the person ahead of you on the list (or visit everyone if you like!). That way everyone receives at least one visit!
If you play along in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back (shiny code below if you like!). Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in this post as a comment.Please be sure to link either to your main page or (preferably) directly to the 6WS post. Links to blogs that do not contain a 6WS entry will be removed (sorry, just the button in the sidebar doesn't count as participating).
Thursday, January 06, 2011
Room for Improvement
Alternate title: How Protecting My Cats From A Mouse Has Made My Week Lame
Remember when we were young(er) and the teacher would kindly say there was "room for improvement" in certain areas?
And rememberway back at the start of this year on Monday when I declared my desire to be better?
Since writing that post, 2011 hasbeen mocking me seen fit to set the bar a bit low so "better" seems very attainable. Nothing major has happened. In fact, nothing has really happened at all. But the past few days have felt kind of rough, meaning there's lots of room to achieve better without much effort.
It all started Sunday night, I suppose, when Rusty started acting weird in the kitchen. I lowered myself to the floor, pressing my head against the ground to see what he was looking for - a toy perhaps? MOUSE!!! Running at my face!!! I had no idea I could go from flat on the floor to the top of the counter so swiftly while emitting very high decibel shrieks.
Tuesday, the pest control people came and put out a bunch of traps. We had discussed options at length because of the cats but the guy insisted the poison bait traps were the best bet and safe around kitties. Later that evening, we heard the mouse chomping on the poison. I felt sad about choosing a rather inhumane option.
Cue complete meltdown. Because as I thought about the chemical effects on the mouse, I started to think about the chemical effects on the cats. And what if the cat ate the mouse? And OMG my cats are going to die now because I chose the poison traps and payback is totally a bitch and I so totally deserve for my cats to die!
Obviously, the only reasonable option was for me to stay awake all night to make sure the cats did not eat the mouse. Because our kitties are not the kind who approve of being locked in their kitty crates overnight. I made it to 3am before dozing off just a bit, only to be awakened by the mouse gnawing very angrily on the poison block again. Zombie killer mouse, back from the dead to eat my face! I threw the kitties in their cages and crawled into bed.
This meant zombie sleepy Cate with a killer headache all day yesterday. This is already too long but last night involved locking the cats in our bedroom, which lasted less than 2 hours before we had to put them in their cages again because they were being evil. No idea what the status of the mouse is this morning.
I slept better last night and feel better today. I plan to workout for awhile, write for awhile, do housework for awhile. Better in every way. Room for improvement, indeed.
Remember when we were young(er) and the teacher would kindly say there was "room for improvement" in certain areas?
And remember
Since writing that post, 2011 has
It all started Sunday night, I suppose, when Rusty started acting weird in the kitchen. I lowered myself to the floor, pressing my head against the ground to see what he was looking for - a toy perhaps? MOUSE!!! Running at my face!!! I had no idea I could go from flat on the floor to the top of the counter so swiftly Tuesday, the pest control people came and put out a bunch of traps. We had discussed options at length because of the cats but the guy insisted the poison bait traps were the best bet and safe around kitties. Later that evening, we heard the mouse chomping on the poison. I felt sad about choosing a rather inhumane option.
Cue complete meltdown. Because as I thought about the chemical effects on the mouse, I started to think about the chemical effects on the cats. And what if the cat ate the mouse? And OMG my cats are going to die now because I chose the poison traps and payback is totally a bitch and I so totally deserve for my cats to die!
Obviously, the only This meant zombie sleepy Cate with a killer headache all day yesterday. This is already too long but last night involved locking the cats in our bedroom, which lasted less than 2 hours before we had to put them in their cages again because they were being evil. No idea what the status of the mouse is this morning.
I slept better last night and feel better today. I plan to workout for awhile, write for awhile, do housework for awhile. Better in every way. Room for improvement, indeed.
Monday, January 03, 2011
New Year, New Word, New Plan
You can't get where you're going unless you have some idea of where you are, which is why I'm taking a quick look at the past before talking about my plans for the future.
I wrote two posts at the beginning of 2010 that are very interesting for me to look back on now. The first is "A Letter To Cate".
Now, I enter 2011 with not even a clue of where things are going. We still may relocate. Joe has told me to hold off looking for a new job until he has more of an idea about what's going on with his work situation. By the time this year wraps up, we could be living on another coast and I could be working in an entirely different field than the one I left last November.
With so much uncertainty ahead, I'm focusing on me. I'm not making a whole lot of resolutions, but I'm really throwing myself behind this year's word, better:
I spent awhile yesterday thinking about resolutions and whether I planned to make any. All I wrote down was the following:
I hope 2011 is kind to all of us and whatever dreams or plan you have for this year will happen!
I wrote two posts at the beginning of 2010 that are very interesting for me to look back on now. The first is "A Letter To Cate".
And some dreams you don't even recognize as such yet - they'll be revealed along the way.The second post was my "Word of the Year" post, in which I chose effort.
JOB - you know better. This isn't it. Fix it or move along.
This year will be about not just muddling through but also about making an "effort" to move in a direction that makes me happy.When I wrote those two posts, going back to school and resigning from my job were nowhere on my radar. I had no idea how the second half of 2010 would play out. In fact, despite writing all about effort, I was probably anticipating a much safer route that included not leaving my job until I had found a new one or until my husband had decided we were relocating.
Now, I enter 2011 with not even a clue of where things are going. We still may relocate. Joe has told me to hold off looking for a new job until he has more of an idea about what's going on with his work situation. By the time this year wraps up, we could be living on another coast and I could be working in an entirely different field than the one I left last November.
With so much uncertainty ahead, I'm focusing on me. I'm not making a whole lot of resolutions, but I'm really throwing myself behind this year's word, better:
Main Entry: bet·terYes, this year, I'm going to focus on striving for better.
Pronunciation: \ˈbe-tər\
Function: adjective
Meaning: improved in health or mental attitude; of superior suitability, advisability, desirability, acceptableness; more attractive, favorable, or commendable; more advantageous or effective; improved in accuracy or performance
Synonyms: improved, finer, healthier, amend, advance, promote; reform, correct, preferable, surpassing
Related Words: good
Near Antonyms: worsen, decline, regress, inferior
- better eating
- better exercise routine
- better wife
- better job
- better writer
- better marketer
- better friend
- better approach
- better reactions
- better attitude
I spent awhile yesterday thinking about resolutions and whether I planned to make any. All I wrote down was the following:
exercise + water - eating = weight lossSo there we go! I wouldn't call those resolutions. Just a few specific areas in which I plan to be better. Not perfect, because I don't expect to ever be perfect. Just better.
read 30 books
specific project success
I hope 2011 is kind to all of us and whatever dreams or plan you have for this year will happen!
Saturday, January 01, 2011
Six Word Saturday
Dear 2011 - I expect great things.
Come back Monday for my Word of Year for 2011. And other sorta-resolutiony stuff.
Want to play along? All that's necessary to participate is to describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here. Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. I love seeing what everyone does with their entries.
Each week (probably on Sunday or Monday), I use random.org to select a bunch of entries to visit. In addition, please visit the person ahead of you on the list (or visit everyone if you like!). That way everyone receives at least one visit!
If you play along in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back (shiny code below if you like!). Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in this post as a comment.Please be sure to link either to your main page or (preferably) directly to the 6WS post. Links to blogs that do not contain a 6WS entry will be removed (sorry, just the button in the sidebar doesn't count as participating).
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