Confession: I have no team spirit

I have a confession to make... I'm terrified of car flags.

You know, those flags that people insert over their windows to support their favorite sports team? They may think it's harmless but they never give a second thought to the fact that they could totally poke an innocent bystander's eye out. It's all in fun until someone ruptures their spleen!

I've found I can't follow a vehicle with one of those flags for more than 30 seconds before I'm judging whether I can pass them or take an alternate route to my destination. I envision the flag tearing off their car, becoming a projectile missile, piercing my windshield before poking a hole in my brain.

Yes, I do realize this is probably what some would refer to as an irrational fear. But for me, it's all too real.

Which leads me to the most horrifying local news story of 2008. Our hockey team decided it would be awesome to give away car flags this year - first to all of the season ticket holders, and then to everyone attending opening night. Total distribution was probably around 25,000 flags. This resulted in car flags everywhere locally - often multiple flags on the same car! But it gets worse. The team went with a cheap vendor and the quality of the flags was poor. Causing them to break and fly off vehicles at speeds over 40 mph. Oh, how I wish I was making this up.

My worst nightmare - flags on every car, knowing my fright was now justified. And rather than feel vindicated that I was right all along, I was too busy being terrorized to issue I told you so's. Driving around town took on the vibe of a bad video game of dodging these eye-gouging team spirit spears.

Thankfully, most of the flags didn't even make it home from opening night before they were littering the highways. By the time Monday came around, most flags were long gone or removed by the owners. But for me, that first weekend in October was a very special kind of hell - with the silver lining of knowing that my fear is not unjustified. At least I was spared losing anyone close to me due to car flag-related injury.

Winner winner chicken dinner!

When people say it's an honor just to be nominated, they lie. Or, at least, if *I* said that, it would be a lie. I want to WIN! So thanks to A at Snarky Much? for an award!

The award comes with a few rules: The honorees are to: A) first list 10 honest things about yourself - and make it interesting, even if you have to dig deep! B) pass the award on to 7 bloggers that you feel embody the spirit of the Honest Scrap.

Thanks A!!! Now, to see if I can think of 10 honest things interesting enough to share without boring you all to tears.

1. While unable to write with my left hand, years of typing and piano playing leave me pretty skilled. I'm equally as talented in using my feet and often find comfort in knowing that if I lost both arms in a tragic accident, I'd be just fine adapting to using my feet instead.

2. Ten years ago when I married Joe, I thought I was very ready for babies. Ten years later, I feel less ready and less sure about children than I ever thought possible.

3. I laugh when people say you can't run away from your problems. Because I moved hundreds of miles away from my family to escape them and with Caller ID, it (almost) totally works.

4. My life was so boring growing up in the sticks that I would make up stories to tell my friends hoping they'd think I was cool. I developed such a habit of lying manipulating creativity that I still have to consciously remind myself sometimes that it's not ok. In some ways, I write so I don't lie to real people.

5. My little brother once named a hamster after my then-boyfriend, Ben. Shortly after Ben cheated on me and ruined my 14-yr-old life, the hamster died. (I swear I had nothing to do with it!) And I thought it was kinda awesome.

6. I once cheated on a guy with his identical twin brother because it was less effort than trying to tell them apart.

Oh, oops, these are supposed to be 10 honest things, not 10 things that make you seem like a complete jerk. Sunday confessions aren't until tomorrow!

7. I grew up in a completely sheltered environment - small town with zero diversity and over-protective parents that freaked about everything. We never traveled or did anything cool. Now that I have the means to travel and experience things, which I totally love, my anxiety has prevented me from doing much of it. (I'm making progress on that though - I'm dying to go back to Europe.)

8. I was in high school show choir, which involved dancing, even though I'm still so uncoordinated that I can fall over while just standing completely still.

9. I am 30. And still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up but this isn't quite it.

10. I currently have 16 different blogs registered (13 on Blogger, 2 on Wordpress, 1 privately hosted). Of those, 8 have absolutely no content, 4 are from abandoned projects, and 1 is a new project I was excited about a week ago and now I have no idea what I was thinking. The three actually in use are my "real life, sanitized for family and acquaintences" blog, "scream at the world and then move on" blog, and this one. My favorite? This one. By far.

