Why I Failed at #reverb10

Maybe "fail" is too strong of a word. Maybe "chose not to continue participating" is more accurate.

When December began, I had great intentions of spending the month putting my thoughts in order so I could form a plan of attack for the future. Newly unemployed, only my final papers and one final exam stood between me and a quiet, thoughtful mind. That meant the #reverb10 challenge of "reflect and manifest" was perfect for me. Thinking back and planning to move forward, just how I intended to spend my entire month of December.

Except, that didn't happen. Between the holidays and my last exam dragging out to the 20th, it looks more like January will be my time to start manifesting. To be honest, I'm a bit tired of looking back. I've learned a lot from the past and I don't intend to forget those lessons, but I'm ready for action.

So I'm officially letting myself off the #reverb10 hook. I think a lot of people were blessed by it. Some of the prompts were great and I have given them off-blog attention.

In the next few days, I'll set some goals for next year and choose my official word for 2011. Such a funny looking number, 2011. But I've decided to embrace it and make it my year. I'm ready!

Esteem

Earlier this morning, chatting while watching last night's episode of The Sing-Off...

me: why are panels of judges always 'esteemed'?
SomeMonkey: bc it's a vague term and "talented" and "successful" are not

Ahh, good point. Though, I expect nothing less from SomeMonkey.

I think it would be more entertaining if panels of judges were steamed instead. Sitting out there at their table with product-placement soft drinks (spiked during the commercial breaks), completely aggravated and hating life. Hmm, now that I think about it, that's not so far off probably.

And, a bit o' #reverb10:

Day #10 Prompt: Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out? - Susannah Conway (@photobird)

Without a doubt, the wisest decision I made this year was to start making myself a priority. Blah blah again about resigning from my job but the first step was deciding to go back to school. I took a really aggressive approach and it's almost done now but even when I was stressed or feeling overwhelmed, I loved it. It felt amazing to be in a focused learning frame of mind for the past few months.

Now, to figure out how to sustain that into the new year.

Catching Up

I was supposed to be catching up on some of these #reverb10 posts. Except then I remembered how fun it was to just write a post without any prompts. It feels wild and free. Kinda crazy and reckless.

And then I realized that I have some pretty serious issues if that's my idea of living on the edge.

Here's edgy for you - Christmas shopping? Not so much. Yeah, today is the 13th and I still have barely touched my Christmas shopping. Gramma, niece, and nephew are done. Parents, bro, SIL, sis, BIL, husband? Nope. I should probably think about doing that.

I suppose I'll also think about those #reverb10 prompts.

Day #7 Prompt: Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? - Cali Harris (@caligater)

One place I've definitely discovered community is here, and on Twitter. You've all been a tremendous support to me. And this is the part where I feel like I'm repeating myself over and over with these prompts. Could I thank you or write about leaving my job just ONE MORE TIME?!?!? Ugh, I bore myself.

Anyways, I've started referring to my Twitter pals as "Twitches". This confused Joe until I explained that's just a shortened, more polite form of "Twitter Bitches". Yeah, you're welcome.

I can't answer about 2011 because that's another post for another blog on another day - but I do have plans.

Day #8 Prompt: Beautifully different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different - you'll find they're what make you beautiful. - Karen Walrond (@chookooloonks)

I think I'm different in many ways, though it's sometimes hard to see them as beautiful differences. Because I grew up in such a sheltered environment, I try to look at the world with a sense of openness. One of my favorite things to say is that "different doesn't automatically mean wrong" - and as much as I like to apply that to different cultures, religions, and daily practices (like driving on the left-hand side of the road), I suppose it also applies to the idea of "Beautifully Different" - different doesn't automatically mean wrong. We should all work to remember that.

Day #9 Prompt: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans. - Shauna Reid (@shauna)

I'm not a very social person. Large crowds tend to make me uncomfortable. Therefore, I suppose I didn't do much partying this year. Probably this is one of those areas I should manifest for next year.

Also, coming soon, I'll be manifesting some better blog posts. Because these aren't doing much for me, which means I'm sure they're not doing much for you. Final final on Thursday - almost there!

