First Fursday: Eat Your Face

Tonya here. I'm tired of my long-haired human being the only one up in this place with buttons so I decided to make my own and hand out a couple "Eat Your Face" awards today. Rusty saw what I was doing and wanted his own button as well. Something like "Purr Your Face". So I smacked him upside the head and told him to quit being so lame. Moron.

Anyways, here we go.

Dear Short-Haired Human,

No, I don't need "help" jumping up on the bed. I also don't need you petting me. Do you want to be touched when you're trying to sleep? Oh, wait, you do. Blech. Long-haired human should have your parts removed like she did to me and Rusty.

Also, it's bad enough if you decide to "work from home" all day, intruding on my space. But then you have the nerve to eat tuna for lunch and you don't share with me. It's like you have no manners at all. I'm totally starving down here, don't you hear me crying? I haven't eaten in ten whole minutes!

I totally rub up against your black work pants on purpose,


Dear Long-Haired Human,

That blue slanket is mine. I wish you'd quit hogging it at night when I'm trying to sleep on my bed. I find your actions not only inconsiderate but bordering on hostile.

We also need to address this idea of brushing. I take great pride in the amount of time I spend grooming myself. When you use that comb-weapon, it pulls my hair and makes me angry. Also, it messes with the 'do I have spent so much care and effort in creating.

I only let you pet me because I know you're allergic,



Dear Rusty,

You need to stop with the lameness, immediately. Crawling up in the humans' laps and purring sends the wrong message. You need to remember that they are our captors, not our friends.

Also not our friend? The vet. Don't just sit there and purr when he gives you a shot. Fight back!

When you let humans brush you or give you medicine, you ruin the progress that our forefurries have worked so hard to achieve. You set expectations that are unrealistic and mock the freedoms gained for us by those who have gone before. Show some respect for our brave lazy ancestors.

And because it can never be said too often - quit being so lame,