I hope that wasn't too boring. Or random. And that I didn't do it wrong.

Because now I'm totally going to do it wrong. I don't know 7 bloggers that haven't already been awarded. So instead, I'm going to make it a point to give random comment love to 7 bloggers I've never visited before and spread some love that way instead. Hope that's alright!

I may be back later with a very short post. We'll see how the day goes.

I have some choice words for you

So the lovely Beth posted a few days ago about a "Word of the Year". The idea is to pick a word to inspire you and guide you throughout the 2009.

My immediate reaction was to choose:

But then, like everything else in life, I had trouble committing to that and instead spent the last two days thinking it to death. In meditation, it is also suggested that you have a mantra or word and I've never settled on one that works for me. I've tried on many but none seemed quite comfortable.

Until now.

Focus will be my word for 2009 and my meditation mantra. I can apply it in so many ways.

• Focus my energies throughout my unstructured day in order to improve efficiency. So much time to accomplish things and somehow I never do.
• Focus on following through on ideas. All the ideas in the world do me no good without putting them to action.
• Focus on the what is important and what is within my control. Then, in the words of the wise Wife O Riley, Recognize, Embrace, and Release the others.
  

I posted my resolutions yesterday but it occurred to me overnight that the real way to succeed with those goals is to focus. Starting now.

Focus also seems like a great meditation word. I'll try that on for size tonight but I feel confident.

My next post will have nothing to do with the holidays. Promise!

Resolutions for 2009

Today, the obligatory resolutions for 2009.

In 2009, I plan to:

• Gain 15 pounds
• Give up exercising completely
• Eat anything I want
• Spend too much money
• Curse like a pirate (the only sailor I know doesn't curse)

Bet I could keep those! Or, maybe reverse psychology, since I never manage to keep my resolutions, I could do the opposite. Instead, I think I'll go with the ones below...

• Be 17% nicer.
• Be 22% tougher when it comes to standing up for myself.

Yes, those sound like they have the potential to conflict with each other. I'll just have to be nice in my firmness. Joe had the pleasure of working with a very wise and wonderful man at his last job. Unfortunately his life was ended much too soon but he's truly one of those folks that touched everyone he came in contact with. He had this special gift of totally going off about a situation and then throwing a nice little end-cap on when he finished: "...in the nicest possible way." So that shall be my mantra. I'll be kicking ass and taking names.... in the nicest possible way.

• Continue making progress on anxiety issues.

Last year, my anxiety really came to a head and I finally took action. This year, I need to continue taking steps forward. Joe's support, along with the Lexapro, really made such a difference.

• Work towards better health.

This one mostly pertains to my physical condition. While the Lexapro has made a marked improvement in my mental state, it took a toll physically. I had a rough first month or so while my body adapted to the medication - headaches, nausea, then about 4 wks of horrid lethargy. That knocked me completely off my workout routine, plus weight gain associated with the med itself, plus the holidays, plus some "pity me" eating, plus the weather... I need to knock off about 25 extra pounds and also get back to running. Lucky for you, I'll be posting my detailed weekly accountability updates for this elsewhere.

• Support Joe as he supports me.

Joe has been my rock in everything I've been through since we met. And I do my best to be there for him. There are some career things on the horizon, plus a project I'm helping him with that we're hoping works toward a long-term career thing.

• Consistent writing/blogging.

This is one of those with a million sub-lists that I'll spare you. But in the past few months, I feel like I've learned a lot and I'm excited about blogging in 2009. I've even got a few ideas up my sleeve!

So that's it. Believe it or not, I tried to keep it short. But this is one of those posts that's as much for me as it is for anyone else. I want to look back on it frequently and hold myself accountable.

May 2009 be good to all of us and all of ours!

Happy 2009!

Happy New Year!!! Because as much as I was over Christmas, I'm totally over 2008.

See you all in 2009, which is going to be AWESOME for all of us. Or else!