Make

Day #6 Prompt: Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? - Gretchen Rubin (@gretchenrubin)

I'd like to "make" something creative now that classes are almost done. The most creative thing I've made recently was dinner for Joe on Saturday night, but that was Gordon Ramsay's recipe (no, I didn't swear or call Joe a donkey).

I'm ready to "make" some stories and do some writing soon.

Let Go

Day #5 Prompt: Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? - Alice Bradley (@finslippy)

This year, I let go of putting myself last. Instead, I grabbed onto the idea of making my own decisions, perhaps consulting others for input, and then making my own choice.

It's why I went back to school. It's why I pushed to work part-time. It's why I ultimately walked from my job. I always thought that being married to an over-achiever meant he should come first and I should support him. I had to let go of the idea that what was best for us was for me to be employed and making money in an environment that was making me miserable. And I had to let go of the idea that he wouldn't support me.

I let go of thinking I'll never be happy and started actively looking for myself again. And next year, I really hope I find me.

Wonder

Day #4 Prompt: Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? - Jeff Davis (@JeffreyDavis108)

Growing up in a small rural town with over-protective parents who believed the world outside was evil, I grew up missing out on a lot of experiences my friends had.

As a result, my travel-obsessed husband (then boyfriend) loved taking me to new places so he could watch my sense of wonder. Even today, the situation most guaranteed to induce wonder for me is traveling to somewhere new and spectacular.

I try to take a moment whenever I'm experiencing something new to think about what is happening and appreciate it fully. However, extra moments have been in short supply this year. The best thing I can do to cultivate a sense of wonder is to slow down and be fully aware of the circumstances around me. The holidays are a nice time for that and I'm looking forward to it.

Moment

Day #3 Prompt: Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). - Ali Edwards (@aliedwards)

Yes, I'm a few days behind. Yay finals!

The date: November 29, 2010.

I threw my bag over my shoulder and took one last look before heading to the elevator. Down it crept, so slowly. Around the corner and heading for the exit, I imagine it's how a runner feels at the end of the marathon when they see the finish line. Finally! A huge smile across my face and I felt lighter than I had in many years. It was all I could do not to skip across the parking lot.

As I drove away, I didn't look back. No last glance in the rear view mirror. Just looking forward, eyes on the road ahead, both literally and figuratively.

Writing

Prompt: Writing. What do you do each day that doesn't contribute to your writing -- and can you eliminate it?

The first answers that came to mind were activities like television (which has already cut way back), my job (resigned already), and my classwork (no, can't eliminate that until next week). But then I realized that those things don't really keep me from writing.

The number one thing I do that doesn't contribute to my writing is the self-doubt. It's not good enough. It's not creative enough. Who am I to think I can write anything worth reading? And, of course, the self-doubt reaches far beyond just writing.

Can I eliminate it? I'm trying. I'm even making progress. Whether or not I can conquer it completely remains to be seen.

Words

Prompt: One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you're choosing that word. Now, imagine it's one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

This is a great prompt for kicking off #reverb10. Especially since I started picking a Word of the Year in 2009. My word for 2010 was:

Here's what I wrote at the time:

...(2009) was about surviving. It was about learning to handle myself and the world but I did a lot of that from the semi-comfort of a safe routine. This year will be about not just muddling through but also about making an "effort" to move in a direction that makes me happy. I actually considered "happy" and "change" as my words but felt "effort" could be applied in a more widespread manner.

I'm planning to make an effort in my health, my career, my writing, my reading, my relationships, my self-image, really my entire life. Some steps will be bigger than others - I can't do it all at once. But it's important that I realize I have to make an "effort" if I don't want to keep on as things are currently heading.

I made some great efforts - in a week, I'll be completing a graduate marketing program that wasn't even on my radar when the year began. That plus resigning from my job definitely mean change for my career. I did a lot of reading and writing. I also made nice progress regarding inner peace, even if I didn't solve my self-image issues. There were areas where I fell short, specifically regarding my health. But that's on my list now.

Next year's word? I'm not 100% sure yet. I always have to try a word on to see if it's going to fit. Right now, I'm thinking better. I'm tired of trying to achieve some definition of perfection that's completely bogus anyways. If I can just do better, be better, workout better, write better, love better, work better, play better, 2011 could be one for the record books.